7 thoughts on “Broken Hearts All Around: Divorce And Revenge

  • February 14, 2012 at 11:07 pm

    I will have to direct some of my clients to this book. It sounds like a solid read. As divorce lawyer in Salt Lake City I see this all the time and as attorneys we should not be giving this kind of advice, we should leave it to other professionals.

    Reply
  • February 15, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    This book came about 10 or more years too late..
    After my children’s mother brainwashed my kids, to the point that I paid for 2 730 evaluations, and 10’s of thousands on legal fee’s. I had “no” influence as my ex did everything to lie and make the case that I shouldn’t even see my children with nothing more than her allegations. There was never any proof of her accusations of being true, but because the courts did not know what to believe, and she trained my kids what to tell the evaluation Dr’s, they were raised only by her and her husband. My kids all dropped out of school, and my daughter was involved in 8 grand theft autos at 17.
    I have a 9 year old through another relationship that I have raised by myself. He is in remission from ALL cancer,(we fought that for almost 4 years), he loves school, and plays “Mustang Pony” baseball.
    Could I have made a difference in my older children life if PAS was recognized by the courts in my case? I have proven with my 9 year old son my kids would have had “positive boundaries” and goals.
    It is terrible what the courts allowed to happen to my children. They use to hate me, now they know the truth, and they hate their mother. And as much as I disrespect her for using the children against me, I would have “NEVER” wanted them to hate her as they do, as they will always now have trust issues. I can only pray for them at this point, as all the money and emotion I spent on trying to have them in my life, was a waste.
    It has caused physical stress on my heart. I just Thank God for my son Giovanni, as it has allowed me to know I could have made a positive influence, if the courts had recognized “Parental Alienation Syndrome”, and it’s negative reality.

    Curtis Barlows

    Reply
    • February 15, 2012 at 12:59 pm

      Hi Curtis,
      You are not alone, there are many fathers (and mothers) out there who have been put through this most painful situation. There are a lot of parents who STILL don’t know about PAS or this book (or the others I recommend in previous posts). That’s why we’re posting on this topic. The book came out awhile ago, but I want to remind people that they should read it. It is incredibly helpful, it pulls no punches, and it not only takes everyone involved to task (parents, the courts, therapists, etc.) but outlines solutions that are both germane and humane.

      Meanwhile, you sound like a devoted, loving dad. I sincerely wish you the best success in your relationships with your children.

      Richard

      Reply
  • February 16, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    Hi Mr. Zwolinski,
    Thank you for writing this article! I purchased the book you recommend “Divorce Poison”. I have been alienated by my teenage son who lives out of state. I noticed a post he wrote that sounds like it came from the lips of my ex-husband. I knew it was a red flag however, I didn’t make the connection until I read your article. I am still in the process of reading “Divorce Poison”. My son refuses to talk to me and has even hung on me when I called him. I felt a pause in his action before he hung up without saying a word. It is important to me and my son that I handle this in the most efficacious way. Can you offer any suggestions?
    An Aching Alienated Mother

    Reply
    • February 16, 2012 at 7:46 pm

      @gigi
      I’m sorry you are in so much pain-this is truly a very difficult situation.

      Before you take any bold steps, finish reading Divorce Poison. Then I suggest you seek a therapist who is trained and skilled in this area. Perhaps your attorney knows of someone or perhaps you can contact Dr. Warshak and ask him if he will give referrals. Again, make sure the therapist you choose is skilled in this area and has experience with contentious divorces, custody battles, parental alienation or whatever applies specifically to your situation. If finances are an issue, perhaps there is a government funded community clinic where someone on staff is trained in parental alienation.

      I don’t know the age of your son nor the state you live in, nor do I know the details of the divorce or your custody arrangement. However, I do know this is extremely heartbreaking. I hope that by confiding in an expert and reading this book, you find yourself moving towards a positive resolution and can rekindle the loving relationship you want with your son.

      Also, I want to add that you shouldn’t be too concerned about “saying or doing the wrong thing”. If you stay calm and loving with your son, to the best of your ability, until you really get some personal professional help, you will be making a good beginning. (If you feel confident enough using Dr. Warshak’s recommendations in his book about how to handle these situations, you can try his approach. I think it is very solid).

      Please let me know how things turn out for you.

      Best,

      Richard

      Reply
  • February 17, 2012 at 12:43 am

    Richard,

    Thank you for this article on such an often undetected and overlooked form of child abuse. While Dr. Warshak’s best selling classic, Divorce Poison, has been around for some time, there are still too many parents, and helping professionals who are just now discovering this must read. His book offers no-nonsense answers to irrational alienation.

    I am a mental health professional and have observed, first hand, the heart ache of those who are estranged from an adult daughter or an adult son. I hope too, more organizations will offer CEUs. With education that includes the nuances of parental alienation, MHPs will be better prepared to work with parents and children. Again, thank you for brining awareness to this serious form of childhood emotional abuse.

    Regards,

    Monika

    Reply
    • February 17, 2012 at 11:58 am

      Hi Monika,
      Thanks for your comments.
      I know the book has been around for awhile, but so many people simply don’t know about the book or this issue.
      Richard

      Reply

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