He dubbed me.
Just like that.
Stopped liking my posts.
Took me off his snap.
Told his friends he’s moving on.
Then he did move on.
BUT I DID NOT.
Now what do I do?
My friends don’t want to hear that I feel numb/upset/empty/worthless one month later.
My parents don’t have time to take me to therapy.
I feel hopeless; like it’s never going to end.
Now my parents take my phone away because my grades are slipping.
Now my parents want to know where I am. But I can’t tell them because they took my phone.
So this is the therapy now: See what he said? See what she said.
So my parents get an app that puts me on “pause” and off the internet and fortnite until I do my chores. It helps but I’ll never admit it.
My ex wants to send my nudes to his friends because I won’t talk to him. People have lots of power, but not me.
Depression, anxiety, panic and lack of motivation, can be triggered by diet and sleep deprivation.
Mindfulness helps. Music helps. Eating and sleeping help. Even getting your eyes checked may help. But at the end of the day no one understands. I am alone. I have uncomfortable feelings I cannot control. Loneliness, fear, confusion. I want to say, Watch me jump in front of a train. I don’t realize that everyone before me has had heartache and heartbreak. I don’t know that it will pass. I just know it sucks to be me.
So my mother doesn’t say, be patient my darling, you will be OK. She says this is all your fault. Then she starts sobbing, saying, this is all her fault. Why? The lines are blurred through my tears. I don’t know where to turn. Then suddenly he texts, It’s me. I’m sorry I hurt you. I withdraw my blade. I return to “Pretty Little Lies.” I am indeed looking at my phone for more validation. It’s a need not a want.
I fall asleep at last.