evolved manWhat does it mean to be highly evolved?  In particular – a highly evolved man?   Last month Frank wrote to me, “I worked on my brief last night till 2 am.  Then read Cosmo for an hour. What smut that is. It gave me some tips on how to enjoy your masturbation, and encourage use of toys and household objects. I’m going to seek out more of these to become super educated on your body.”

I laughed out loud.  I couldn’t picture my Frank, manly and buff plumber/Army Major, reading a “smutty” woman’s magazine.  When I told Kathleen, she laughed too and then said that he must be highly evolved in order to feel comfortable reading it.  Hmmm… highly evolved?  I needed to think about that one.

“Highly evolved” has many meanings.  Often times it refers to the achievement of enlightenment and spirituality.  It also literally refers to the physiological evolution of “man.”  Nowadays it is often applied to men who have become more in-touch with their feelings, have begun to express their emotions in constructive outward ways, and engage in healthy communication with their partners.  Sometimes it’s used in conjunction with the term “metrosexual” – although that’s something Frank could never be accused of being.

Recently, I was touched by Frank’s disclosure of his mature handling of a highly emotional situation.  His cousin passed away suddenly.  He was devastated by the news (the first of his generation to pass), and he was coping with this all alone, without family, in a far-away place.  Instead of turning to his unit’s chaplain – he admitted that’s not his style – he immediately shared his sad news with his closest colleagues so that they could help him grieve through this difficult time.  He said, “I have sought comfort from my co-workers by telling them right away, not bottling it up.”  I find that very reassuring – knowing that he’s willing and able to share his emotions with others to get through difficult times.  That bodes well for our relationship.

While doing some research for this blog I found an article that referred to the same “highly evolved” phenomenon as the “post-modern male.”  Another website elaborated, “Highly evolved people are naturally and wholly “attractive,” as they give off no signs or energies that limit themselves or anyone or anything around them – they are not governed by personal likes or dislikes, absolute right or wrong, fears or phobias, theologies, philosophies or ideologies, etc.”

I can see this … highly evolved people are magnetic, physical appearance aside, because of the way they view the world – it’s contagious.  An issue of Wired magazine included a guide for the modern man – “How to Behave: New Rules for Highly Evolved Humans.”  The guide was an attempt to show men ways in which they can cope and take advantage of technological advances.  While I don’t necessarily think that being highly evolved is all about spirituality, it’s certainly more about that than about how to download porn onto your iPhone (something Frank readily admitted to).

Full disclosure: I too used to read Cosmo, but after a couple of years, all the issues started to blend together.  It seemed as if the editors recycled the insides and just put on different covers.  Articles with titles like “Steamy ways for him to turn you on;” “Blow his mind every single time;” and “Naughty Sex Tips” regurgitate the same information with different titles.  Seriously, how many ways are there to give a blow job?

In high school and college we used to joke that having your boyfriend read Cosmo was the easy way out of telling a man what you really wanted in bed.  Cosmo is pretty much an instructional manual for guys on how to get a girl “off.”  It’s also known as masturbation material for teenage boys – or really horny, lonely soldiers.

It’s hard to judge someone’s degree of evolution from thousands of miles away.  Frank is due home on Valentine’s Day, so I’ll reserve final judgment until I have a chance to interact with him in person.

Confident man photo available at Shutterstock