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Partners Communicating: Commendation and Counsel Compassionately

shutterstock_150058466Communication is essential for life.

Our eyes communicate information, our ears, our nose, our mouth. All senses communicate simultaneously.

Communication is a learning process aka giving and receiving process.

A smile 🙂 or a frown 🙁  can communicate much to the world/fragile-life around us. When we frown, do we get a frown back? When we smile, do we get a smile back?

Positive Communication Giving is Positive Communication Receiving!

Our brain is in a constant state of communication whether we are conscious/unconscious or fully awake/fully asleep or anywhere (stages) in-between fully awake and/or fully asleep. Yeah, of course, for whatever reason: accident or other or illness or other (brain) communication can be strongly impaired/damaged….it can misfire/misinform.

“When we study human language,” wrote professor of linguistics Noam Chomsky, “we are approaching what some might call the ‘human essence,’ the distinctive qualities of mind that are, so far as we know, unique to man.”

Barbara Lust, professor of linguistics and human development, stated: “Children as young as 3 years of age already possess a remarkable knowledge of language structure and syntax which is so complex and precise that it must challenge any known learning theory to account for its acquisition.”

To me: Intelligence is simply good communication. Perhaps, higher intelligence can simply be viewed as higher communication. Perhaps? Superlative (beyond genius) intelligence is simply (well/not impaired in any manner by fault or filter) fully functioning superlative (beyond genius) communication.

Good, effective communication skills could be called wellness survival skills aka life prolonging/longevity skills.

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However you want to record/recode and/or break the chain… to me: life, in simple terms, is all about communication: perpetuating life means perpetuating communication!

Assertive or aggressive, passive or compassionate… seems to me: the way we interact is the way we communicate is the way we live!🙂

If we learn to communicate peacefully, will we learn to live peacefully?? IF we learn to communicate compassionately, will we learn to live compassionately??

The World Book Encyclopedia states: “If all peoples spoke the same tongue, . . . goodwill would increase between countries.”.

Quality of life could mean quality of communication or lack thereof. When communication breaks down and stops, life ends along with relationship and interdependency. (That is partially why I don’t believe “stories” of spirit mediums and the like truthfully talking with the dead and/or other hoaxes of dead grandpa instructing live relatives to pay money to fortune tellers, etc. for conducting seances. It’s just high/low tech ventriloquist/ventriloquism at work making unjust profits off of grief and/or fear of the dead/superstitions regarding death!)

Real Communication is taking place (heard) everywhere in the Universe… not always audible (language) to ears. You just sorta see (understand) observe this natural occurrence/communication in nature. Whether it’s the process of photosynthesis or the water cycle or any other biogeochemical cycle… in simple terms: it’s communication. Just cause we may not be privy to certain forms of communication, doesn’t mean communication is not happening. Get what I mean?!

Here are some astounding examples, I’ve read, of good-effective communication in nature…from which to learn wisdom:

Such as plants communicating with each other and with certain animals…

The Language of Animals says: “Animals use every sense, gesturing with appendages and body position; sending and receiving subtle—or not so subtle in the case of frightened skunks—odor signals; squeaking, squawking, singing and chirping; sending and receiving electrical signals; flashing lights; changing skin pigmentation; ‘dancing;’ and even tapping and vibrating the surface they walk on.” 

Land: Discover magazine reports that researchers in the Netherlands observed that lima bean plants, when attacked by spider mites, release a chemical distress call that attracts other mites that prey on the spider mite. Similarly, corn, tobacco, and cotton plants, when invaded by caterpillars, emit airborne chemicals that draw wasps—a lethal enemy of caterpillars. Said one researcher: “Plants are not just saying, ‘Yes, I am damaged,’ they are also saying specifically who is damaging them. It is such an intricate and fabulous system.

Air: Some birdcalls are recognized by other animals. Consider the honey guide, a small, thrushlike bird found mostly in Africa. True to its name, the honey guide, with its distinctive cry, will lead a ratel, a badgerlike member of the weasel family, to a tree containing a beehive. When the bird alights on or near the tree, it emits a different call that says, in effect, “Honey is near!” The ratel locates the tree, claws open the trunk, and indulges his sweet tooth.

Water: Secret Languages of the Sea, marine biologist Robert Burgess says: “Where one fish might ‘grunt, cluck, and bark,’ then repeat the performance precisely, another might ‘click and snap,’ then do a ‘scrape and rasp’ for an encore.” [Lacking vocal cords, how do fish make sounds?] Some, says Burgess, employ muscles “attached to the walls of their balloonlike swim bladders to vibrate those walls until their bladders” resonate like drums. Other fish gnash their teeth or open and close their gill covers with a distinct thud or clap. Is all this just meaningless “chatter”? Apparently not. Like terrestrial animals, fish make sounds so as to “attract the opposite sex, for orientation, as a defense against enemies, and for general communication and intimidation,” says Burgess.

