3 thoughts on “The Dark Cloud: When Your Partner is Depressed

  • June 14, 2013 at 4:27 am

    Thank you for your great articles, I have read some before but today saw this one for the first time.

    I am at the last stage of this marriage-with-depression arch. I don’t want to be, but I have to face the fact that I am. I have tried the things you suggest in the previous stages but I think I could’ve done better (with boundary setting for example, my boundaries of your or my feelings and what is acceptable are too whimsical). Now I am facing the situation as it really is: not blaming my partner but not making up for his actions either, seeing my own part in this troubled marriage and seeing the realities of how the relationship is and how can it develop (as much as they can be predicted).

    The hardest part of seeing the reality as it is is not the devastation of the depression, it’s not even realizing the work both me and my spouse are facing if willing to recover from this — it is facing the deep confusion in my heart about whether or not, discounting the depression completely, this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Some things are great, some things suck. How much of the bad is caused by the depression? Also, we don’t have exactly the same life goals or views about our roles in the relationship. Even IF the depression fades, these will still be an issue. Is there strength, faith and point to continuing if after the hardship of depression we will again have to sit down and talk through these. And is living alongside someone with a depression worth it, if I have to give up some of my dreams because of the depression (some dreams for us) and some of them due to two butt-heads compromising (some dreams for me).

    Am I getting enough out of the relationship now? Could I get enough even if my husband was healthy? Or am I giving him too much power and should realize my life more according to my dreams, letting him choose if he wishes to stay with me through that or not.

    Basically just saying: yeah, it’s hard.
    Many thanks for your thought-provoking article!

    Reply
  • March 19, 2014 at 9:04 am

    Thank you for writing such a brilliant piece with such insight to the healthy partner. I have been living with my husband for 6 years with depression. It is the hardest way to live your life for you and your children. I have wanted him to leave numerous times but the guilt i then feel is so great i end up changing my mind. He is receiving counselling and is on meds but sadly they are not helping at the moment. He has taken overdoses 3 times as a cry for help but now these actions make me angry with him. I would not choose this life and I am sure my husband wouldn’t either but as for what to do about it I truly have no idea. What boundaries are acceptable. We haven’t made love for 10 months infact we don’t even share a bed anymore and the saddest part of that is in getting used to it.

    Reply
  • April 8, 2016 at 1:47 pm

    Hi, my husband has just been diagnosed with depression. To be honest I think it’s been going on for months.
    I really need some reassurance, my husband was an alcoholic but he’s been sober for 7years now but he’s so depressed sometimes I even wish he would have a drink.
    The real reason I am writing this is that my mother comityed suicide 11 years ago and now I am terrified in case my husband does the same thing.

    Reply
 

Join the Conversation!

We invite you to share your thoughts and tell us what you think in this public forum. Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. A first name or pseudonym is required and will be displayed with your comment. Your email address is also required, but will be kept private. (Please note that we use gravatars here, which are tied to your email address.) A website/blog/twitter address is optional.

Leave a Reply to Rachel Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *