2 thoughts on “Crossing the Line from Caring to Codependent

  • November 9, 2011 at 11:49 pm

    Another good article on co-dependency. The question “Am I the only one putting energy into this relationship?” quickly lifts the veil of denial. And then we move into the “what, now?” stage. Sometimes it involves letting go.
    Thank you for keeping co-dependency awareness and treatment in the news.

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  • December 4, 2011 at 5:55 pm

    Please be careful in using others thoughts or determinations. This term, the C word, is used carelessly, as if it is a an illness. It is not and it may not be useful to see yourself in this way. Unfortunately, this term has allowed people to retreat from caring about one another, not to mention pathologizing a good heart. Books depicting this sell big when someone is urgent to end emotional suffering. Please understand lay people, this not a diagnosis. If you must use a term then look to the DSM under personality disorders, which is less palatable of course.

    There are, indeed, those of us that may have issues of extreme dependency rooted in a painful past,and can benefit from evaluating our relationship lives. This does not constitute an illness or disease but an issue or problem to delve into if one wishes.

    May I remind clinicians, as I am, our hospitals, clinics would be empty if we didn’t care deeply for those that come to us. And, yes, there have been times throughout my forty year career that a patient came before family, holiday or I wake up with someone from my office on my mind. I signed up for that as part of my training. If needed, I would hope my practitioner would think of me in a deeply caring way.

    Some faiths, Buddhism in particular, stresses putting others before ones self. Surely they all be sick. Think of (Saint) Mother Theresa was she ill or a role model for humanity?

    Most important, I think, is that each of us is responsible for defining our happiness. This can not nor should it be, defined by anyone but yourself. As you reach for that quest do not think of yourself as ill, diseased or similar, consider your potential for compassion and kindness towards self and others. Wouldn’t that be a wonderful world to be in?

    Excessive dependency is complicated. I have seen many harmed, limited or minimized by negative labels. I’m reminded, “do all that you can to help others, if can’t do that, at least do no harm”.

    Define your own happiness above all, be kind to yourself. Rest easely, your not ill, just very human.

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