shutterstock_168922493I’m sick of numbers (hopefully momentarily)!

I sorta have this love, like, dislike and hate (strong dislike) emotional entanglement with numbers. An attraction, distraction, fascination and aggravation of mind-wrapping relationship with math.

I prefer words. I love words more. Numbers I tolerate. Numbers I like less.

I love facts. Sometimes, brain just jumps to the solution/answer and doesn’t want to bother with calculations, estimations or projections. (Statistics are alright.)

I live in a world of words…numbers try to take up residence, but usually get evicted before long.

Life can be like placement on a timeline and logistics all rolled into one mind-boggling mess to patiently sort out. Give me more patience PLEASE!:)

Math ain’t my thing. (Neither is proper grammar;)

I can’t defy gravity and I can’t defy numbers either. Can I defy time? NO! Compassion won’t let me. Thus, I resist.

Sometimes, math/brain games of life are a matter of chance, sometimes a matter of choice. Sometimes, a matter of survival. Sometimes, a matter of patience and timing and waiting.

In the timeline of my life…I could not help it, who was the first to show up: when and where. For example, my parents in my life and other family members and family friends…each taking their respective place(s) on my individual/personal timeline of life and the influence(s) (positive or negative) that brought whatever/whoever to (into) my existence or within my field of awareness.

{Choice(s) influenced my birth. Covenant/partnership influenced my birth and thus, the mathematical timeline of my life. My married parents chose to be together. Was it mathematical chance I was born in Massachusetts, USA in 1969?! If I was born in another country or culture, my life experiences and belief system may have been written differently/better?! -lol}

Of course, I subtracted some and added others/collected friends and mentors, friends of compassion to my numbered timeline as I progressed and/or as my life matured to adulthood and beyond.

It also reminds me of waiting in line and taking a number, say at a deli…when you approach, most likely there are others already in line waiting longer than You for their turn or waiting for their number to be called…you have no control over your own number sometimes. By the time I came along to pull my number at the deli…I was number ? I can’t be the number before me and I can’t be the number after meI have to be content with the number placement I am in anyone’s life including my own.

First Place and Last Place and anything in between…numbers keep calling me constantly. QUIET!

(I need quiet. My brain is fried at the moment.)

I’ve known my parents the longest out of anyone in my life…does that mean that I love/respect any other Fragile-Life to a lesser degree in my life??…may be ?? or maybe not??…actually, it just simply means, I’ve been loving/respecting them longer than say I’ve been loving/respecting my 8 year old…I adore all my kids!!

My son who is 14, happened to be on the scene sooner than my 8 year old…so, I’ve been loving/respecting him longer. I’ve known him more years than my 8 year old…so, he holds a certain placement in the timeline of my heart. It’s like older kids and younger kids or older friends and newer friends…you appreciate and value/respect/love them all for different reasons…so, you love them differently. Each relationship has it’s own life-time-line of events, eh?!

Love isn’t always a one size fits all kinda thing…it’s personal, it’s individualized. It’s time well spent. It’s sorta who showed up on the scene first…takes the number one ticket, then number two, three, four, etc.  (I didn’t invent number placement!;) Nor does that mean I favor number 1 over number ?.

Love multiplies…

I value everyone in my life and APPRECIATE everyone who happened to show up or touch my life either directly or indirectly, whenever that timing happened to be. (And what they have taught me in my life’s journey.)

It’s like clearly identifying/respecting responsibilities of Love and commitment and Vows (If you’ve made any): Family First.

My best friend on Earth of my Youth: Chato, formed a partnership/commitment many years ago, we’ve invested many years of time/work/energy into marriage: this relationship/companionship/partnership. So, naturally this partnership would take priority due to time, etc. investments made already. And when Your Partner from Your Youth gets sick and very sick i.e. Bipolar Disorder, etc…it’s heartbreaking!! You grieve. You cope. You move forward. You endure. You learn.

Love endures. Relationship(s) endure when love is real. (Time and trial have a way of answering questions aka problem-solving concerning love, eh?)

(You know Your Family…personally, for me, I have my actual physical-blood-ties family and then what I call: my spiritual family of Compassion Friends whom I’ve adopted or whom have adopted me and of course, my family of Global-Breathing-Fragile-Life!)

I LOVE ALL MY FAMILY MEMBERS!:) Family is a GIFT! THANK YOU for Cherishing Your Gift!

When each of us, All Breathing-FragileLife, treat one another with Agape love, respect, compassion and forgiveness: we express appreciation for Family!:)

Here’s an intriguing ancient verse about family and the universe…(some use the term Mother Nature, how about Heavenly Father?)

“For this reason I bend my knees to the Father, to whom every family in heaven and on earth owes its name.” (Ephesians 3:14,15)

I can’t control the timing of all events in my life. I cannot control who adopts me or not. I can only control me. Whatever member of my family needs me and when…I try to be there to help or whatever, whenever I can. I strive to promote peace!

However at certain times in life, a certain number task is calling. Please, don’t get my wrong, people are not numbers…it’s just organizing life and priorities and managing relationships and the needs of each relationship/family member and how they relate to you, etc and the best ways to fulfill responsibilities is math-like aka problem-solving. (And most problems are temporary.)

Family, friends, partnerships, caring, giving, loving, helping..takes lots of time management, organization, communication and compassion aka WORK!:)




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