3 thoughts on “How Likely Is It that You Will Marry If You Have Never Been Married?

  • October 19, 2018 at 11:48 am

    I’m no longer sure what to make of articles about this sort of thing.

    I guess I’m not sure where the boundary lies between my own natural inclinations toward independence and how much my upbringing made me unwilling to allow ANY men into my personal space or to make myself dependent on anyone in any way whatsoever. I might like to know where that boundary lies between an innate dislike of marriage and a learned distaste that seems entirely reasonable when I look around me and see that marriage all too often consists of women working themselves half to death while skittering behind their husbands with conversation sh*t-scoopers simpering about how “he’s not like that at home,” or “he didn’t really mean it,” or “don’t let what he said get to you.”

    And yes, I do get angry when I think of my persecuting brothers having wives that drive them back and forth to work, cook and clean for them, and nurse them through illnesses while making excuses for any obnoxious behavior.

    And I do have to wonder how much of me is “single at heart” and how much of me just watches almost ALL the married women around me for my whole life wearing pained smiles, playing step and fetch it for men, and making excuses for their emotional constipation and neglect, and quite reasonably thinking, “No f*cking way in HELL is that going to be me.”

    There probably is some innate disinclination toward marriage because the world sure seems filled with women who were treated like crap growing up and witnessed just as many disastrous marriages as I did but got married anyway. (And then got divorced a decade later.)

    So anyhow, I’m just less inclined than I once was to wonder why I’m like this. Am I inherently single at heart, or is marriage just a sh*t show? God, who cares anymore whether there’s a baby in that bathwater. At this point, does it even whether it’s my innate personality or a logical reaction to a dysfunctional culture? I’ve got things to do.

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  • October 19, 2018 at 12:30 pm

    Well …. it’s like this … I grew up in a dysfunctional family, developed a Cinderella persona trying to make good all the problems but never actually attended the ball or met the Prince. When I finally moved away for work and started dating I had no real emotional maturity and was approached by the ‘bold’ persistent types and quickly fell under their spell. I won’t detail these amours but in hindsight they were all players/narcs but it took me a while to figure it out. Heavy duty work responsibilities, lack of confidence, ailing parents whose responsibility fell to me, there was never time enough for me or for me to meet someone relatively sane that I would be brave enough to introduce to the dys.family and who wouldn’t be crushed by their backstabbing venom. Oh, yes, as the years rolled on by I was targetted by solo males who had elderly parents and thought I would be ideal to ‘help out’, or solo males who really wanted a housekeeper ‘with benefits’. I finally learned to say no… and no, no, no. This is my time now. Should I ever be fortunate enough to meet a decent man with no agenda, well I will be cautiously optimistic but the relationship would have to compete with the peace and autonomy of singledom.

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  • January 15, 2019 at 5:23 pm

    I honestly just want a decent, educated (he doesn’t have to be a PhD, but he can’t be a troglodytic, video game addicted, hasn’t read a real book since graduation waste of time, either), physically active and attractive man to have regular sex with; I’ve been physically and emotionally abused, mistreated, and generally just not valued by pretty much every guy I’ve been in a ‘relationship’ with, and at this point I realize they’re not worth much more than an orgasm, body heat on cold nights, and possibly being my plus one if I were invited to an event.

    Do I sound jaded, or like the typical avowed bachelor? 😂

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