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What Am I Suppose To Do?!

shutterstock_60309634A question i keep mulling over and over again…“What am i suppose to do?”  (for YOU??) for current context check out: How Do I Help YOU?

There isn’t a day that goes by i don’t contemplate the depth, the b-r-e-a-t-h, the HEIGHT and (answer) subsequent consequence of this (complex) question.

Living compassion or “doing” “trying” Your best to live/act compassionately is perplexing at times (for me anyway). Wielding one’s personal power of compassion can get tricky….and sticky as in attachment issues. The tricky part: knowing the appropriate thing to do and/or say to actually help (anyone) instead of actually hurt (anyone) by accident. The sticky part…it can get messy. (For some context check out: What I learned from a…Mosquito?!)

Every day i’m learning–“fragments” of the answer to above-said important question: What am i suppose to do

Like just a few minutes ago, i’m deep in thought..while going through the motions of washing my hands and happen to look down and there is this teeny-weeny sugar ant in the sink…just as i notice (initially become aware of) the ant and think–be careful joanie NOT to drown this ant by mistake!…a drop of water (from me rubbing my hands together) is already in motion/on course and…splatters him flat!…i then try blowing warm air on his motionless body..i’m SAD:(…i “think” “know” he’s dead…i’m not quite “accepting” it yet so, i’ve let him be…in the sink…and am now writing about What am i suppose to do

My unaware carelessness caused the unintentional/accidental death of this “sugar” ant. Bigger picture: any careless unawareness could cause hurt, harm, unintentional/accidental death to more than an ant. Something sweet/precious could die. My writing is like me rubbing my hands together to wash them…and i don’t know the full impact on any Reader (or not). i do know– i can’t live without washing my hands…can i live without writing?? Well, i can write…(i don’t have to click publish…?)

What am i suppose to do???

(i “aim” (each day) to live in a way that doesn’t harm…much. Let’s move those 3 letters (aim) around..aka i long as i am (a live) or You are (a live)...what is Your aim?! or What am i suppose to do? 🙂

To help with Your aim…on-line dictionary description for context:

Point or direct (a weapon or camera) at a target.
A purpose or intention; a desired outcome.
verb. direct – intend – point – level
noun. purpose – goal – object – end – intention – target

AIM = I AM = PURPOSE = What am i proving to be? What i am is…my aim

or What am i suppose to do?

Anyway, i am just a teeny-weeny little ant…(working) going about my little life and then due to carelessness/unawareness on my part or on the part of someone else…i could be dead/drowned/splattered like above-mentioned ant. This example teaches me: sometimes, we don’t fully realize the power we possess. The power of our hands. The power of our words. The power to heal. The power to hurt. The power to help…(The power of motion/action)…or the power of…

What am i suppose to do?…(in any given circumstance, etc. and especially as Caregiver and Partner and Parent and Friend and whatever You want to call me..)

And of course, to help means one must care and love (agape, etc.) is a powerful emotion to regulate in the proper way. Self-regulation and self-control of emotion is not easy! Perhaps easy for You? but not easy for me!

(Love is a fire. It’s easy to burn and get burned.) Flame of love reminds me of exquisite ancient poetry/song. Have You read the Song of Solomon? (An entire post and then some should/could be devoted to this “perfect” piece of writing.)

Here’s a sample–a favorite verse:

Place me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; because love is as strong as death is, insistence on exclusive devotion, is as unyielding as sheol is. Its blazings are the blazings of a fire, the flame of Jah. Many waters themselves are not able to extinguish love, nor can rivers themselves wash it away. If a man would give all the valuable things of his house for love, persons would positively despise him. ~Song of Solomon 8:6,7

“A poetic book of the Hebrew Scriptures that tells of the unswerving love of a Shulammite girl (a country girl from Shunem, or Shulem) for a shepherd boy and King Solomon’s unsuccessful attempt to capture her love. The opening words of the Hebrew text designate this poem as the “song of songs,” that is, a “superlative song,” the most beautiful, the most excellent song. It is but one song and not a collection of songs.”

Value. The Song of Solomon illustrates the beauty of enduring and constant love.” ~excerpted from Insight on Scriptures

Here’s another description of this superlative love poem i read:
“It is an idyllic poem loaded with meaning and most colorful in its description of beauty. The reader who can visualize the Oriental setting will appreciate this still more. (Song of Sol. 4:11, 13; 5:11; 7:4) The occasion for its writing was a unique one. The great king Solomon, glorious in wisdom, mighty in power, and dazzling in the luster of his material wealth, which evoked the admiration even of the queen of Sheba, could not impress a simple country girl with whom he fell in love. Because of the constancy of her love for a shepherd boy, the king lost out. The book, therefore, could rightly be called The Song of Solomon’s Frustrated Love.”

“The song teaches the beauty of virtue and innocence in a true lover. It teaches that genuine love remains unconquerable, inextinguishable, unpurchasable.”

This “flame/fire” reminds me of something else i recently read (Sorry, at this moment, my brain can’t remember exactly where/in order to reference): it was a thought-provoking illustration about marriage and the power of sex (to heal or to harm) the illustration contrasted sex inside marriage as a controlled/contained camp fire to sex outside marriage as an uncontrolled/raging forest fire…


What am i suppose to do?…

This illustration got me thinking/reflecting on the power of my own campfire (i.e. committed relationship/marriage of  22 years (this coming October 6th) to Chato Stewart Mental Health Humor…and the results of this “particular” fire which is contained, protected (i.e. use of birth control) and still this camp fire managed to produce 4 “wanted” pregnancies!)


