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Compassion Communication Saves Relationships!

shutterstock_135706406“It takes courage, determination, and resiliency to maintain a long-lasting relationship.” ~states John M. Gottman and Nan Silver, Marriage Researchers.

On “Sunday,” my family and i were doing some in-depth reading/study on the topic of Communication and how “Good” aka non-harmful or non-hurtful Compassionate Communication can strengthen a family. This post is basically an essay: describing somethings we discussed: somethings we read: as well as somethings:

i’ve been meaning to put to paper (put to post).

Courage, Determination, Resiliency essential qualities for any relationship, in particular, a very close relationship like marriage. If we don’t take time to build these positive, personal qualities (within ourselves), how do we expect any relationship to last…………………………………………………………long??

Compassion Communication aka Loving, Respectful, Humble, Kind communication which is learned and practiced over time (and continuously applied) helps maintain relationships. All relationships (including marriage) face unique challenges, for sure! All relationships can improve and/or succeed with Compassion Communication.

Partners, (Parents) and Friends obviously have different personalities, different cultures, different backgrounds, different communication styles and different skills…maturity teaches that differences do not have to divide. When we learn to appreciatively look at differences in a positive light and focus on strengths: the positive/endearing qualities that attracted us and attached us to a person– a relationship can flourish and grow and doesn’t have to end (and tragically). Learning to identify any obstacle to fulfilling, long-lasting relationships is critical. Compassionate Communication is a must for success.

Succinctly: (yeah, i know, still working on “it” …it being brief and to the point;)…No Communication = No Relationship or how about: No Good Communication = No Good Relationship or Non-Compassionate Communication = Non-Compassionate Relationship or how about: Compassionate Communication = Compassionate Relationship! (By George, i think she’s got it!:) Hooray, i should end this post now! -lol:)…but You know i won’t…cause: still learning self-control and..

As a chooser of compassion, i’m continually working on/trying to become a better communicator. It’s not easy! Understanding (that) being a better communicator means better/healthier relationships i.e. marriage/partnerships/friendships/care-giving/parenting, etc. forces me to keep at it! To keep breaking down compassion language barriers that impede my progress (i.e. pride, selfishness, lack of patience). Practice. Practice. Practice…aka talking, talking, talking. Oh Yes, cannot forget an important part of good communication: Thinking before speaking & LISTENING!…which requires respectfully being quiet…0h boy, tough for me.

THANK YOU my DEAR READERS & FRIENDS of COMPASSION:)…for putting up with me and my (rambling) writing communication style by reading/supporting my posts. (i’m such a work in progress as evidenced by these various long blogs and blog topics!;) i HOPE & PRAY something, anything i’ve written/communicated in my blogs, etc. has helped You in some small way!!🙂..IF not, i’m TRULY SORRY (& may be, YOU should stop reading my posts!)

It’s quite difficult to measure what impact (the full scope IF any) one may have on someone’s life…directly or indirectly, positively or negatively. i just hope that i’m helping YOU and NOT hurting You…my Reader!🙂

Chronic Challenges Require Chronic Courage…

When relationship challenges are chronic i.e. health issues, financial issues, communication issues, etc.– chronic effort, chronic work, chronic courage is required for any relationship to endure/survive/last!

Marriages and friendships work when partners/friends are willing to WORK!:) Let’s not bash the marital arrangement/covenant(s)/friendships because many marriages/relationships/partnerships fail…why do they fail?! 1 reason: a lack of Good Communication….a lack of follow-through on what one said one would do. (Easy to say not easy to do, eh!…but NOT impossible!) Just because some partners are NOT willing to make their partnerships work or to live-up to certain agreements…doesn’t mean all partnerships/relationships/marriages are doomed automatically. A Positive (Possible) Attitude helps!:)

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“Happily married for 20 years, one man said: “Sometimes the words ‘i’m SORRY!’ are more important than ‘i Love You!'”

Pride, however, is anything but conciliatory. It stifles communication because it takes away both the desire and the courage to apologize. Instead of humbly saying, “I’m sorry; please forgive me,” the proud person makes excuses. Rather than courageously acknowledging a weakness, he points to faults in the other person. When hurt, instead of pursuing peace, he takes offense, perhaps retaliating with harsh words or icy silence. Yes, pride can be lethal to a marriage. ~Strengthen Your Marriage Through Good Communication

{i would add: pride can be lethal to any relationship. Failure to take responsibility for our actions or speech is immature. Certain relationships require all of us to grow up fast, eh? And to grow up, we all have our share of growing pains…me too. 🙂 To grow UP requires cultivating humility/modesty which i am working on constantly. Learning to forgive doesn’t come easy, but forgiveness can be learned. Without forgiveness–how would any relationship continue??}

If people value a relationship, they work for it. If they don’t value it, they don’t work for it…other things, other than the relationship, take priority. Experience teaches what You put into something, you (usually) get (“that”) out of it.

Let’s Try: Please Practice these Proverbs and SEE FOR YOURSELF: what happens: (i will do/”try” the same!)

“By Wisdom a household will be built up, and by discernment it will prove firmly established.” (Proverbs 24:3)

“Anyone holding back his sayings is possessed of knowledge, and a man of discernment is cool of spirit.” (Proverbs 17:27)

“He that is showing insight in a matter will find good,[…]” (Proverbs 16:20)

“As apples of gold in silver carvings is a word spoken at the right time for it.” (Proverbs 25:11)

Let’s Quickly: Dissect these Proverbs: What positive traits will help us better communicate compassion??

  • Discernment/Insight, Restraint/knowing when to speak up or shut up.
  • Keeping Calm/Cool.
  • Speaking the “right” aka kind word at the “right” aka appropriate time.
  • Conveying our thoughts/feelings in a loving, respectful and kind manner will build up every household/relationship/family!
  • An atmosphere of Love, Appreciation, Respect and Forgiveness elicits honest-open communication!:)

Question for Consideration:  What atmosphere am i creating?! shutterstock_134218655

 

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Compassion Communication Saves Relationships!

Joan Winifred


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APA Reference
Winifred, J. (2013). Compassion Communication Saves Relationships!. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 11, 2018, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/wellness/2013/07/compassion-communication-saves-relationships/

 

Last updated: 23 Jul 2013
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 23 Jul 2013
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.