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Awakening Your True Self
with Rev. Connie L. Habash, MA, LMFT

Stop the Stories and Start Being Who You Really Are

woman free from stories!All of us struggle with thoughts. We may not always be aware of it, but our thoughts are going on in our mind constantly throughout the day. The way we think about ourselves, our circumstances, and life in general – whether conscious or unconscious – affects how we feel and actually affects our experiences. Thankfully, there is a way to get a grip on those thoughts and then let them go. One excellent way is Presence.

In my last post, I introduced the practice of Presence. Essentially, it is being here, in this moment, with your awareness and attention. The heart is open to what you feel and sense within yourself and the world around you. The mind is quiet and witnessing, rather than narrating what we experience.

Narrating

What do I mean by narrating? Narrating is the tendency for us all to tell stories about what we are experiencing. Those stories have two main effects.

First, they tend to perpetuate negative emotions. For example, if I were saying to myself, “This is awful. I’ll never get ahead. It’s just one setback after another. Just when I get a bit on top of things, the other shoe drops. It’s not fair. There must be something wrong with me.” That is a narrative, or a story. That kind of story is likely to create depression, and if I continue with that story, my mood probably will spiral downward. This tendency to narrate, or what I usually call “telling stories,” is one of the main causes of anxiety, worry, anger, and depression. If we want to shift ourselves out of those unpleasant emotions, we’ll need to shift the story – or better yet, let it go altogether.

Missing the Moment

The other effect of narrating is that it takes us out of the present moment. When we’re caught up in a story, we’re likely to miss what’s right in front of us. Instead of seeing what life brings with clarity, we’re painting our stories onto it.

Here’s an example from the chapter on Presence in my book, Awakening from Anxiety – quite a literal one, actually – of how my narration, and lack of being present, hindered me from seeing things clearly.

Perhaps this scenario is a bit familiar to you. A couple weeks ago, I was walking around the house looking for my scissors. I really needed them for something, and I knew that they were around in the kitchen. I had a particular place I always put them—up on the window sill, above the sink. I kept returning to that spot over and over, looking for them there, as if maybe the next time, they’d just magically appear where they are “supposed” to be.

After several minutes of frustration, I sat down and let go. Maybe I should just go into my   daughter’s drawers and find one of hers. But I stopped for a bit and just sat. And then I saw them—on the counter top next to me, right in plain sight.

In that moment I found the scissors, I finally became present. I let go of my stories about where the scissors usually are, that they should be there, that I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t find  them, getting angry at whoever moved them (which certainly would not have been me!), how this is wasting my time—and finally just sat down, being present. When I came into the moment, the table, the kitchen countertop, my feet on the hardwood floor, my shallow breath, I began to look around and see what was actually there. I became present, and that’s when I actually perceived what was in front of me the whole time.

Too often, we’re not seeing the reality of what is in our life. We’re looking around at everything or talking with someone, but we aren’t really with them; we’re repeating the stories we have about them and seeing the stories instead of the person. We’re seeing the narrative we’ve created about our life, instead of the possibilities that lie before us in each moment, as it is.

Simple, but Not So Easy!

It’s a terribly simple idea to stop telling the story. Yet we have been so programmed to create these stories over and over again that it’s one of the most challenging things to do.

The good news is that you’re at the first, and most powerful step. You’re aware now. In this moment, you know that the mind (not just yours, but everyone’s!) has a tendency to narrate everything and therefore influence how you perceive the world and your life.

Awareness is the most powerful asset you have.  I say this over and over to my students and clients – once you are aware, then you’re empowered, because you finally have a choice. When we’re unconscious, completely ignorant to the fact that we’re creating narratives that cause us to feel hopeless or frightened, we can’t do anything about it. If it’s out of our awareness, how can we change it?

You Can Stop Believing the Stories

But now you know. Or maybe you’ve just been reminded of something you knew, but had forgotten about. You have the power to see your stories and to stop believing them. See them as the fiction that they are. Recognize that they are fabrications of your mind, probably from experiences you have had in the past. You don’t need to believe them anymore.

Those stories are like a TV channel your set has been stuck on for ages. It’s time to change the channel. You can do this! You can even turn the TV set off completely, and live life more in the present moment, as who you really are.

Don’t worry if you can’t stop the stories right now. Just practice being aware, seeing them for what they are. Remind yourself that it’s just a story, and you don’t have to buy into it. The more you develop that ability to be aware and challenge the story, the closer you are to letting it go and revealing the infinite possibilities life has for you.

Stay tuned for tips on how to challenge your stories and become more present in next week’s post – and share here what you’re noticing with your awareness!

Stop the Stories and Start Being Who You Really Are


Connie L. Habash

Rev. Connie L. Habash, MA, LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Yoga & Meditation teacher, Interfaith Minister, and author of Awakening from Anxiety: A Spiritual Guide to Living a Move Calm, Confident, and Courageous Life (coming August 2019), with a counseling practice (both indoors and out in nature!) in Redwood City, CA and online. Find out more at her website, Awakening Self, and her Facebook page.


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APA Reference
Habash, C. (2019). Stop the Stories and Start Being Who You Really Are. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 15, 2019, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/true-self/2019/05/stop-the-stories-and-start-being-who-you-really-are/

 

Last updated: 17 May 2019
Statement of review: Psych Central does not review the content that appears in our blog network (blogs.psychcentral.com) prior to publication. All opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the author alone, and do not reflect the views of the editorial staff or management of Psych Central. Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.