8 thoughts on “Feel Like You Don’t Fit In? Learning To Celebrate Your Secret Self

  • December 1, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    I have never fit in. I love it.

    Why would I want to be like anyone else?

    • December 1, 2011 at 3:26 pm

      That’s beautiful, Alicia.

      And it reminds me of something Oscar Wilde once said:

      “Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken”

  • December 3, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    Great and thoughtful article, thanks, Gabrielle.
    It takes courage to stand up expose oneself and speak your mind. Especially if you learnt in
    early years someone is going to slap you back down into isolation and noone is going to come to your aid. Its an expectation thats hard to shake, in adulthood speaking up and being oneself also has its dangers, people can be very predjiced and intolerant that someone be allowed to have a different opinion about things or can just be plainly jelouse of someone elses talents. I feel the pain and fear all over again. And yet the individuality drive is so compelling, each small step towards it feels like a final life and death event. You speak up and you expect the sword to fall. I find myself deliberatly testing a group with an alternative opinion just to test how democratic and open a group is. I think its called the devils advocate. Not a popular role. Its not to upset people but just see if they will allow me a differing opinion without wanting to slap me. I allways feel I fight on my own. Connecting to people who see things as I do and who would be supportive of my right to individuality is a revelation because I have to actually first belive they do and that they would do that for me. I guess, whats the worst that can happen.

    • December 4, 2011 at 2:09 am

      It sounds like you’ve brought a lot of courage to your experiences, Stephanie – to let yourself be vulnerable and speak your mind, even despite those early experiences of getting a lot of trouble for your efforts.

      And you’re right, there can be risk in this stuff. Yet, as you say, there can also be beauty:

      “Connecting to people who see things as I do and who would be supportive of my right to individuality is a revelation…”

      Life really has an edge to it sometimes…

  • December 31, 2011 at 5:57 pm

    I feel that way a lot of the time. I had tears of relief reading this. Thank you!

    • December 31, 2011 at 6:48 pm

      How wonderful that you found that sense of relief, Bob – I’m moved by what you’ve written, and by the possibility that maybe sometimes there’s something more meaningful than simply fitting in.

  • February 20, 2012 at 5:07 am

    I felt like I could relate to this completely, like I had finally found the forces that are working against me. But the forces are within myself and how do I combat myself? How do I ‘be myself’ if I don’t know who that is? How do I forget what other people think of me and how do I free myself when I’m not sure what is holding me back? At times it isn’t until after a situation that I realize I’ve been hurt or I feel trapped. I wish there were more tangible instructions, I just feel lost even in my own head, not to mention the jumbled social mess that is the world.

    • March 14, 2012 at 9:30 am

      Rosie, sometimes the confusion is designed to prevent us from looking at and loving ourselves. It’s hard to get behind that, and it is possible at the same time. I may ask myself, “what do I feel right now”….for example it may be anger. At that moment I feel anger, but why. Is it clean anger, like someone elbowed me out of a queue…or is it contaminated by past experiences? What are those past experiences? What do they mean? To you?

      You asked how to find yourself. You explained you feel confused. That IS you at that moment. At that precise moment you are a confused human being….welcome to the majority 🙂

      To try to fight that confusion and not accept will only escalate the difficulty you experience in getting to know yourself. The more you accePt, the less you will resist, and you will start to see more, it’s a positive cycle you can start whenever you like. Good luck x


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