There are many essential skills and positive traits and practices that make up good-effective-positive: private and/or public speaking! It’s useful to examine ways to improve. Making time for effective communication among partners, parents, friends, fragile-life, family reduces stress. Communication is both direct and indirect.

Which form of communication do You prefer Reader:) direct or indirect?! Harsh speech or gracious speech?!

How do You personally feel about the use of profanity? Obscene language? Abusive speech?

As humans of habits, it’s easy for us to fall into repetitive ruts of careless speech or harmful speech. We can habitually choose negative words over positive words. Speech can tear down or it can build up. Do You prefer being torn down? Or do You prefer being built up?

I’d rather be built up!🙂 All of us need commendation and all of us need counsel.

BTW: Big difference between sincere/heartfelt commendation and flattery with false front masquerading greedy motive(s).

Commendation: ~Why Commend Others?

In today’s ungrateful world, we all need to feel appreciated and loved. When we sincerely commend others, we strengthen and uplift them. Our heartfelt praise prompts them to keep on doing their best.

“A man rejoices in giving the right answer (in the answer from his mouth), And a word spoken at the right time–how good it is.” (Proverbs 15:23)

Counsel: Why we need it? Well, we could be endangering ourselves or others without even fully realizing. (For me, I appreciate sincere counsel based on wisdom (i.e. Biblical), love and concern for my well-being, etc.) Counsel can be life-saving. I’ve received timely counsel that has benefitted me tremendously. Trustworthy-compassionate counselors show by their word choice(s) they care for our wellness and happiness or they wouldn’t bother to offer counsel to help us.

 “Counsel and discipline help us to identify areas where adjustments are needed and then to see how to make these adjustments.”

Can we as Partners, Friends, Fragile-life avoid hurtful communication in our daily interactions?!

Cursing, profanity, and other forms of obscene language are part of everyday speech in today’s world. Many resort to expletives to emphasize their speech or to compensate for an otherwise limited vocabulary. Comedians often use vulgar, sex-oriented speech to make people laugh.

Abusive speech. Words have the power to hurt. Admittedly, at times… we all say things we regret.  Abusive speech—including degrading name-calling and harsh, relentless criticism—can strip others of their dignity and leave them feeling worthless. The tender and trusting hearts of children are especially vulnerable to the crushing effects of abusive speech.

Can we carefully choose our words so as NOT to crush any vulnerable ones unintentionally or intentionally?!

Here’s an interesting article in NPR: physicists-generals-and-ceos-agree-ditch-the-powerpoint

Not that I don’t enjoy PowerPoint… it has been my experience that…I’ve thoroughly enjoyed countless incredible lectures/talks/educational events (aka learning opportunities) that have not/do not use PowerPoint. My learning brain also enjoys lively-active-audience-participation/interaction as an effective learning/communication/living tool. (Active audience participation on my part helps me learn better.)

Here are some helpful hints I read: with practical points: ~ Gracious Acts Promote Good Relationships

Gracious speech and good communication help establish and sustain peaceful relationships. In fact, doing what we can to improve our relationships with others can improve our communication with them. Reaching out to others with sincere, kind acts–finding opportunities to help, giving a gift from the heart, extending hospitality–can contribute to open communication.

 One simple way of extending welcome & hospitality is a SMILE!:)

It must be recognized, though, that because of their background or environment, some people find it more difficult to smile than others. For instance, Japanese men are traditionally expected to keep perfect composure and to maintain silence at all times.  Therefore, many of them are not accustomed to smiling at those who are considered strangers. The same may be true of other cultures. Or some individuals may be shy by nature and may not find it easy to smile at others. Hence, we should not judge others by how big their smile is or how often they smile. People are different, and so are their characteristics and ways of communicating with others. ~Smile It’s Good For You

Every day we have opportunity as BFL: BreathingFragileLife, Friends, Partners to:

Commend & Counsel (aka HELP) each other Compassionately!:)

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Partners Communicating: Commendation and Counsel Compassionately

Joan Winifred


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APA Reference
Winifred, J. (2014). Partners Communicating: Commendation and Counsel Compassionately. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 20, 2018, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/wellness/2014/03/partners-communicating-commendation-and-counsel-compassionately/

 

Last updated: 18 Mar 2014
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 18 Mar 2014
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.