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Compassion Communication: Parents & Children: Listening & Talking.

shutterstock_143462062Most parents do indeed love their kids; most days, right? -lol:) Children do indeed love their parents; most days, right? -lol:) However, some parents and kids have so little time together for meaningful communication.

Today, my kids and i read an article and discussed together the topic: “Communicate with Love.”

As we discovered “succinctly” together (You, my Reader, & me) in our last post/communication Compassion Communication Saves Relationships!  : no communication = no relationship; non-compassionate communication = non-compassionate relationship and what we are all working for: Compassionate Communication = Compassionate Relationship!:)

As parents, we have to help our kids choose well. How do they learn to communicate or to make choices? Our example plays a key role. If we want our kids to respect us as parents, we need to respect our kids. If we want our kids to listen to us, we must listen to them. If we want them to speak nicely and choose compassionate words over bitter, malicious ones, we need to choose words that heal.

Who likes a bitter taste on your tongue? It’s repugnant. Our speech must be sweet to reach our kids’ fragile hearts.

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 Some wise parents, who realize kids aren’t little long and are worth the best of their time and energy, have decided to make lifestyle changes in order to spend more time with their kids while they are young. Some Moms choose to stay home with their kids or work from home. Lots of Dads make similar choices while working hard to provide materially for their families, they realize their families need emotional and spiritual support as well.

Hats off to YOU Parents, working hard to care for Your little ones and teens!!:) i HOPE this post will encourage You to continue making parenting your child a priority! Your child needs You. (Please, be there.)

I’ve been a parent for 14 years, 9months now. Time flew by way too fast! I chose to stay at home and/or work secularly from home (in a limited way) in order to be fully present for my young ones. It hasn’t always been an easy choice. (For example, i cannot count how many interruptions i got writing this post…my kids wanting to talk to me. Mind You, i’ve been with them all day since early morning.(i’m always on call 24/7 as any parent should be.) LOL…barely finished typing last line–guess what, another kid coming to talk to me. My writing is a stop n’ go, stop n’ go, stop n’ go, process and a work in perseverance/tenacity despite distractions.)

All choices come with a measure of sacrifice. Hubby has chosen to arrange his work to spend the most time he can with our children. We are flawed as parents. We try our best. But (when i do get some sleep-lol) i sleep peacefully knowing i used the better portion of my day/my time/my energy with my kids. (i know my kids and my kids know me well.) Before long, they will be grown. In the long-term scheme of life/things…what’s 5, 10, 15 (and so on) years together with your kids before they grow up and move away possibly. Parenthood is a process–a 20 year project together…a PRIVILEGE in which to participate. Kids are a gift. Please parents...let’s continue to look at the positives of parenthood! TREASURE this privilege of caring, influencing, inculcating, lovingly guiding younger life in the ways of compassion!:)

If YOU only had TODAY to communicate with Your child: What would You say? and Why?

 

“If You were to somehow find out that your parents were going to die tomorrow, what would you most want to tell them today? That was a question put to hundreds of children in the U.S. Rather than focusing on any existing problems and differences that might have been troubling them, some 95 percent said that they would tell their parents: “I’m Sorry” and “I Love You so Very Much.” —For Parents Only, by Shaunti Feldhahn and Lisa Rice.

It’s never the wrong time to say: “I Love YOU!” to Your child.  Unfortunately, life has some of us heading in different directions. Families are busy. Parents have work. Kids have school. Finding time together can be a challenge. As parents, what can we eliminate from our schedules that could free up some time for our kids? Can we shut off the TV, Computer, electronic media? Sadly, some families live separate lives under the same roof…and are virtual strangers. To protect our families and children from negative influences, frequent meaningful communication is a must.

“After conducting many interviews with young people, the authors of the book For Parents Only noted another barrier to communication. They say: “The kids’ number one most common complaint about their parents was, ‘They don’t listen.'” “Parents make that same complaint about their children.

Being attentive to our children when they are speaking isn’t easy when you’re tired and stressed. Aren’t most parents tired and stressed? Asking lots of questions is important. What positive questions can You ask Your kids today?! Questions that do this:

A person’s thoughts are like water in a deep well,” says the Bible, “but someone with insight can draw them out.” (Proverbs 20:5, Today’s English Version)

Parents, we have life experience, insight, wisdom learned through years of living that can truly help our kids. However, IF we are not approachable, our kids will go elsewhere for help. Perhaps, to another inexperienced peer that could give them insufficient or misinformation that could ultimately hurt..say on a serious, taboo topic (i.e. sex) etc. Topics should not be taboo. Our kids should not be afraid to ask us anything. Though, i must admit, it’s tough at times not…too overreact or lecture because we want to protect. I tend to over-protect which i’m working on…for further context check out this past post: Are You GREAT just because You Exist?!

Finding balance and remaining calm, neutral, non-judgmental, approachable, loving and compassionate, kind…takes concerted effort and self-control. Our kids are worth it! We must listen respectfully to our kids concerns, no matter how seemingly trivial to us…kids concerns are not trivial to them! If it’s important to our kids, shouldn’t it be important to us?! We were all kids once…let’s protect our kids’ precious childhood!

Approachable: on-line dictionary description to contemplate:

  1. Friendly and easy to talk to.
  2. (of a place) Able to be reached from a particular direction or by a particular means.
Synonyms
accessible – available – come-at-able – pervious

Compassion communication takes lots of practice. Each day we have ample opportunity for improvement: i.e. saying i’m sorry!…Learning to freely forgive, helps our kids learn the same. And IF everyone could freely forgive (topic for another post, eh?) this world would be a nicer place to raise kids.

“All his spirit is what a stupid one lets out,” states a wise Proverb, “but he that is wise keeps it calm to the last.” (Proverb 29:11)

Be harmoniously joined together in love.” (Col. 2:2)

What family doesn’t need more harmony, peace and love?! Our-Entire-Global-Family-Brotherhood-of-Breathing-Fragile-Life does!:)

P.S. Just wanted to publicly say: THANKS to my 4 good Kids and LOVE YOU LOTS!!:)

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Compassion Communication: Parents & Children: Listening & Talking.

Joan Winifred


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APA Reference
Winifred, J. (2013). Compassion Communication: Parents & Children: Listening & Talking.. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 21, 2018, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/wellness/2013/07/compassion-communication-parents-children-listening-talking/

 

Last updated: 28 Jul 2013
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 28 Jul 2013
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.