Part 2 of ‘Othering’ People Who Are Single: Guest Post by Gabriela Denise Frank
[From Bella: This is Part 2 from guest blogger Gabriela Denise Frank. Part 1 is here: Are You ‘Other’ If You Are Not a Mother? Part 1.]
Are You ‘Other’ If You Are Not a Mother? Part 2.
Guest Post by Gabriela Denise Frank
First, we must stop relegating single and childless women into a separate caste. (I hate to even write the word ‘childless’ as if this somehow means that’s we’re lacking, but what other word is there, child-free?) Point being, when half of females of child-bearing age today are actually childless, as the article states, we are no longer other. Yet, there is more.
As women, if we cannot see when we’re pulling the wool over our own eyes, who will? The article’s veneer of empowerment (“I love that people in the industry are thinking about the idea that we’re not all families and couples,” says Bella DePaulo) ignores the suggestion that follows: women travelers should be considering “female-only floors, mother-daughter escapes, and shopping vacations.” Campaigns like this reinforce the notion that women are only safe with other women, and that our interests are limited to shopping, weight loss and pampering. They replace our curiosity and resourcefulness with terry cloth robes and calorie counters.
After many solo trips, traveling alone has become a sanctuary for me. It provides time for reflection and independence, but it also lets me listen to everything that’s happening around me. When given the opportunity to close my mouth and open my mind, I become more aware of the world. Getting lost in a new city, something the old me was once afraid of, has actually helped me find myself anew. Traveling alone has sparked my fascination with the world; my solo adventures have deeply inspired my creative process and expression, launching a blog, a book of essays and a winning travel writing submission.
At a time when young women are kidnapped and brutalized for seeking education and enlightenment, we cannot let even trite campaigns like Womanhood Redefined go unchallenged. They contribute to a landslide that we’re perpetually digging out from, one that proves that the world is too dangerous for women to roam free. We must be present in numbers. We must dare to be visible, and we must encourage others to do the same. No matter how hard-won our self-reliance is, it must be fed with constant positive vigilance.
For every women who is afraid to travel on her own, our world grows smaller; our art and culture suffer. For every woman who hesitates to live on her own terms, fearing that she will be ostracized or penalized for her choices, we lose the freedom that generations fought for. We should not apologize for having children or not, for marrying or not, for being alone—or not.
Womanhood Redefined seems like a small thing to kvetch about, and maybe it is, but it’s one tile amongst many that make a giant mosaic. All women, regardless of marital or family status, must demand more than spa packages as a means of defining and understanding themselves. More than that, we need to shout, Hell no! when shit like this comes our way; we shouldn’t let it slide. When I tweeted my indignation about the concept of otherhood, namely a protest at how the travel marketing industry was going to profit from selling women the illusion of self-discovery, the author of Otherhood immediately defended her work. At first, I wondered if I had been too hot-headed and reactionary, then a fellow Tweep pointed out how many like-spirited comments the article had received.
Every trip doesn’t need to be a episode of Survivor or The Amazing Race (hell, I like to chill by the beach as much as the next person), but I do believe that we should seek to leave our comfort zones, at least a little, whenever we travel. We should model the way for others as much as ourselves; it pays off, but this stuff takes effort. We can’t sit back and let others figure everything out for us, including the way we rediscover or refine our definitions of womanhood, self-worth and humanity.
In the end, I believe that travel is our solitary hope as a species, for only when the foreign becomes less strange can we truly develop empathy. Sequestering ourselves in hotels, fretting about body fat does nothing for our minds or our compassion, let alone our self-esteem. We must challenge and encourage each other to risk meeting people where they’re at, whether it’s Nashville or Nairobi. We can’t wait. We must do it now, even if it means going it alone for a time.
Finally, to that end, we can not afford to consider anyone as other anymore. This goes for men and women, East Texas and the Middle East, it goes for the town of Ferguson and wherever you’re reading this. We must be united as a people.
It will take each of us speaking up, loudly, no matter who boos, hisses or tweets in response. We will surely encounter rooms where giving voice to these ideas isn’t popular (especially since so many of us should be at home being domestic.) It will take time and courage. It will be frightening, even. Like traveling alone, we cannot let our apprehension hold us back from experiencing and fighting for the world and our place in it. Let’s say it together: we are not other, and when we are not other, we are also not alone.
Until this happens, I’ll light a white tea candle and hope for change. Funny, I always seem to have extras.
About the Author
Gabriela Denise Frank is the author of “CivitaVeritas: An Italian Fellowship Journey.” From fiction and essays to poetry, her work is influenced by travel and place, as well as a deep enchantment with relationships of all kinds. In 2014, her short story, “Pas de Deux,” was published in “Behind the Yellow Wallpaper: New Tales of Madness,” an anthology by New Lit Salon Press. www.gabrieladenisefrank.com.
DePaulo, B. (2014). Part 2 of ‘Othering’ People Who Are Single: Guest Post by Gabriela Denise Frank. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 21, 2017, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/single-at-heart/2014/08/part-2-of-othering-people-who-are-single-guest-post-by-gabriela-denise-frank/