16 thoughts on “Borderline Personality Disorder: Social Survival Skills

  • August 9, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    Great post! A little more detail on self-care,manners,empathy,conflict resolution… would have been good,but it is still well written & helpful.

    • August 9, 2012 at 8:44 pm

      Hi Anna, thank you for that lovely comment. Space constraints restrict the amount of words I can use, but perhaps I can expand on each subject in a different post

      • August 10, 2012 at 7:08 am

        You’re very welcome.
        I had no idea there were word restrictions.
        That would be brilliant if you could expand on each subject!
        All the Best =)

  • August 10, 2012 at 12:44 am

    Thanks for contributing to the stigma. You have no idea what you’re talking about.

    • August 10, 2012 at 1:17 am

      Dear Sarah, these are the skills that DBT is based upon.

      • August 10, 2012 at 6:12 pm

        “This study suggests that, when not under elevated emotional stress, individuals with BPD have an enhanced ability to discriminate mental states based on only the eye region of the face, particularly for “neutral” states. This experimental evidence is consistent with the “paradoxical” theory of the appraisal of social communication in BPD. That is, it seems that BPD is characterized by both unstable interpersonal relationships and enhanced sensitivity to the mental states of others.”


    • August 10, 2012 at 6:02 pm

      DBT does not teach empathy because the lack of it is not a known trait of the illness.

      Manners are also not taught.I’m pretty sure someone with BPD knows how to say please and thank you.

      By self care, I think you mean self-soothing and being kind to yourself.

      Adequate social skills depends on the individual.

      You are not even using the correct terminology used in DBT.

      • August 10, 2012 at 6:06 pm

        The purpose of DBT to learn to regulate your emotions and revive the will to live.Thats a very personal and individual struggle that has very little to do with the people around you.

      • August 10, 2012 at 8:12 pm

        Everything I have mentioned are incidental teachings and learnings from DBT and therapy in general. BPD people can be incredibly rude, hostile, dismissive and hurtful with no insight or perception of their behaviour on others.

        We are so full of pain our natural empathy is well hidden until we get better and then it shines through. I am asking socratic questions in regards to empathy and BPD. I don’t agree with Simon Baron Cohen, there is no one size fits all, but unless we have the conversation around BPD, empathy (and ASD) then no new discoveries or theories can be made.

        My blogs are meant to open up discussion on BPD behaviour and I start it off by saying what worked and is working for me. There are 256 current paths to BPD possibly more when the new DSM V comes out.

      • August 10, 2012 at 8:21 pm

        Interpersonal effectiveness is also known as social skills.

    • August 10, 2012 at 11:00 am

      Hi Anna, I read some of your blog earlier and I found it most helpful. My therapist is very challenging at the moment with my social skills in regards to my working with others in higher positions of authority. I have many “aha” moments at work that before I would argue and self-sabotage. It’s all about that Mona Lisa smile. I will carry that thought with me to work.

  • August 10, 2012 at 11:22 am

    Thank you,I’m glad you found it helpful and to hear that you are learning and applying new techniques to reduce conflict which avoids hurting yourself others.I hope your social skills keep improving.
    Best Wishes,

  • August 14, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    Greetings to you Sonia,

    I have an almost 16 yr. old daughter, diagnosed w/odd, mdd, emerging bpd all accompanied by psychotic features. She is in remission of all disorders for the past 9 months. She was in residential care for 9.5 months during which time she learned about boundaries, self care, wise mind and participated in Positive Peer Culture as her group therapy model. My comment to you is that in researching rtc for a friend whose daughter is diagnosed with Aspbergers and is at the same facility for 18 months (and not progressing as )hoped)I came across a few facilities that use DBT to treat Aspbergers…Do you have any knowledge about this?

  • April 12, 2015 at 1:07 pm

    Two words in the English language that can avert national disasters, world wars, nuclear holocausts, unemployment, divorce and ripped up relationships, and they are “I’m sorry.” You could, if you wanted, add, “I made a mistake.” How empowering, how liberating those words are. Saying this means you are responsible, you have taken ownership of your words and actions. Then look at yourself and think, “Aha! That’s where I went wrong, next time I will do it differently.””

    Sometimes ownership, true ownership, of one’s mistakes in furtherance of resolving conflict requires more than saying the words. It requires fixing something “real” that you’ve broken as well as the will to do things differently next time.

  • May 13, 2016 at 12:50 pm

    This is interesting.
    I have a younger friend in my 12th Step program. I am proud to say that I am one of the few people she trusts & feels comfortable with. However, she can very,very often blurt out abrasive comments without thinking. I realize that this is her illness speaking and that she lacks social skills, also due also to her abusive upbringing.

    I was struck by the comment :
    “Thanks for contributing to the social stigma. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
    It sounds EXACTLY like her !


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