5 thoughts on “Recognizing Your Single-at-Heart Inclinations: Does Greater Maturity Help?

  • December 19, 2013 at 3:39 am

    Hello Bella,
    I cannot believe that this post has not elicited any comments. Perhaps there are not enough older more “mature” people who have seen it.
    In this post, I note that you state that “As I continue to interview people about their innovative ways of living, I want to talk to more people who have chosen the dual-dwelling-duo life.”
    I may be able to provide you with some personal experience information on this topic. I personally lived the dual-dwelling-duo lifestyle at age 71 for 7 wonderful months in 2011-12 in the fourth year of my widowhood until the relationship was unexpectedly derailed when my gentleman friend suffered a debilitating stroke that put him in a wheelchair and into a permanent Assisted Living facility.
    I have written an essay about my experience explaining how, before I consented to entering such an unencumbered, non-traditional, non-binding relationship,I wanted to know why widows in their 70’s and beyond, after longterm successful marriages, (mine was a successful 39 year union)would opt for such an arrangement rather than remarriage. I needed to know what the advantages to me were in such an arrangement and what the disadvantages were. The gentleman was very candid from the start, proposing a strictly non-marital, but dual-dwelling relationship that I correctly assumed included intimacy. My Catholic faith told me I needed to proceed very cautiously before I agreed to such a scenario.
    So I decided to e-mail interview two former colleagues from Southern California that I knew were living that kind of lifestyle. Then I mined the social networks of current local friends and acquaintances who generously offered the names and e-mail addresses of four more widows who met my qualifying criteria. All were widows between the ages of 61 and 89, married for decades, and currently involved in devoted, non-marital, non-cohabitational relationships. Their reasons for choosing such a lifestyle are detailed and convincing and all point to the newly discovered joys of living single, independent lives as a prime reason for agreeing to such a dual yet Single -at-Heart relationship.
    Would you be interested in reading my essay? Again, it is probably too long for you to use it as a blog commentary, but then again, perhaps you can suggest where else it might fit if you like it.

    I will anxiously await your response.
    Diane Marty

    • December 19, 2013 at 3:42 am

      Thanks, Marty. Very interesting. Yes, I would love to see your essay.

      • December 19, 2013 at 3:56 am

        Thank you. I may not be able to get it to you until early in January. Do I send it to you as an e-mail attachment and if so, to what e-mail address? I remain a techno neophyte….

        Diane Marty

      • December 19, 2013 at 3:58 am

        Any time is fine. Yes, an email attachment would be best. belladepaulo[at]gmail.com

  • December 20, 2013 at 7:43 pm

    Interestingly, my dad has that sort of relationship.

    My dad was married 38 years. After my mom died he was single for about another 8 years. Then he began a relationship with a twice-widowed woman, a friend of a friend. Both are in their mid-70s. They’ve been together 2 years.

    On the first date the both emphasized that they did not want to get married or live together. They both felt that after having been widowed they didn’t want to go through that again. And they both wanted to maintain their existing homes and relationships with family and friends.

    So they get together most weekends and even go on vacations together, but they live apart and spend the holidays with their respective families


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