Wouldn’t You agree, love, fire, sex…has to be respected for safety measures, for wellness measures? A reasoning, logical, compassionate person cannot help but acknowledge this truth: Fire fighters do find it necessary to extinguish raging forest fires…for the safety and wellness of all concerned, eh?! Who wouldn’t readily acknowledge the wisdom of fire safety and fire prevention, right? When people don’t respect fire/life/sex/love…they may act irresponsibly and endanger themselves and damage/hurt/death may occur! Do any of us really want damage, hurt, death??!

When it comes to fire…the laws/organization of the universe/laws of interdependency i.e. fire, gravity, love, etc. all of these were already here long before me…before my existence…before my first breath…so,

What am i suppose to do? 

Listen to modern song?!…it too teaches, eh?

Honestly, by choice of compassion, i “try” not to (disrespect) play with fire aka start trouble, etc. (or at least, don’t mean to)..though, Hubby thinks i’m an adept fire-starter (for some related context read: Dance, Dancer, Dancing)…hey, it takes skill(s) to start a fire without a match, eh?-lol:) Ever watch those survival shows…(i.e. Survivor Man Les Stroud)?  You’re out in the wilderness, it’s raining, you’re cold, you’re wet, you’re famished and You need fire to survive. This troubled world in which we live can be a harsh wilderness…we are all soaked, freezing and famished…wouldn’t You welcome a little warmth (i.e. Agape/unselfish love/compassion)?! A little fire to warm your hands?? A little help at just the right time?? Would You want to freeze to death??

What am i suppose to do?

Warmth an essential quality like approachability…i try to exhibit. Thereby becoming a friendly feeder of the hungry (and cold). We are all hungry and not just for food for the body. (Hungry Anyone?)

Here i go again: ranting  my highly symbolic ramblings, musings (of motion) or (depending on point of view: idiotic mind wanderings)…THANKS AGAIN for YOUR PATIENCE, my DEAR READER! Oh and Your forgiveness, too!🙂

What am i suppose to do?!

For example, we’ve all fed little hungry animals, right? The birdies, the fishies, the turtles, the squirrels, stray cats, etc.  Laws of nature, laws of physics, laws of fundamental forces, laws of cause and effect come into play all the time, whether we are totally aware or not of these laws of organization (laws of interdependency). For example, i know there may be? possibly? a monkey out there in need of some potassium?...feed or not to feed, that is the question?!  i believe IF it’s in the power of  your hand to do something good for someone–you should do it!…within reason and boundaries serve as safety protections.🙂  Of course, what one would like to do and what one is able to do…two very different things, eh? Hey, i’d like to be able to feed the whole world…so

What am i suppose to do?

IF you had the power to bring sight to the blind…say person(s) born blind...compassion would call for gradually bringing them out of the dark…giving them needed time to adjust. Think about it: going from pitch black (darkness/night) gazing to brilliant sun gazing: OUCH! photokeratitis or solar retinopathy. Learning/growing/seeing has to be incremental and progressive…constant small/tiny adjustments over time. Patience required!  So, say You have the power to help someone see/learn…what IF once they do see …how do you shield/protect that person from the reality/sight of a scary violent scene, etc.? Their eyes are now open and fully functioning…what they choose to look at or not…is that your responsibility??! More knowledge can mean more pain, more suffering on different levels. (That is 1 teaching/learning dilemma i struggle with). Wait n’ see …joanie…

What am i suppose to do?

Here in Florida, i believe/”think” it’s against the law to feed alligators. Feeding can be dangerous business, eh? Plus,

Once you start feeding hungry (wild) animals…they want more, and more and more. They keep coming around expecting food. Of course, after a while the wild become domesticated. The domesticated become pets. And how many pets can 1 person “adequately” care for?!

What am i suppose to do?

(It’s not easy learning your limitations, eh?)  i LOVE all my pets! Don’t YOU??:)


Our 8 year old, taught me a lesson of love/attachment…(her and my other daughters always share their candy, stuff, etc). For the sake of privacy…(names, details will be left out of this true-story) in our neighborhood lived a bunch/gang/group of (in my opinion) very needy kids…(not just food needy, multi-level needy)!  We are all multi-level needy…age kinda makes no difference.

My kids on their own reached out to these kids/befriended them/spoke to them/played outside…cautioned/supervised somewhat by me…anyway, over time i begin noticing/observing my youngest (8 years old) (on her own) tossing out our back sliding doors and on neighbor’s lawn (on various occasions)…bunches of packaged candy hot balls. LOL! Don’t You know…out of nowhere come running all these kids after the candy! 🙂 i hear screaming: i LOVE YOU–(insert my daughter’s name)!…then i hear in response: i’m only 8 and too young to date!-lol:) WHAT?! is going on i ask…she then answers “innocently”…i’m just feeding my animals Mommy and they love me! lol:)…i smiled/ laughed/thinking about it: her whole life she’s been feeding birdies, turtles, fishies, etc. with Daddy and also, volunteering in our community with me…though, i started worrying about her turning into the neighborhood “candy” dealer…lol…cause all these kids started “expecting”  and some a little aggressively/wildly…candy from her every time they saw her/every day…anyway,

What am i suppose to do?

Buy more hot balls, eh?!🙂 The situation resolved itself; kids moved away unexpectedly! Wherever they are i pray, they get what they need even IF it’s just candy. BTW: i’m also praying: You get what You need 2! and praying i know: the compassionate thing ? is

what i am…suppose to do!….(publish this post!)



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What Am I Suppose To Do?!

Joan Winifred

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APA Reference
Winifred, J. (2013). What Am I Suppose To Do?!. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 31, 2020, from


Last updated: 16 Aug 2013
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