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20 Questions for Exploring Unconditional Self-Love

blooms in brooklyn, april 2013

Yesterday, we explored what unconditional self-love looks like. Today, I’m sharing some questions we can ask ourselves to start (or keep) loving ourselves unconditionally. Because I personally find it helpful to divide something as big as self-love into its many parts. I find it helpful to have prompts (like questions) to dive into and think through. One word. One sentence at a time. I hope you might, too.

  • What does unconditional self-love look like for you on a daily basis?
  • Does it consist of self-care? What kind of self-care?
  • When you love yourself unconditionally, how do you wake up?
  • When you love yourself unconditionally, how do you move your body?
  • When you love yourself unconditionally, how do you speak to yourself?
  • When you love yourself unconditionally, what kind of people do you hang out with?
  • When you love yourself unconditionally, how do you eat?
  • How do you go to sleep?
  • What kinds of activities do you engage in?
  • What does your home look and feel like?
  • What beliefs underlie your self-love?
  • What is one feeling you can accept and feel?
  • What rules or conditions can you relinquish to love yourself unconditionally?
  • How do you relinquish them? What steps can you take? For instance, this might include seeing a therapist.
  • How can you tend to your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual needs?
  • How are you thinking and feeling right now?
  • What is your truth today?
  • How do you love your closest people unconditionally? What does this entail?
  • How can you start to love yourself in this way?
  • When you think of loving yourself unconditionally, what reactions do you have? These might be a range of reactions, even contradictory ones, which, of course, is totally OK.

I know this is a longish list of questions. So pick the first question you feel like answering. Journal your response. Then when you’re ready, explore another question. Write whatever pops into your head, even if it doesn’t make sense right now.

Let your needs, wants, wishes, big dreams, insecurities, self-doubts spill out onto the paper. Let your mind and body speak the raw, bare, unvarnished truth.

In fact, isn’t this the first step of loving ourselves unconditionally? To listen intently to our thoughts, feelings, sensations, reactions — wholeheartedly open, without judgment, welcoming whatever arises.

20 Questions for Exploring Unconditional Self-Love

Margarita Tartakovsky, MS

Margarita is an associate editor at She writes about everything from taking compassionate care of yourself at any weight, shape, and size, to coping healthfully with difficult emotions. Her goal is to give readers practical, empowering tips to better their lives, and to remind you that whatever you're struggling with, you're never, ever alone.

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APA Reference
Tartakovsky, M. (2015). 20 Questions for Exploring Unconditional Self-Love. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 28, 2020, from


Last updated: 10 Apr 2015
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