The pain, the ache suddenly flares out of nowhere.
It’s hard to pinpoint exactly the trigger. (Did I overdo it (exercise) this week?) I pushed myself as always. (It’s probably due to a lack of enough sleep.) I’m feeling my 44 years that’s all (or stress).
Getting older, one notices pains and aches in different places. The heart/mind for people and places You fully realized existed; that You loved. In other words, never fully appreciated how fleeting, transient these places and people were/are.
Seemingly out of nowhere: this ache envelopes me…a heart ache. A grief pang. A compassion attachment issue.
No, this is NOT a manifestation of the emotional exploitation of the holiday season. This is something else.
I don’t let/allow myself/my mind/heart to focus/stay in this place of deep foreboding…this place of emotional, lonely pain for long…thus, this piece of writing release.
I will NOT allow it to envelope me and drown me.
It’s just a dull ache…that has the potential for persistence…for swelling. I need ice or heat.
It’s like a heart void/homesickness for my Mother, my Father, my Brother, My Husband (healthy husband), and Others…that sharply smacks me unexpectedly in the face. Ouch, my cheeks feel fire red.
Circumstance, disease and distance has a way of making one love sick, eh?!
It’s really all logistics anyway, eh? (Home and love reside together wherever…If your heart is big enough.) It’s all about organization, too. Managing self-control in healthy ways that keep one organized/focused on positives.
We all grieve over something or someone. We all learn to manage our unique grief in unique ways.
Having a healthy support system of genuine, compassionate friends, I’ve collected over time helps me. A lot of these friends have qualities I respect. Qualities that do remind me, in many ways, of my Mother, My Father, My Sister and My Brother and Others who were a daily part of my life at a younger time in my life. Living far away from the land of my close relatives, for a long/extended period of time, has been an amazing period of growth and loss for me personally.
I would not change any choice that has brought me here…to the here and now of my life in Florida. I just need to let go of any expectation(s) that this place will be similar or familiar to another place, each place is different…or that any one of these friends can (sorta) substitute or supplement the place of another from my past. Get what I mean??
Reality checks you when You don’t want it. It bites. It bleeds.
Volunteering weekly in my community helps. Positive reading, writing and dance help me deal. You just have to keep pushing through the pain of heart. It’s temporary. A passing pain. No pain, no gain?
This time of year, for some, is a hassle. Compulsory, perfunctory giving and unrealistic, impossible holiday expectations have some depressed. It can be a lonely time for those who have lost loved ones by death or distance or other.
In my opinion, tradition breakers, awake thinkers and truth seekers are survivors…some surviving pain of heart!
IF you follow/read any of my previous posts, You know by now: I just don’t buy into the various seasonal, fake frenzies forced upon the masses; contrived by religion or government to make money, to control minds or pacify outcries.
If I care/love You, You know it. 🙂 I don’t need a “specific” day of the year to show it to my family/friends/readers! If I want to give, it’s a cheerful/compassionate experience and not done begrudgingly.
Why be bullied into any activity? Why feel pressured to give, buy or do because everybody else is doing, buying or taking??
(I despise unrealistic expectations demanded of me.)
“It takes two to make a thing go right. It takes two to make it outta sight.”
Compassion is not formalistic/ritualistic! It’s simply: a way of everyday life.
“Learn to do good, seek justice, correct the oppressor, defend the rights of the fatherless child, and plead the cause of the widow.” (Isaiah 1:15-17)
To me: compassion (aka TRUE religion) IS a beautiful, giving lifestyle that e.g., looks out for, helps and pleads the cause of the underdog.
Give IF You want to give when You want to give. Don’t give If You don’t want to give when You don’t want to give.
“Let each one do just as he has resolved in his heart, not grudgingly (or reluctantly) or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” (2 Corinthians 9:7)
PEACE to Everyday People and…scooby dooby do, too!🙂
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