About the Y Factor

The old “it’s not you, it’s me” may work with a boyfriend, but how can that play with your father or another male family member? It’s overused, but have any of us really thought about what we really mean when we say it? Think about it: when you say that line, it really is the “me” that it’s about. The “me” is making the choice not to see the “you” anymore. So it really is about “me” – although there are probably things about the “you” that the “me” doesn’t like or finds annoying, so in essence it is about the “you.” Did you get that? If you take it upon yourself to utter that dreaded declaration, then it is about the “me” and you need to own it.

Well, I’ve finally decided to stop using that line and start taking a look at me. There are, and have been, many men in my life. Don’t think of me as Carrie Bradshaw or Samantha Jones … my boy count is much, much smaller and certainly more naïve. I’m counting male family members, boyfriends, friends, bosses, etc. All of these men have had an impact on the direction of my life – some major, some minor. Their involvement in my life has brought about many ups and downs, but all came with lessons. These lessons were sometimes easily learned and others came during the process of self-exploration many years later.

One of the ways I’ve begun my self-exploration is through therapy. I have a philosophy about therapy – one is never actually there for the reason they think they are. I started in therapy two years ago because I lost my job, so I thought I was going to readjust my outlook on how to get along with coworkers. The reason I was really there was to readjust my relationships with people in general, specifically men. I had no conscious realization how my life had been seriously screwed up by the way I related to men. So now I’m going to face the truth – deal with men in my life. Take the lessons and leave the negative memories in the past.

These lessons are what the “The ‘Y’ Factor” will explore. From my father and grandfathers, to ex-boyfriends and bosses – all of the relationships with the men in my life will be dissected herein and my pithy insights revealed. Stay tuned for the next installment of “The ‘Y’ Factor.”

Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 19 Oct 2009
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 19 Oct 2009
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.