Think about the people “you feel you’ve had a deep emotional connection with, where you believed that the person saw you for who you really are.”
Last year around Valentine’s Day, a digital financial company in the UK, Revolut, thought is was oh-so-clever when it created an ad that said, “To the 12,750 people who ordered a single takeaway on Valentine’s Day: You ok, hun?”
How do you know when a particular way of life, such as being single or living alone, is right for you? For Meghan Daum, one of the most gifted writers of our time, it is the life you just keep coming back to. She calls it a “situational set point.”
If you are single, your choices will be judged by a different standard than the exact same choices made by a married person. That’s the double standard of single life. A recent book, One: Valuing the Single Life, by the Australian author Clare Payne, pointed out several such double standards. One offers many other insights and observations as well.
Overall, the rate of divorce in the U.S. is no longer increasing. There’s an important exception, though. People who are 50 and older are divorcing more often than they were in the past. So noteworthy is the phenomenon that it has gotten its own name: “gray divorce.”
In my most recent blog post, I critiqued a study that was generating misleading headlines about the supposed superiority of people who are married. The (wrong) implication was that if you get married, you will have a stronger grip and a faster walking speed. I examined the original research report in great detail and found that the claims about the findings were grossly exaggerated.
Researchers are again comparing married and single people, and declaring married people the winners. I looked at the original research report, as I always do, and found that, as usual, the supposedly magical powers of marriage have been grossly exaggerated. In fact, one consistent set of findings point to marriage as a risk factor.
In July of 2015, I started an online Community of Single People (CoSP), mostly for people who want to live their single lives fully and joyfully and are not trying to become unsingle. We discuss every aspect of single life except dating.
Welcome to another post in my new series, “Questions I’ve Been Asked.” I was so glad that Ryan Howes asked me this question when he interviewed me for Psychotherapy Networker.