4 thoughts on “Why Do I Keep Saying that Getting Married Won’t Make You Happy?

  • January 9, 2019 at 11:26 am

    The only thing I can think of when people say that marriage makes you happier is that if it did, the divorce rate would be a lot lower. And a lot of times, people insist they are happy right up until the marriage falls apart. And are these happiness rates averaged out between sexes, where most women are overworked by marriage and most men are delighted to have someone else do the cooking and cleaning? If you average those two happiness levels out, of course it might edge up to being in the slight positive — because only one person is bearing all the unhappiness.

    At 52, I’ve known way too many women who insisted that their marriages were bliss and that they were “so lucky” right up until it all fell apart, and then the real truth started to come out. I’ve also known a lot of men who were convinced that everything was perfectly fine right up until they found out that it wasn’t “fine” at all, and they had just been oblivious to their wives’ anger at having to clean up after them as if they were 8 years old.

    Self-reporting just isn’t that reliable about ANYTHING, but especially about something where people are so prone to deluding themselves as relationships.

    Reply
    • January 9, 2019 at 3:07 pm

      Yes, the responses are typically averaged across men and women. Sometimes analyses are done separately or the groups are compared.

      Reply
  • January 9, 2019 at 12:05 pm

    I would like to add an example here of an accomplished single women, Rosalind Franklin-1920-1958. She was a pioneer of the study of molecular structures including DNA.

    It takes time to be a researcher, artist etc. It makes sense that some singles were never going to want to carry over genes into the next generation via being married and having children.

    There is no way 100% of the population is going to ever not want to not remain single and being married is not for everyone and those who realize this at a younger age, can make lasting contributions to society while being singe at the same time. This is not criticizing either paired for example, accomplished scientist, only making the point that being attached to the idea of being married creating happiness may be conducive for some, but others are simply too busy working in their chosen life passions. Michelangelo may have not been able to accomplish all that he did if he did not remain single.

    Reply
 

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