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What is Love & What is Not

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Love is already inside of us, it is not something we need to find in another.

Love is the currency of life and is what connects us all, it is not something for the lucky few.

Love is abundant, there is no shortage of supply.

Love is trusting, not jealous or obsessive.

Love is empathic and compassionate, not self-absorbed or apathetic.

Love is presence, not distraction or preoccupation.

Love is freedom of authentic self-expression, not living as a false, edited, or censored self.

Love is forgiving, not harboring of resentments.

Love is deeply knowing and curious, not disinterested.  

Love is awareness, not obliviousness or obtuseness.

Love is honest, not deceitful or in denial.

Love is secure and stable, not fleeting and volatile.

Love is reciprocal and mutual, not imbalanced or unfair.

Love sees beauty, not flaws. 

Love is admiration, not envy.

Love is thoughtfulness, not thoughtlessness.

Love is good nature and humor, not irritability and defensiveness.

Love is growth, not constraint.

Love is health and wellness, not self-destruction.

Love is accepting, not judging or critical.

Love is generous and giving, not selfish or lazy.

Love is engaging and connected, not detached and disconnected.

Love is respectful, not violating of boundaries.

Love is healthy self-love, not codependent selflessness.

Love is safety, not violence or threats.

Love is appreciation and gratitude, not taking for granted.

Love is attention, not negligence.

Love is constant, not episodic.

Love is peaceful, not anxious.

Love listens, it does not ignore.

Love is loyal, it does not betray.

Love is commitment, not a fair-weather friend.

Love is energizing and revitalizing, not draining or exhausting.

Love is empowering, not deflating.

Love is when two whole people make something greater, not when two people need the other to feel whole.

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; 
it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” ~1 Corinthians 13:4–8a 

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What is Love & What is Not

Joyce Marter, LCPC

Joyce Marter, LCPC is the Founder of Urban Balance and public speaker. You may find her at her personal website here, or you may follow her on Twitter.

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APA Reference
Marter, J. (2014). What is Love & What is Not. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 5, 2020, from


Last updated: 19 Oct 2014
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