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A Partner in Pain: How to Help!

shutterstock_135280343#17, Yep that’s the one: “giving you trouble.” #17??  Left-side, bottom, wisdom.

On the 17th of July, my tooth #17 was bothering me! (Curious, eh? 717) Ended up at a dentist that afternoon. What brought me there? Pain.

Interestingly, to me anyway, this same tooth served as the “physical”/partial/smidgen/twinge of pain inspiration for post: -Pain-the-common-shared-human-experience-connecting-us-to-each-other- the major “emotional” pain inspiration for that post: (will keep to myself).

Now, I need oral surgery to remove this tooth, UGH!…cause I put off taking care of it. Actually, other things had to be taken care of in my life; other responsibilities that I deemed more of a priority than tooth #17.

Doesn’t every parent or partner do this?! Put the needs of Family, Partner, Child first. Of course, at the time, didn’t think I would eventually lose this tooth. Guess that’s not too bad, at 44, to lose 1 tooth…it’s not a limb or an eye or a vital organ; THANKFULLY!🙂 

Too bad it’s a wisdom tooth–need ALL the Wisdom I can get! -lol:) Of course You agree, You read my ramblings -lol


At the library, met a man missing limbs. Struck up a conversation–brief…tried to be encouraging. Seeing him and meeting him put my pain in proper perspective. I wonder what choices (may of or may not of) contributed to his loss?! Isn’t that what life and choices do: bring gain or bring loss, bring pain or bring peace. Long-sighted choices can bring peace and less pain.

Sometimes, it’s impossible to see the full scope of small, immediate choices (the trickle effect). It’s been trickling…

Fast forward to this present first week of September and guess what? Yep, #17 at it again! Lessons in pain–excruciating pain. No eat, No sleep, No writing, No talking! Actually, I experimented with ways of managing my pain.

How do You manage Your pain? In what ways do You help Your Partner who may be in pain?

  • acknowledging your partner’s pain
  • comforting words
  • comforting hugs
  • making appointments for treatment
  • bringing your partner to appointments
  • picking up the slack with household chores
  • cooking meals and child care
  • cheerfully giving and helping

Gotta give a shout out of THANKS to Hubby Chato Stewart Mental Health Humor & Kids for helping me with my pain or trying to help me find some relief!:)

What worked for my pain?? Staying on my feet, walking, dancing, swishing salt water in my mouth constantly and working on goofy/distracting moves (i.e. balancing a soup ladle filled with salt water with my left hand while dancing.) Music, prayer brought relief. I was coping with other physical pain besides this tooth so, as a last resort, stopped playing the martyr and took some pain reliever. Took the edge off, didn’t take the pain.

Nobody’s a stranger to pain. You know Your pain. I know mine.

My first discovery/learning of the meaning of physical “pain” came when delivering (vaginally/naturally without drugs) our first baby/our boy: 10lbs., 22 inches, head circumference 17--OUCHYWAWA!!;) Doctor told us 15 was the breaking point. (Also learned how to scream real loud that day!-lol)

My heart/tears weep for ALLBEAUTIFULFRAGILELIFE coping with chronic pain every day! I pray You get some relief! Pain can rob us of joy. It can rob us of precious time and positive interactions with loved ones. This intense jaw/ear/tooth pain consumed me for a couple days. It was tough concentrating on anything else, but finding relief. (Also learned joan rhymes with moan -lol.)


I hope You are not in any pain as You read this. If You are: I’m SORRY!

I HOPE/PRAY YOU get needed Relief and Fast! Please, seek out positive ways of relief and not negative ways that will eventually cause more pain.

Being wide awake to pain around the clock taught me deeper lessons of compassion. Now that I’m feeling a little better, I wish to display compassion more fully to everyone in my life, every day! Helping to alleviate pain in some small way can help the sufferer endure a long way. The strong/well must support/help the weak/sick endure. We are all weak and sick in some manner. We all need support/help even so-called healthy partners.

I couldn’t stop meditating about all the suffering/pain mankind is enduring globally due to poor and/or selfish choices and power struggles (i.e. war).

“When anyone wicked bears rule, the people sigh.” Proverbs 29:2

“It is plain to anyone with eyes to see that at the present time all created life groans in a sort of universal travail.” Romans 8:22

Each of us as Partner, Parent, Friend, Caregiver, Breathing-Fragile-Life must help one another with our pain in order to survive! We must deeply consider the needs of our fellow fragile life and be willing to cheerfully fill those needs.

We need to give and not just take. When we know pain, we know what brings relief. Those of us who choose compassion, please keep choosing to bring relief to the suffering! Too bad pain, war, sickness is big business.

My previous dentist prescribed me an antibiotic three days ago…and today Friday, Hubby brought me to another place (emergency dental/surgery facility) where we thought, told over the phone, they would be able/willing to help me (i.e. yank the tooth)! No can do, well not today because #17 is tricky, partially broken with roots touching my jaw nerve…oh, and to pull tooth with anesthesia $850+ up front. I brought my own x-ray. Couldn’t yank my tooth, but had no problem yanking my $81.00–fee for not helping me. It’s expensive opening your mouth to strangers for 5 minutes, huh?

It’s sad/unfair when the poor in pain cannot afford relief. 🙁

Personally, I have to shop around for an affordable/reasonable estimate/consultation. It’s sorta like finding a fair, reasonably priced car mechanic. This afternoon, reliable Friends recommended a different oral surgeon, no openings for consultation till September 16th. May be ? by then, I’ll learn more positive ways of pain management and won’t be complaining..oops, I mean explaining to You my empathic readers! THANKS MUCH for listening!

May be? my (goofy) pain dance moves/distraction techniques will improve by then -lol Practice makes better. 🙂

#17 is costing me. What’s Your pain costing You?! More than a few tears, huh?

photo-no available at Shutterstock
photo–d-rendered-toon-character-funny-tooth available at Shutterstock

A Partner in Pain: How to Help!

Joan Winifred

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APA Reference
Winifred, J. (2013). A Partner in Pain: How to Help!. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 7, 2019, from


Last updated: 6 Sep 2013
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