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Single Women over 50 – What’s it Like to Date

I am going to share one woman’s experience with dating in her 50’s:

“I have come to realize that all men in their 50’s are crazy!” jokes Mary, a recently divorced woman in her 50’s.

“When I first started dating at age 56, after the ending of my long-term marriage, I was scared to death because I had lost my youth and felt there was no way to put myself out there as an older woman. Over time, I came to realize that my fears were unfounded and I discovered that dating in one’s 50’s is similar to dating in one’s 20’s. The main difference, I discovered, was that dating in your 50’s is much easier!

When you’re younger and you date, you have to concern yourself with so many complicated factors, usually involving worries about having children, mixing finances, and spending the rest of your life with someone. When you’re older and are finished raising children, have an established career, and don’t believe you ever want to combine finances, dating becomes something you do for fun and enjoyment. You don’t need to worry about raising children with someone. You don’t need to worry about finding a good provider. You already figured out how to provide for yourself. All you really care about now is, “Is he nice to me?”  “Do I enjoy his company?”

Mary commented further, “I have come to realize that with dating comes drama. Most men don’t think of themselves as being very dramatic, but in my dating experience I have discovered that drama comes with the territory. I’m not saying that women are non-drama, I’m just saying that many single men in their 50’s are – at least in my opinion.”

“So far I’ve encountered quite a few single men and can make a list of things I’ve learned over time,” continues Mary.

  • Older people are much more transparent and open about talking about anything and everything.
  • All men want to talk about sex.
  • Most older men want to find someone to settle down with for the rest of their lives.
  • With online dating, men are dating multiple women at a time; so are women.
  • Many men are very emotional and like to talk about their feelings.
  • Most men make the decision if you are “girlfriend” material pretty quickly, and don’t need much time to decide if you are someone they want to commit to.
  • Everyone has baggage, so expect it and learn to accept it.
  • Many people have health problems, and some have sexual performance issues.

What advice can Mary give to anyone interested in dating in their latter years?

When asked for advice, Mary ponders the thought for a few moments and then explains: “Dating is fun and exciting. It is exhilarating and energizing. Online dating makes it simple. It’s like shopping for a companion. You just need to be open to the process and take time to enjoy each person you meet. Don’t spend a lot of time feeling anxious or self-conscious. Just be yourself, look your date in the eyes. Ask questions. Show interest.”

“If you find yourself out with a man you just met who doesn’t feel safe or is someone you just aren’t interested in, keep it stress-free by staying in a public arena. Don’t give out personal information, such as your personal or employment addresses until after you’ve established that your date is safe (this will take multiple meetings.) Trust your instincts.”

“If you aren’t comfortable kissing on the first or second or third date, by all means, respect your own boundaries. Don’t just kiss someone because they want you to. Make sure you’re ready and you only kiss someone you know you are truly interested in. Never give in to pressure. In your 50’s and beyond, you are old enough now to take care of yourself. There is no need to let any man take advantage of you.  If you don’t feel attracted to someone or if you feel pressure, give yourself time and protection. Make sure you don’t go home alone with anyone.”

“Understand that date rape is the most common type of rape and occurs because victims feel they know the perpetrators and can trust them.  The beginning of a dating relationship involves just the perfect ingredients for a date rape.”

No matter what you do, make sure you protect yourself.

Mary’s final recommendation for women dating in their 50’s is: “Don’t worry about doing it right or wrong, or following a bunch of dating do’s and don’ts.  Just put yourself out there and show up. And by showing up, I mean, be present with your date and be authentically who you are.”

Single Women over 50 – What’s it Like to Date

Sharie Stines

Sharie Stines, PsyD, CATC-V, is a therapist and life coach specializing in personality disorders, complex trauma, and helping people overcome the damage caused to their lives by addictions, abuse, trauma, and dysfunctional relationships. She has conducted extensive research, taught classes, and provided counseling to narcissistic and borderline families, and people struggling with attachment-based parental alienation. Sharie is a writer, a consultant, and a counselor.


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APA Reference
, . (2018). Single Women over 50 – What’s it Like to Date. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 22, 2018, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/thriving-after/2018/09/single-women-over-50-whats-it-like-to-date/

 

Last updated: 24 Sep 2018
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 24 Sep 2018
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.