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Two of the Profound Rewards of Staying Single


Do you like your single life? Settle into it. Research suggests that it can be rewarding in ways you rarely hear about.

There’s a lot of angst these days about the growing numbers of people living single, and especially about young adults who routinely reach the age of 30 without ever having married. By one respectable estimate, one out of every four of today’s young adults will reach 50 as a lifelong single person. Many of their parents are freaking out. Some of the young adults who want to marry are also on edge.

My hope for all of us is that we get to pursue the life paths we want, whatever they may be. But I think we have an overly anxious and pessimistic view of lifelong singlehood, and I say that based on data. There is not nearly as much research as there should be on single life, and not all of it is as up-to-date as I would like, but there are some telling findings.

2 thoughts on “Two of the Profound Rewards of Staying Single

  • June 26, 2016 at 11:36 am

    I have been single for about five years, and this past year my goals and talents increased. But what I find interesting is how now I have a boyfriend- he sees I am doing homework and knows I have deadlines and wants me to do “things”. He sits in his chair all day, refuses to clean and all suggestions are what he will not be doing. I do all the dishes, trash, and most of the picking up after the dog poops on the floor. Yes, he refuses to train his dog to let him know when it has to release- in short he will not walk his dog. I feel used and unwanted- of course when he needs someone to talk to or clean and cook then he will talk with me. The excuses of PSTD, but if I was to do what he is doing to me, he would not budge or stay with me.
    He wonders why the woman he wants in his life decided to have someone else instead, and cries about her all the time. I truly feel he knows what he is doing to me, and yet I am afraid to talk to him about it. Every time I ask why he will not take me out, or hold my hand, kiss me- even sleeping with his back at me and no intimacy or cuddling empty promises abide when I do express concern.

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  • October 24, 2016 at 4:09 pm

    Lorena, I am sympathize with your feeling used & unwanted. I’ve been in a couple of relationships that left me feeling the same way.

    What you could do is get a piece of paper & draw a line down the center. On one side, list all the benefits & perks you get from staying in the relationship you described. On the other side of the paper, list the downside of staying in the relationship. Don’t worry if you think you forgot something. Add it to your list as you think of it.

    Save your list, eventually you will decide if your relationship with said boyfriend is worth your time.

    Find a therapist & tell them or show them your list. Let them help you decide what is the next best step of letting go or learning communication skills to discuss with said boyfriend. It sounds like you go to a university or community college. They usually counselors that you can see to help you be more successful at school. I would check-in to it for a short term help.

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