Archives for Identity

acceptance

Is Perfection An Imperfect Idea? Lessons From The Natural World


I was walking in the park this morning. Past the hundreds of thousands of millions of leaves, all applauding each other in the wind.

Which one of them isn’t perfect?

Which leaf hasn’t “lived up to its potential”?

Which has “fallen short”?

They seem like slightly ridiculous questions. (And yet, are there times that you ask them of yourself?)

In light of all of these leaves, the idea of “perfection” seems suddenly a bit lifeless...
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acceptance

Feel Like You Don’t Fit In? Learning To Celebrate Your Secret Self


Sometimes it’s hard not to feel like an outsider. Like you don’t quite fit in.

Maybe you’re carrying a certain sadness that sets you apart from the places that other people seem to inhabit right now. Or maybe you doubt your worth or your ability to contribute sometimes. Maybe you just feel “different.” Or even “weird.” Or that your values or the way you want to live your life...
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Black and White Thinking

You Are Not Your Thoughts: A Personal Philosophy Of Mind


I have a love-hate relationship with one of the major therapies endorsed by psychology today: cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT).

Both as a therapist, and as a client, I know it can work. It can bring fast relief in acute times. So it's a good thing to have in your inner toolbox when you're working with the challenges life can throw you.

In a (very small) nutshell, CBT asks you to question...
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acceptance

You Are Not A Machine: Remembering To Relax And Replenish


You are not a machine.

You’re mortal. Organic. You don’t come in a shape that will always easily slot into all the timetables and schedules and systems that beckon.

That's probably no surprise. (And yet how many demands do you put on yourself sometimes?)

So there might be times when you can’t “keep on keeping on,” or where maybe you don’t always have the energy to “push on through.” Where it’s not always so...
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Boundaries

Who Do You Let In? Defining Your Boundaries And Staying Safe But Not Isolated.


I had a set of spare keys cut yesterday, so I can store them at a friend's place in case I lock myself out. And it got me

What about the keys to your internal spaces?

The keys to your thoughts, your dreams? Your ups your downs? Your emotional and psychological home. How many people in your life have access to the inner sanctum of youWho's got keys?

It's worth having a...
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Creativity

Writing The Story Of Your Life: Narrative Therapy And Healing

Storytelling seems to be written so deeply into us. We’ve done it for millennia, to capture knowledge and wisdom and heart. Yet stories aren’t only verbal. They’re visceral, too. They’re the lived-out stories of our days.

So what kind of story are you telling with your life?

Where might the story of you be headed right now?
(And is that where you’d like it to go?)

When you pull back from the minutiae...
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Bowen Family Systems Theory

Are Your Problems Actually Solutions? Finding Systemic Answers


"No problems."
That's what this sticker on an alleyway wall in my local neighbourhood is on about (in the photo, above).
It sounds like a pretty good No emotional meltdowns, no relationship dramas, no self-sabotage, no "failure."
But is it too optimistic? A bit utopian, even? Something to strive for, maybe, but not completely attainable?

Well, a branch of family systems therapy thinks not.
In fact, from...
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