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A Compassionate Caregiver Cries

Uncle Jack and his grandson SullyA compassionate Caregiver Cries!…a lot and not just tears!  (A compassionate care-giver cries for help as a voice for the voiceless and trampled upon!) Have you been trampled upon?! I am sorry this happened to You!

How many tears have you shed? Too many to count?

Tiny little droplets streaming down my face flowing into a blue ocean. An ocean teeming with life. Tears are a sign of life–you are alive!  What a privilege, what a gift to be alive! That you feel. That you care. That you are not desensitized and numb or apathetic to the suffering around you. We all suffer. Yet some let their love cool off. Without love, we become harsh, hard, rigid, brittle, inflexible, unfeeling, breathless, weak, dead.

Love needs to be cultivated which starts at home. Mothers and Fathers teaching and showing young ones what “true” love is….setting an example within the family setting in the loving way they treat one another and speak with one another. Love lessons. It’s so sad that many children grow-up without a Mother or Father or both. So, these early love and loyalty lessons, lessons of healthy emotional communication/expression/action go untaught. We know what happens if a child is not read to at an early age. They may struggle to learn to read later.

From where do motherless and fatherless children learn basic life lessons/skills? From school, from the streets, from t.v., from movies, from the internet, from peers, from other adults? Are parents abdicating their responsibilities too easily; leaving young ones to fend for themselves? Where does one go for compassion education?

Our first teachers are our parents. If you rarely or never get a hug, a gentle word, empathy, a tissue to wipe your tears from your parents when you’re a child, how does that impact other relationships as you grow older age-wise? How does that affect ones emotional growth? The answer is pretty obvious. Negatively.

Let’s not trample on the fragile!

We are all fragile!

Years ago, you would see groups of teens roaming the streets unsupervised. Now, elementary age or younger are struggling to survive the streets. That makes me cry!! Much too young kids roaming the streets like stray animals. However, people may readily feed and help a stray cat/dog, but who readily adopts a stray kid? The vulnerable need compassion and we are all vulnerable! No one is immune to vulnerability, no one superior. We are all someone’s child!

Do you cry? Are your tears in vain? Some view crying, especially in men, as a weakness. I don’t! Is it a lack of self-control? Crying is so much more than just an emotional outlet or outburst or display of frustration or pain.

Crying can be an Expression of Compassion.

I like this Biblical passage: “Do put my tears in your skin bottle. Are they not in your book?” This was written by David, a fugitive beleaguered by foes, requesting that His God, in whom he placed his trust, to put his tears as if in a skin bottle in order to remember them. Trusting someone with our tears can be extremely difficult. Never mind being a fugitive on the run…Who do you trust with anything and with your tears??! What kind of person or “personality” would care about your tears?! Someone who understands/gets your pain. Someone who loves you.

Do your tears matter to anyone? Do tears really matter much to humans or gods? If you have a god…Does your god remember your tears? David’s God did. Logic (though tears is an emotional topic) tells me a “God” who remembers tears doesn’t sound like an “impersonal” unfeeling, distant, cold force…this sounds like a compassionate, loving personality of sorts to me. In times of deep trouble, this fugitive David clung to his God not another human. Throughout the globe many are experiencing times of trouble. (BTW: I hope You are not!) Who do you cling to?! Who hears your tears and cries for help?

How does one develop a compassionate, benevolent “personality”? A compassionate, benevolent personality has very strong appeal. Who wouldn’t cling to a caregiver/partner/god like that? Someone who would save your tears as precious, remember them, remember you and not throw them or you away. May be, that’s what a “true” friend is. Someone who doesn’t dismiss, downplay, discard or take selfish advantage of or exploit your tears. Someone who doesn’t exploit your vulnerability.

Here’s some questions for consideration: who can deliver those “crying” for help?! Today’s politicians?! Are they busy writing a book recording your personal tears? Are they holding a skin bottle full of your tears or a bottle of booze drowning their own sorrows?! Who can deliver us from our pain and our problems…Certainly, not someone who doesn’t care about tears! 

How would you define compassionate care-giving? I might simply sum it up this way:

“Rejoice with those who rejoice.

Cry with those who cry.” 

The ability to feel what others feel, to understand what they are going through and not be afraid to show it. To me,  part of compassionate care-giving is rejoicing with those who are happy and crying with those who are sad.

Vintage Shoes (2)Wearing someone’s shoes even if they are too small or too big. Does shoe size really matter, any way? Some of us are just happy to have shoes. (Do you “willingly” squeeze yourself into someone’s shoes?!) Compassionate care-givers and partners are in it for the long haul. They’re not in it to win it. (say the argument, etc.) They’re in it to finish it. (stop arguing, etc.) Why can’t we let others win? Do we have to be first? Do we have to come out on top?

Humility is so important to compassionate care-giving. If we lack humility, we cannot be inconvenienced and our needs come first. Humility helps us put our own personal comfort aside to assist someone. As partner and caregiver, are you willing to work out of your personal comfort zone?! Do your needs come first? Do you willingly put others ahead of you? Do I show my kids that their needs are more important than my needs? If I ask my kids that question, would our answers match?!

We all need care. Sick or healthy (you choose your definition of what or who is “sick” or what or who is “healthy”)…We all need compassion. Everyone on the planet is in need of compassion. Young and old, rich or poor, male or female. When we extend a helping hand, show some empathy, be there, we unite in the bonds of brotherhood! Isn’t that a noble cause– a world-wide brotherhood united by the bonds of love?! Compassionately (unselfishly) working harmoniously together for the benefit of all people.

Hey, we all need a good cry now and then to let it all out. Crying helps us heal. In difficult, sad situations when words don’t flow freely– tears often do…tears become our words, words of love, words of empathy, words of sympathy, words of hope. When your pain is my pain. When your joy is my joy. When your love is my love. Now that’s fellow feeling.  A pure language of love being spoken through deeds of compassion. What language do you speak?! Are you fluent?! Imagine a world where everyone speaks the same language of love. Where everyone understands each other. Where everyone truly, unselfishly loves one another! Wouldn’t you want to live there?!

Compassion is love in action. Compassion is an awareness of someone’s suffering. Compassion is tender mercy with a desire to alleviate someone’s suffering. Wouldn’t everyone’s life improve with more compassion? This world would be less hostile, less violent and more warm and inviting. This world (our house) would be a home! Of course, a clean home brings many health, (mental, emotional, physical, spiritual) benefits to a family. Compassion education cleanses.  The human family needs a clean home to live well. The human family is in desperate need of compassion on a global-scale!

We all need to give. Not just take. Are you a giver? or are you a taker? Don’t be a faker (those who pretend to give but do so with a hidden, selfish agenda). To be compassionate means to give. THANK YOU for showing compassion today!! You make this world a better place for everyone’s child!!

I wonder how many tears I’ve shed writing this…if my tears are my words…my word/tear count is 1,444. What is your tear count?! Let’s record it and remember it. Please, don’t stop…crying!! Your tears do count…and your words, too.

(Happy to share my big box of tissues with You!!:)Mucus Containment System
Creative Commons License photo credit 4: arbyreed

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Creative Commons License photo credit 2: Achintha Dahanayake

Creative Commons License photo credit 1: Rochelle, just rochelle

A Compassionate Caregiver Cries

Joan Winifred

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APA Reference
Winifred, J. (2012). A Compassionate Caregiver Cries. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 6, 2019, from


Last updated: 5 Sep 2012
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