11 thoughts on “Sex: Is It More of a Problem for People Who Are Single?

  • May 20, 2019 at 11:31 am

    I was married for over 15 years and as you point out that is no guarantee of regular sex. My ex and I went through long periods (years) of no sex during our marriage (and it was honestly both of our “faults”). In fact the lack of sex and associated intimacy was one of the reasons for the eventual dissolution of our marriage. I will also note that our sex life started to change literally the day we got married it reminded me of what one of my former co-workers said well before I got married about their spouse and sex after marriage that it is almost a biological change and that is exactly what I witnessed. Not saying this happens to all or even most couples but it certainly happens to some.

    I will also say that one of the benefits of getting older for me is that I am not longer “driven” by my sexual urges. If the opportunity for sex/physical intimacy presents itself great if it doesn’t that is also great. I am not asexual but I am also not making any active effort to seek sex or romance out either. I am not sure if this is due to biology and/or psychology (I suspect both). And no it is not due to my health as I am in excellent health and workout every day of the week. I find it freeing to be honest.

    And to answer the titular question at least for me, sex is not a problem for me as a single person. In fact it is less of an issue now than when I was married. Because at least now I am free to pursue or not my sexual/romantic desires as I see fit.

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  • May 21, 2019 at 2:17 am

    Why doesn’t anyone ever do articles on individuals who are not asexual, but choose never to have sex?

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  • May 21, 2019 at 8:10 pm

    “Asexual” as an orientation has nothing to do with sex, per se. There are people who are oriented asexuals who enjoy and have sex; there are people — as Andrea, above — who are hetero-, homo-, bi-, or insert-your-label-here-sexual (people are diverse, language even more so) who do NOT seek or enjoy sex. Asexuality, like other orientations, is about whom one is — or is not — sexually attracted to; it’s not about the presence of sex in one’s life or the desire for same. It’s a perception, not a behavior. The two CAN go together but, just like marriage and sex, don’t always. And as for “problem”… Sex can be a problem for anyone — orientation, relationship status, age, gender, race, language, size, or anything else notwithstanding. But it’s funny how often what we call “problems” turn out to be problems in our internal world, not the external one we like to blame for everything… Boils down, a lot, to exactly what Bella said here: choice. Glad to be alive in a time when there’s more choice available!

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    • May 22, 2019 at 12:36 pm

      Please google “Asexual Visibility and Education Network” and educate your ignorant self.

      If you enjoy sex, you’re not asexual. If you enjoy sex and call yourself asexual, you need to quit that because you’re making it more difficult for real asexuals to be acknowledged and respected as equal humans who don’t have anything wrong with them.

      Being asexual has less than nothing to do with who you’re attracted to–it’s HOW you’re attracted to people. Specifically, NOT WANTING TO HAVE SEX WITH THEM. Sometimes asexuals will tolerate obligation sex to satisfy the demands of a normal partner, but that doesn’t mean they like it. It’s just another “relationship compromise” our oversexed society forces on women that isn’t actually a compromise at all.

      It’s also common for particularly ignorant people to mis-define asexual as aromantic (inability to experience romantic love), and I’m guessing that’s what you did here. This might break your brain a little, but asexual people are just as capable of falling in love as sexual people, we just don’t want to jump their bones.

      As far as making your own problems… would you accuse a gay or transgender person of inventing sexual differences to feel special? No? Then shut your noise hole. Asexuals didn’t get a choice about being different either.

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      • May 22, 2019 at 3:14 pm

        I’m going to let this comment stand, but in the future, please do not insult the other people who comment here. It is totally fine to disagree, of course.

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      • May 22, 2019 at 6:54 pm

        Why such a mean answer?

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  • May 22, 2019 at 12:59 pm

    Let me get this straight… AVEN (asexual visibility and education network) has been around for over a decade, they make a point of having a presence at Pride events… there is even an annual Aces and Aros conference in NYC to spread awareness that we exist and educate people… the LGBT+ community graciously tacked on an A to acknowledge that we exist, whether we belong under that umbrella or not… and psychology is only just starting to consider the possibility that asexuality is a real orientation and not a mental problem? Are you kidding me?

    Also note that asexual (not experiencing feelings of sexual lust) and aromantic (not experiencing feelings of falling in love) are two separate and unrelated things. While some asexual people are also aromantic, the majority of us are just as capable of falling in love and having meaningful relationships as having-sex-people, we just do it differently.

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  • June 2, 2019 at 1:44 pm

    Anyone who claims that sex is easier for married people has never been married. Only the possibility of it MIGHT be improved, but the odds are great that the INTEREST, FREQUENCY and QUALITY are no better – and I speak from experience.

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  • June 5, 2019 at 7:58 pm

    Married 50 years and that’s no big deal, but I wish i would have stayed single. Being married isn’t worth the effort or time. I could have worked, lived and did what I wanted, being married was like a bad horror movie.
    Our sex life was boring and that was her fault and I wasn’t interested in sex( found out years later that I was asexual) that was my fault. Also I enjoy being alone, no real friends, no phone, computer (I’m at the library right now), newspaper and I don’t care if the world falls into a black hole. I haven’t lived with wife over 40 years, I have a small place I built out back on our property. It has a small cottage, wood work combination auto shop all mine. I agreed she could stay in the house and live on my benefits as long she didn’t bother me or show her face.

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