7 thoughts on “Why Aren’t the Other Kids Playing with My Son? Guest Post by Amy Andrada, Part 1

  • November 11, 2017 at 8:29 am

    I look forward to reading part 2. I believe we ARE judged for the “sins” (real or perceived) of our families as well as their achievements (which also may be real or perceived). I wanted my future to be like Star Trek where humans had (mostly) overcome poverty, prejudice, greed, and other problems, but we’re still not there…yet.

    During my childhood, I was stigmtized because my father was an alcoholic. A friend told me her mom wouldn’t let her sleep over because of my dad. I was 10, and I was heartbroken, ashamed, and resentful that I was being punished for something outside of my control. We were poor, which resulted in more snubs, and we were outsiders because we’d moved to TN from FL, which meant we had no “kin” or legacy to give us the required “pedigree” to participate and be accepted. My brother was the only family member to partially breach the barrier. As an adult, I have friends and find meaning in life, but I have a new lable— “divorced”— that some groups use against me. I admire Amy’s tenacity and like her writing style.

    • November 11, 2017 at 2:59 pm

      I’m so sorry you experienced all that, MissyP. I admire Amy’s tenacity and writing style, too!

  • November 11, 2017 at 10:57 am

    How do you find part 2?

    • November 11, 2017 at 2:58 pm

      Part 2 will be published early morning on Tues 14th. Thanks for your interest!

  • November 11, 2017 at 11:59 am

    No. That is so messed up. Anxiously awaiting part 2!!!!

  • November 11, 2017 at 3:10 pm

    It’s not always a bad thing when people don’t extend their friendship to others. It might be a silent spiritual message that your child is abnormally unique and has that special mark. 🙂

  • December 11, 2017 at 2:19 am

    Just came across this interesting article… and it struck me as surprising that neither the article itself, nor the comments, have addressed what feels like a pretty clear answer to the question put forth by Amy Andrada’s son: Why won’t other little boys play with me?

    Whenever I come across human behaviors that I have a hard time understanding or explaining from the circumstances, I find that turning to comparisons in the studied behavior of some social animals can provide insight or at the very least suggest avenues for further investigation: and the Way Ms. Andrada describes the situation, I felt like I was suddenly made privy to a journal entry of Jane Goodall!

    Animal social organization for many species relies on the hierarchies of alpha males and females and their pairings, which are part of the social/sexual calculus that helps to keep the progeny of a given pairing safe. Upsets in animal hierarchies frequently result in the deaths of far more than just the defending male alpha in question–and the children of the fallen alpha are savagely dispatched by the newly ascendant. So… if the ‘single’ sexually mature male represents a kind of loose canon running wild on the decks of social order, then surely the single sexually mature and fertile female represents the H-Bomb to that same fragile construct.

    I would be surprised if these married moms in question were casting aspersions based on some kind of moral judgment based on marital/divorce status or–I mean, certainly not as their primary critique of the single mom–no, I bet it’s made even worse, in fact, if they have a hard time finding a way to hate you–because on an instinctual level, they MUST hate you. And fear you, too. (Hopefully mostly subconsciously.) For a married mother who probably has a massive investment in time, biological AND financial resources allocated to making sure her progeny has every possible blessing, the single, ‘free-agent’ female, especially one with an already- demonstrated ability to generate her own progeny, you represent an intolerable threat to the white picket fence of human nesting instincts and those who have invested in nuclear familial order–I don’t think their cold-shouldering is about you OR your son, Ms. Andrada–I think it’s about our DNA and the not-always-perfect transition out of our animal past and into novel family models that bare little similarity to those animal origins. With something so dramatic as the reorganization of human socialization, I guess we should expect a few bumps along the road, but I am so sorry that you or your son should ever experience such a dynamic personally, even though it has inspired your very needed work. As the son of a single working mom, I have vague memories that we were perhaps treated a little coldly on occasion, but this only helped worthwhile and self-aware people in my community to shine all the brighter. Good for you, making us look at these tough topics!


Join the Conversation!

We invite you to share your thoughts and tell us what you think in this public forum. Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. A first name or pseudonym is required and will be displayed with your comment. Your email address is also required, but will be kept private. (Please note that we use gravatars here, which are tied to your email address.) A website/blog/twitter address is optional.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *