10 thoughts on ““I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”: When Your Depressed Partner Says It

  • July 18, 2011 at 9:35 am

    I actually said this to my ex-husband during a period of profound depression. for me it meant a combination of everything mentioned above – but mostly that our relationship was ending, and I had a new perspective because of my intense depressed emotions.

    • January 21, 2019 at 1:34 pm

      My partner and I live a long way from each other. He’s had a long history of depression but after years of difficult therapy he won’t get help again.
      Last week completely out of the blue he texted me to say ‘I think I’m going to be alone again’ since then no replies to texts or calls.
      I’m devastated I don’t know what to do for the best. He’s really stressed at the moment
      Last time anything similar happened he said he’d felt suicidal and had to dig deep to call me.
      Does anyone have any advice or can anyone share similar experiences.

  • August 15, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    doesnt C invalidate what they are feeling, by saying oh they are mentally ill and cannot make a true judgement call. I have MH problems, but if i found myself saying that, it would be because i was no longer in love with them, but still cared and love them as a person, just not romantically

  • May 5, 2012 at 4:23 am

    Your advice was good–go get help to see what it means ASAP. My ex meant B-E when I was accidentally pregnant before the wedding. I should have cancelled the wedding and moved back home. Now I’m trapped; and both our child and I are suffering in his hometown and away from all support and normalcy.

  • February 20, 2013 at 9:04 am

    still trying to process the words, I think I am getting depress too

  • May 28, 2017 at 1:45 am

    This is me at the moment… I don’t know if my lack of feelings towards my husband are from the depression or if I am depressed because I realise that I love him but am not in love with him… I feel so confused and trapped…. I want to leave so that my thoughts will be lease complicated but I don’t want to hurt him and I do love him but I love everyone so I don’t know if that’s enough… We haven’t had sex in almost a year… I’m inly 25…. We have no kids….. I pressured him into getting married as I wanted to believe in love after a traumatic childhood filled with domestic violence- he had been hurt by his ex really bad and I thought I could save him from having to experience further pain and make a happy home for him… I thought that would make me a good person and I would be rewarded with a loving home finally but now I just feel numb and I can’t make myself love him the way I wanted to love him…. I don’t know what to do…….. When you are alone at least you have hope but at the same time I am lucky to be so loved by such a beautiful kind man and I worry it is just my depression stopping me from feeling love or I am insane for thinking there is more. I’m a romantic at heart and I feel that my relationship is based on self preservation rather than desire but isn’t that a good thing?? So confused 🙁 🙁 🙁

    • October 2, 2017 at 5:23 pm

      I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Your situation sounds a lot like mine.

      Are you in therapy? Have you considered that you may have Borderline Personality Disorder? It skews hienwe give and receive love.

  • May 28, 2017 at 1:46 am

    Also this has been going on for pretty much are entire relationship- I journal my emotions especially when I am depressed as it usually helps get to the bottom of them.

    • May 28, 2017 at 1:56 am

      Also…. I don’t want to hurt him… I would be fine living in a loveless marriage if t meant I didn’t have to hurt anyone but then I worry it is more hurtful leading him on? I don’t want to hurt anyone in the way I see others hurt each other everyday… I have only had one other relationship and I feel like it went along the same pattern… At the end I left and went on an epic adventure…. It was the happiest time of my life but I really hurt my ex and my hubby is older than me and had really horrible luck in the romance department.. If I left I would want to be alone at least till I got through my depression and built up my confidence/life to a point where I was happy and distanced from the past… I am so different from my mum, dad and stepdad who caused trauma…. They were all big party animals- lots of pot, booze and coke….I’m a dorky book worm who hates drugs and loves to travel/hike… I know I won’t have what they had because I would never ever allow someone to treat me that way- I am happy in my own- but do I have to be on my own to be happy??? This is the mind of a depressed person…. And yes I have spoken to friends and Drs….. I journal to try and sort through my emotions…. I have spoken to my spouse about most of this and he believes I will get through it and come to desire him again but I just don’t know..,. Aghhhhh 🙁 good luck to anyone else on either side of this situation

  • June 1, 2017 at 4:11 pm

    I recently came out of a relationship with a partner who experienced both depression and anxiety
    He said that it was not me but him.. (this i had identified for myself ) but knew that the relationship should end..
    My mood was changing, my upbeat self was being ebbed away
    We ended our relationship. .it was the right thing to do. .he felt guilty about letting me down. .socially withdrawing and not being able to enjoy anything
    We parted..we talk..life is still a struggle for him daily..his guilt is still there..low moods are still there..social withdraw is still there..
    Sad but..it wasn’t me or him but depression and anxiety


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