6 thoughts on “Who Do You Let In? Defining Your Boundaries And Staying Safe But Not Isolated.

  • September 17, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    Interesting analogy of using keys to symbolize who we let into our personal spaces and the boundaries we set. Reminds me of the lyrics from the old Youngbloods’ “Get Together” song: “…You hold the key to love and fear all in your trembling hand; Just one key unlocks them both, it’s there at your command…” I would add one other question to the thought-provoking questions you ask, and that is: Are there any keys you need to take back? Sometimes as we grow, we may find that we have given a key to someone who is not a positive force in our life; in which case, we may need to kindly but firmly take the key back.

    • September 22, 2011 at 5:52 pm

      Absolutely, Kara – I think the reclaiming of keys can be one of the most important parts of this, especially, as you say, assessing whether we may have previously given a key to someone who is no longer a positive or supportive force in our life.

      And I like your approach: kindly but firmly taking the key back.

  • September 18, 2011 at 10:19 am

    My therapist is the only one who has all of my keys. I have tried giving a set to my sister-in-law but have found this summer that it is best to take them back. She’s not very good with them – not her fault, she has good intentions she just lives a different life and doesn’t understand me entirely. My husband doesn’t even have all of my keys – sometimes I will loan him a key but that’s it. Maybe that’s part of the answer – just loan the keys out – not going whole hog with our trust. Sometimes it’s not easy getting the keys back without offending people. However, with my sister-in-law I’m just going to start backing up and put more distant between what I tell her about myself – keep it simple and then just from time to time loan her a key, but not all of them.

    • September 22, 2011 at 5:50 pm

      I agree, Sheila, sometimes it can be tricky to get your keys back without offending people… yet sometimes it can be so important.

      And it sounds like you have a great plan for that – just to loan a key every now and then, and take things from there.

  • September 19, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    I was on my way to becoming a Psychiatrist when I had a breakdown and was diagnosed with manic-depression and PTSD. I have an awesome therapist and we recently discussed the shame I have about my mental illness. I recently started blogging about it and how spirituality has helped me and she said that this is a big step. I have opened up that secret locked door to myself. At the same time, I wonder if I’m being too open. What do you think?

    • September 22, 2011 at 5:40 pm

      What a powerful thing, Parwathy, to “open up that secret locked door to yourself” – and to have looked into those layers of shame with your therapist.
      And then to take all of that one step further and blog about it, so that the stigma is doubly broken… and so your story resonates and connects with others.

      And it’s such a good question you ask – can we be too open about our lives, especially online.
      I’m still coming to grips with this myself in many ways… how much is “ok” to share, by whose definition, and what I might prefer to leave unsaid for now.

      Personally, one of the things that helps guide me is coming back to the idea of the purpose of the blog… sometimes I ask myself whether something I’m tempted to write still fits that purpose, or why I might be wanting to say (or not say) certain things… and who might I be saying them for (for me or for the blog, in a way).
      And I’m also guided by the idea that maybe there’s a sort of ethical imperative to share therapeutic knowledge online, and make it available and accessible.

      But that’s just me.

      I wonder what sort of values or ideas might help guide you in your blogging, especially with the more personal style of blog you write?
      Are you speaking from a particular voice or a particular part of yourself when you blog?
      Are there cerain hopes you have for your blog and how it might touch others who’ve lived through similar experiences?
      Are there areas you’d feel uncomfortable revealing – and how would you know what those might be? What would be the signs of that for you? What would help you know if you were about to go “too far”?

      It’s such a rich area to explore… and perhaps only you can know the answer that’s right for you…

      Does anyone else have any thoughts?


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