3 thoughts on “Too Hard on Myself

  • December 6, 2017 at 2:20 am

    Hi Sarah,
    This is so sad to read about how much you worry about pleasing others, your habit of apologizing for everything and your low self esteem; and yet, I can identify with the people pleasing and self esteem issues to some extent.
    I was sexually abused by my former stepfather. Also there was a lot of verbal abuse by him and sometimes, the threat of physical violence. My mom was and is loving but she was often working nights when much of the abuse would happen. Plus, I think she was afraid of him to some extent also. I began gaining weight as a pre-teen. My therapist feels it was a subconscious way of trying to protect myself from being an attractive target and/or that I used food for comfort and to stuff my feelings. Anyway, the low self esteem is a tough one and does indeed take time to work through!
    You are clearly talented, attractive and seem to have a lot going for you, Sarah. As I read your article, I found myself wanting to say to you “Don’t be your mother..” By that I mean, please don’t take over where she left off by “beating” yourself up emotionally and internalizing her toxic trash talk! You did not deserve abuse under ANY circumstances and I hope if you don’t know that now, you do some day.
    I’ll work on that too…

    Reply
  • December 6, 2017 at 6:42 pm

    Hello Sarah –
    I have so many thoughts after reading “Too Hard On Myself” earlier today, and felt the need to share just one of them with you after not being able to shake the feelings I have had all afternoon. There is so much your mother took from you, and so much she did for whatever incredibly cruel reasons she felt could justify how you were treated – this is something that you clearly have spent the better part of your life trying to sort out and come to terms with. My thought, though, is that in spite of all of your mother’s abuse and neglect you endured and achieved success in many areas of your life. Your mother was not able to take away your true inner spirit and capacity to have empathy and the ability to use your experiences to help so many others. Try as she did, she was not able to break you completely. You will always carry the scars and trauma inflicted on you, and if using your gift for helping others with your writing and compassion then you have risen to a much higher level of humanity in spite of your past. Please keep doing what you do, and may you at some point find true inner peace and tranquility – you are more than deserving and worthy of it!

    Reply
    • December 6, 2017 at 7:19 pm

      Thank you so much..what a beautiful comment. I appreciate your genuine kindness.

      Reply
 

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