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How to Forgive: The Basics

shutterstock_124097521HAPPY August to YOU: BeautifulBreathingFragileLife!:) Just like the start of each new day is an opportunity for peace and wellness, each new month provides incentive to continue down a progressive path toward greater wellness. What do You hope to achieve this August? How about: Forgiveness?!

Forgiveness a great concept, eh? Achievable?? YES!:)

YES, YOU CAN FORGIVE!

You just have to know how. It takes knowledge and skill. Any knowledge, any skill takes time and practice to acquire. It takes baby steps.

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When a baby is learning to walk, they go slow. They cruise holding onto people and objects like chairs and couches, etc. Babies all have their shares of falls, bruises and bumps and of course, we try very hard to protect them from a head injury.

In my opinion (whatever YOU deem that worth), NOT being able to forgive is like a head injury…what i will call: a damaged compassion ability/skill. Some head injuries heal and are not permanent. Heal your head…(from You know what) and forgive: an ability/skill of compassion…let go of anger, frustration, resentment, heartache: STOP! dwelling on the negative. STOP! the recording playing in your head. Forgiveness lessens emotional pain…begin healing today: start taking your baby steps…REPLACE! a (each) negative thought for a positive thought. Keep at it. Keep going until Your Positive thoughts outweigh and even eliminate the other thoughts. Fill Your mind with positive, wholesome, life-giving thoughts and…

“Anxious care in the heart of a man is what will cause it to bow down, but the good word is what makes it rejoice.” (Proverbs 12:25) {When we choose positive/good words to think about and to speak, we heal}…

“Fight your way back from the dead”…why let love die because you refuse to forgive??? Don’t let something “precious” die…

FYI just in case: for song clarity NOT encouraging suicide whatsoever…see post: Suicide Prevention – Constant Vigilance and Ongoing Education

My kids and i read and discussed an AWESOME article on Forgiveness…here’s a summary/essay/excerpt of some key points that will help You, too:

Misunderstanding. Many spouses withhold forgiveness because they misunderstand what extending it will mean. For example:

If I forgive, I am minimizing the wrong.

If I forgive, I have to forget what happened.

If I forgive, I am inviting further mistreatment.

Really, forgiving does not imply any of the foregoing.

Sometimes it means that you simply need to let go of a matter, for your own well-being and that of your marriage (relationship).”

“Recognize the consequences of not forgiving. Some experts say holding onto resentment can put you at greater risk for a wide range of physical and emotional problems, including not to mention the damage it does to your marriage”(/friendship/relationship).”

“Become kind to one another, tenderly compassionate, freely forgiving one another.” (Ephesians 4:32)

Being Realistic and Being Reasonable: Don’t we all feel better with a little R&R?! 🙂

Accepting another person (spouse, friend, partner, child) for who they are flaws and all is realistic. We all make mistakes. We all say things we later regret. We all need forgiveness. Isn’t that what compassion does…accepts and helps….continues forward past the grievance.

Check out this point: “When you focus on what you didn’t get, it’s too easy to forget all of what you did get,” says the book Fighting for Your Marriage. Thinking positively about all the people in our life and looking at their good qualities helps us to be forgiving. Don’t dwell on what you didn’t get...dwell on what you have!:) You have reasons to be THANKFUL! and don’t worry about what others have. Others have what they need. You have what you need. We are all different. Thus, we all have different things because we all have different needs.

Choose an appropriate time to talk it out. A time when the other person will be receptive. Keep calm and gently explain why something offended you IF you cannot let it go. Stay away from dogmatic statements that impute bad motive to the other person. i always try to remember: i’m NOT a mind reader nor a heart reader. Give the benefit of the doubt to others because sooner or later: You will need it too.

i LOVE this ancient verse:

Continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely if anyone has a cause of complaint against another.” (Colossians 3:13)

{Let’s be realistic and reasonable: we may have a complaint against another and most likely there is someone out there who has a similar complaint against us…why be demanding when we can be reasonable. May be our expectations need to be adjusted. Are we requiring others to be perfect, when we ourselves are not?! Can we overlook a matter and move on for the sake of PEACE?! or for the sake of LOVE?! or for the sake of well-being?! or for the sake of the relationship?! Is making a fuss really worth it?! You decide and choose well….wellness means forgiveness….not holding onto resentment! Choosing well means LIFE!:)

This month(August) we are beginning goals for this upcoming new year here at Partners in Wellness…we will start off with compiling our

Achievable/Believable/Conceivable: ABC’s…. List: we need some tool to help us measure (albeit subjectively) our positive path progress...we will compile/tweak this running list (monthly i hope) and add to it and reflect upon it…these coming months:

Achievable/Believable/Conceivable: YES, YOU CAN!

1. Forgive! Let go of resentment.Renew a relationship: achievable/believable/conceivable: forgiveness!:)

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How to Forgive: The Basics

Joan Winifred


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APA Reference
Winifred, J. (2013). How to Forgive: The Basics. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 16, 2018, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/wellness/2013/08/how-to-forgive-the-basics/

 

Last updated: 26 Aug 2013
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 26 Aug 2013
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.