Hey guys welcome back to my blog. It’s been about a year and a half since I last wrote here and I wanted to get back into it. My mission from here on out with this blog is to take you through my daily life living with schizophrenia. Think of it like a diary.

All that said, let’s get right into it.

Life has been crazy these last few months. In July, I found out my rent was effectively being doubled as a result of making more money and somehow that translates via the section 8 program as an increase in the amount of money I can pay. That was a hard pill to swallow but over the last couple months we’ve (my parents and I) been working on finding a solution. So far, we’ve investigated some properties in Estes Park that have a much lower rent and have been looking into tax credit programs where the rent is lower at my current complex.

Tied in with all of the rent stuff is the fact that I lost a high paying writing job for a mental illness blog. I’m not naming any names but losing a job is enough to make you go crazy alone. Because of that we submitted a recertification request with the housing authority and now that I don’t have that income my rent should be much lower. We’re still waiting to hear what it will be but I’ll keep you all updated on what happens.

Because I’ve needed some financial help from my parents I’ve been freaking out about making money. I started a used camera business a few months ago and while it’s going slow it shows promise so now I only have the income from that, one writing job and social security. That doesn’t come out to much. Because of this I’ve had to curb spending significantly. Somehow though I’m still hanging on.

All this is enough to cause psychotic level stress but then just yesterday I found that my blood sugar levels had jumped and I’m effectively well into the range of diabetes. As a result I’m now on meds for that as well as a strict self-imposed diet program that I hope I can keep up. I have to essentially or else I’ll be suffering for the rest of my life with this disease.

You all know that I was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2006 and it’s clear to me now that the weight gain I’ve suffered and these resulting metabolic problems are all a result of side-effects from medications. When you’re hit with one debilitating thing you seemingly have to suffer the brunt of things like side-effects and myriad other problems that come with dealing with the illness. I’m not here to complain though, I’m just telling you how it is. I thought that by stopping the Seroquel my blood sugar would get better and I’d lose weight but apparently that stuff wants to stick around so I’m taking it into my hands and working to fix things the best I can. I’ll keep you all updated on how I’m doing as we get deeper into this blog.

Lastly and most ridiculously, I’ve been thinking a lot about a girl at a coffee shop I go to sometimes. I’ve seen her maybe a total of five times but I always get the vibe that she’s into me so, in turn, that makes me interested in her. It seems like little stupid inconsequential stuff but I’ve had her pretty strongly on my mind for the last week. I haven’t been back to that coffee shop lately though because I get so incredibly nervous that I can barely put words out of my mouth and I shake. Social anxiety and paranoia are just part and parcel of living with mental illness and I’m trying my best. I keep thinking I could ask her out but then if she says no I won’t be able to step foot in that coffee shop ever again because it will be too awkward to handle for me. I’ll be too focused about what she’s thinking about me. It’s that way for any crowded place though. grocery stores and concerts and anywhere where there are a lot of people. I’ll go back there with my friend Briana at some point though so I’ll let you all know how it goes.

Suffice it to say, things have been crazy and hopefully as we go further in this blog things will get better. I’m hoping that they will at least. Stick around and catch up every week if you like. I’ll be here for a while.

-Mike