Comments on
Narcissistic And Borderline Attraction

People with Borderline Personality and Narcissistic Personality Disorders can find one another attractive and may actually forge more stable relationships with one another, at times, than they can with people without personality disorders.

11 thoughts on “Narcissistic And Borderline Attraction

  • March 26, 2014 at 9:46 pm

    Thank you for this article! I’m able to work with my diagnosis (BPD) for the first time, largely through the contributors to the Psychcentral website. While often mumbling “Refrain!” to myself as I work to obtain social skills I’ve never understood, I have noticed my affinity to others displaying what could be narcissistic traits. As always, understanding the medical/science basis calms my Asperger’s and helps me make real changes. I am grateful.

  • July 4, 2014 at 1:03 pm

    Advising your graduate students or colleagues for not take more than couple patients with “BPD”, or “NPD” is wrong and discriminatory. I am amazed with the level of ignorance within the field of psychology and psychiatry. They create labels (sometimes imaginary labels with negative connotations, which by the way the symptoms described here for BPD can be explained by Bipolar, anxiety, or ADHD) then for their lack of competency they discriminate against their own label. Then the funny thing is if someone is competent or compasionate enough to provide service to those in need they contribute the competency to “thickness of NPD” really it is absurd how we even recognize these individuals as therapist, counselors, or even physicians!

  • July 11, 2014 at 3:51 am

    Have BPD. In a tumultuous relationship with someone I believe has NPD. At it’s best it’s amazing. Sometimes getting along is effortless. I think if a couple with these are together and just try and manage some of their weeknesses in the relationship cased by their disorders, I’d actually recommend it.

    I very much appreciate this article, but I also want to echo resheh’s view on BPD and discrimination.

  • September 22, 2014 at 5:32 pm

    The “it’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye” element of such pairings” is those of us who are the children of marriages of mixed NPD/BPD couples and have been the targets and and drains of their instability for decades. Being raised in a household where neither parent has anything resembling normal empathy but appears normal (and even wonderful) to the outside world, while they fight and drink all the time when only their children are there to be damaged by it — and actually blamed for it?

    We don’t get the liberty of turning out to be high-performing psychotherapists. We just end up in their offices.

  • October 15, 2014 at 5:22 am

    TDB’s comment seems to reflect the self-centeredness that is common to both personality disorders.

  • April 20, 2015 at 12:59 pm

    There seems to be confusion between BPD and NPD. Those with BPD do feel bad after loosing control with rage and sometimes cannot even recall what all they said and did, or why they got so mad in the first place. They have empathy and genuinely care and love. Whereas those with NPD have no empathy. It’s not in them. They cannot feel love. They deliberately set out to use and abuse. There might be a few behaviors of the two disorders demonstrated that are the same, but the reasons behind them are totally different. There is no “mask” BPD’s wear because a mask implies hiding and deceiving. That is the narcissist. I would really like there to be more distinction between the two pointed out. BPD’s are not on this earth looking for victims, or supply (people that supply their need to control and abuse), or hiding behind a mask as a predator as are the Narcissists. BPD’s turn into the other raging part of their personality due to being triggered and feeling out of control and fearing being unloved and/or abandoned. It seems like most info out there on BPD demonizes and puts them in the same boat with the narcissist. And I believe sometimes what some commenters describe as their ex or present partner having BPD might be in actuality be narcissism. The narcissist treads along happily doing his manipulations and abuse purposely to others without any conscious. It’s all about him or her and supply. They lie, cheat, and gaslight and believe they have every right to. The narcissist never apologizes but puts blame for everything on his victim. The BPD doesn’t look for victims or supply. They don’t set out to find supply to lie and cheat and abuse. They sincerely want true love and they do feel love. They struggle with the triggers that release the fear and demons in their head and end up destroying the very relationships they feared would leave them like you talked about. They are forever apologizing and sincerely sorry and regret their behavior. I have BPD and have had relationships with narcissists. Now those 2 types should never be together!

