5 thoughts on “Partners with Personality Disorders: Crazy-Making?

  • June 18, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    Which problems are associated with which personality disorders?

  • June 19, 2012 at 8:21 am

    This is a well-written article and so true. In our marriage, I have bipolar disorder and my husband has ADD. Both disorders create challenging scenarios but I am very understanding and forgiving and my husband is a brilliant observer of my condition and has a ‘coach mentality’ that I benefit from a great deal. We work well together. (Plus we are mature, 64 and 62, that helps) Life is not smooth but we are a functioning pair…it took time, and study, and prayer and love….
    Anyways, I would love to see you do a Part Two to this article. Show how a partner can react or respond or cope with some of these scenarios.

  • June 19, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    My husband was told by his mother (his sister has an MD but no license0 that he should divorce me because I have ‘a personality disorder’ of some kind. His Mother criticizes everyone..but focuses on members outside of their blood relatives. Seems to reverse everything. The behaviors ‘they’ exhibit discriminate, exclude, misinform, and diminish and belittle, sometimes to the point they dehumanize, others. They rarely show a lot of emotion, but repress and behave in really abusive ways. Rage…I cannot help but be enraged after what they do to me and my son. Sometimes the person who looks the best in some ways..is not the healthy one!

  • June 20, 2012 at 10:54 am

    It is definitely challenging to deal with someone with a personality disorder. I have found that meditating, either traditional or with CDs is very helpful. Taking care of yourself is paramount. We also attended a marriage bootcamp and it’s been amazing to have someone tell the differences between men and women in a way that the PD individual listens to and tries to understand. Talking and feeling compassionately is very important and if you can get to that point you might have a chance. So is stopping your anger before it escalates, and once it does, taking a break until your brain gets back to normal, rational mode. All situations seem to have varying degrees.You can learn to control your part in it to get to the best place you can in order for the other person to potentially accept new ideas. realize that no one can fix this for you and all of the complaining in the world won’t change your brain so it can start to turn the tables. You have to look compassionately at your partner, realize that the woman is probably feeling unloved or unlovable, while the man is probably feeling inadequate. if you can be sympathetic to that, you might change the negative vibes you are putting out being the victim and turn things around. BPD FAMILY a website dedicated to the partners of BPD people is a very helpful to help yourself understand and survive, especially if you have kids. Dr. Steven Stosny has a great bootcamp for learning Love without hurt. The books mentioned are also great. Learn all you can, but take care of yourself first or you’ll be no good to anyone.

  • June 20, 2012 at 11:04 am

    Jackie – these problems are probably most common in the Cluster B disorders: borderline, antisocial, narcissistic and histrionic personality disorder. loving dad’s recommendation of meditation is an excellent one. People with these problems can passionately believe you are entirely to blame – sometimes, for things that haven’t happened. It can take a lot of mindfulness to respond calmly and remember what the facts are.


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