11 thoughts on “Why Don’t We Stand Up to People Who Say Inappropriate Things?

  • January 20, 2020 at 6:09 am

    I think one of the reasons that reasonable people tend to just keep quiet at offensive remarks is that they have judged the intended listener and seen that an intellectual reply probably won’t hit the mark on them. Also the people who make them tend to be attention seekers so paying attention to them is almost like a reward to them. Yes, the last time someone said inappropriate I called them on it. To say the least we are still not on speaking terms. Which is fine for me, at least I don’t have to hear that garbage anymore, especially from that person.

  • January 22, 2020 at 4:35 pm

    I think you are right that the cause of not standing up to people is the speed the comments happen and being afraid of the consequences/ commenters.
    That certainly applies to me when people make inappropriate comments. I register the situation- am I alone in an unfamiliar place surrounded by strangers who might attack or bully me? Do I feel safe to get into an argument about a comment? And as you say, conversations move so fast that by the time the shock of the comment has registered and I’ve thought what to say, it’s moved on.
    But I did learn from each situation e.g. when someone made a homophobic comment about an neighbour and the people around me laughed, I thought about it afterwards and decided exactly what I’d say if it happened another time.
    I think that’s all we can do- learn from these situations and think what to say next time.

  • January 22, 2020 at 8:20 pm

    I was wondering if you meant something like someone saying, “Fnord” in a conversation just out of the blue with no context whatsoever.

      • January 23, 2020 at 9:25 am

        A fnord is disinformation or irrelevant information intending to misdirect, with the implication of a conspiracy. The word originated in the obscure Principia Discordia, by Kerry Thornley and and Greg Hill, but it was popularized by the Illuminatus! trilogy (1975) by Robert Joseph Shea and Robert Anton Wilson.

  • January 24, 2020 at 12:53 pm

    I ran into a situation with an older man saying the blatantly sexist comment that all women were controlling, difficult and crazy. When I had the knee jerk reaction of a school marm, I exclaimed his name, said that was not nice, and he needed to apologize to the women in the room, two other men restated the sexist claim, the other men nodded agreement and the wives all had blank looks on their faces.

    Lesson learned: Sometimes not confronting the impolite or unkind things people say allows you to continue in ‘ignorance is bliss’ because after learning all the men in my neighbor friend group are sexist jerks means I’m not comfortable being around them or their wives anymore. I’m actually horrified, and a little afraid of them now.

      • January 25, 2020 at 3:16 am

        It really, truly is disappointing. I’m not sure when we’ve lost our civility.

    • January 26, 2020 at 10:31 am

      That guy who is complaining about women being controlling and crazy is most likely controlling and crazy himself.

  • January 31, 2020 at 12:30 pm

    I live in a retirement community. I was told by a HOA board member that no one likes me because I’m too direct and loud. I have never talked about anyone in a negative way.
    Maybe I do talk loud, but not that loud and I have explained that I am hard of hearing therefore I’m not aware. They do not care. I could not believe that this woman was so heartless to tell me that. What did she gain by saying no one likes me. I would never say that to anyone.


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