    • December 14, 2016 at 12:48 pm

      Behind your entire comment 100%…In precisely the same situation. I am BPD living, surviving the unfortunate Narcissist pairing. We seem to ‘feed’ off of each other…and NOT in a good or productive way. Thank you for your comment, as now I feel a tad less ‘alone’.

    • August 17, 2017 at 10:57 pm

      so, I’m not sure anyone lacks all empathy. Whole post seems pretty loaded with an accusation that the narcissist is a male and the BPD a woman. That the male lacks empathy is a misnomer, just confusion on identifying and expressing them. Thats sociopathy thats the lack of all empathy.

  • May 26, 2015 at 8:15 am

    “Personality disorder is not like tuberculosis, for which there is a simple medical test.”
    I worked in tuberculosis (TB) control for several years. The diagnosis of TB infection and TB disease were extremely complex. I’m not sure which test was being discussed here, but they were all subject to different types of errors, and multiple factors (clinical presentation, risk factors, etc.) had to always be considered. I suspect my fascination with this subject may be partially due to that similarity, rather than the difference.

  • March 22, 2018 at 6:12 pm

    My understanding is that BPD’s and NPD’s could have problems with extreme emotions. BPD’s express them inappropriately and NPD’s suppress them so often that they are perceived as self absorbed introverts. Their pent up feelings result in paranoia and neuroses. Their perceived selfcentredness is a defence mechanism.

  • April 22, 2018 at 7:17 pm

    I grew up with a bpd mother. She was born and raised in Japan. Her No. 1 son (the first born male), is of course the NPD. How could he not have been. It did not help that they were sexually abused as children. that my mother grew up in an unemotional home. The npd grew up molesting ever female he could get his hands on, including his own daughters. It is not always the women who are the BPD. Male BPD are usually weaker, mommy’s boys, did not play sports or were not asked to prom. A BPD will seek out and usually marry a NPD woman. The two pd’s feed off each other and when they do, they make for a dangerous couple. BPD’s often function the best in set regiments, where they do not have to provide for themselves, where day-to-day tasks are routine. The No.1 NPD in this case was always expected to be the best at everything. The mere title of “Number One Son” left no room for mediocracy, and the BPD needs her safety,security and takes what little pride they can muster by assigning that to the first born male. The npd had to go to college, obtain straight A’s with a perfect GPA. he had to graduate at the top of his class, he had to have many friends who wanted him to be head of the group. The npd had to go to law school, for where else can he gain the admiration of everyone. He had to be rich, he had to be powerful, he had to have the biggest most expensive home, the perfect wife and the home schooled children. But there was a few problems. The No. 1 son, was emotionally crippled, he never trusted anyone and before anyone could say a bad thing about him, he would have already destroyed them. he will actually pick his victims and then set them up to destroy them. They are often very calculating and personable and wants and needs everyone’s trust and respect. You don’t upset a npd by not agreeing with them, not praising then, not giving them everything they want when they want it because that makes you their target, and that never ends well. They will control you or they will destroy you It is that cut and dry, however to individual degrees only. They lack a soul, they have no emotions and the only feelings they experience is dominance. They mimick societal norms while bucking everyone of them. The lie, they cheat, they steal, they destroy and they don’t care. They do not understand love outside of their own self love. You are only in a NPD ‘S life because he has to control you. Once you are no longer needed they will kick you to the curb and beat you daily for leaving them. They are the Ted bundy’s. They will use the BPD to do their bidding as not to incriminate themselves. The BPD has no true self. They have a real fear of abandonment and will likely respond inappropriately and push away those that provide them the safety and security they need. They lack a persona, a sense of self and they feel emptiness and void as an individual. They are mostly woman who have been abused or neglected or who grew up with a parent that was BPD. They are extremely emotional and a npd uses them to portray pseudo-emotions to call their own, since they do not recognize true emotions. This is were the BPD/NPD become so closely alike.


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