Today I love holding on for dear life to all the life and memories I have. I love that I have survived this long despite living hard and fast and not very smartly at times. I love that I have gotten to this point despite having been very good at self medicating with alcohol for many years. I love that I am 36 years and five days sober and that I managed to consume more than a lifetime’s worth of alcohol in about twelve years of drinking, and yes, that means I started drinking at the age of twelve and stopped when I was almost 25. I love that every year in December I think often of my narrow escape and am grateful. I love that it only cost one car and no lives to wake me up, though I do regret that the pick up truck I lost earlier didn’t have as much of an effect on me and when I say lost I don’t mean I forgot where I parked it, I remember the stump in the ditch that I parked it on top of vividly. I love that I am still alive. I love that falling off the escarpment did not take me, nor did falling off the two story roof that other time. I love that I have amazingly managed to survive so many truly horrific possible ends with little more than a few trips a year to the emergency department.
Today I love the odd Christmas treat that I’ll be sure to have a few of today and in the weeks to come. I love that it is ten days until Christmas now and seventeen until New Year’s and all the days in between now and then are ones in which we work hard to be cheerful and happy. I love that I work as hard at that as I can and I work hard to share that as well. I love that our house has become a place of baking and planning for the holidays, so much so that we have yet to decorate indoors much at all beyond setting out some Christmas cards.
Today I love talk and plans for family gatherings. I love how almost every group I know is planning gatherings for celebrating being a group and enjoying each other’s company. I love that there are friends gathering and writers gathering and curlers gathering and families gathering in my life and that I get to participate in all those things and more.
Today I love drinking coffee while I look at the corner where we set up the tree last year and wondering happily if we’ll get time to put up a tree this year at all.