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3 Reasons Why Your Appearance Doesn’t Matter

beautiful girl photo

For the last few decades we have heard that the *media* have given us the wrong idea about ourselves.

We should not compare our looks to Brooke Sheilds or America’s Top Model. But here we still are. The goal is to sell, sell, sell.  Make-up is Queen.

#metoo, while the most important social movement of this era, has still not gone so far as to say, don’t focus on your looks.  Focus on you.  Maybe the slogan should be #doyou.  Because women are still coming in my office crying about a pimple or a bump or a bruise or a bloat or a thigh or a hairdo.  I try to tell them it doesn’t matter.  But I’m up against the largest industry in the world: beauty.

1. It won’t last – it’s great to be young and fit and attractive.  But will that last forever?  Outer beauty can fade but inner beauty can’t. Skincare, hair care, make-up, perfumes, toiletries and deodorants, and oral cosmetics are the main product categories of the cosmetic market. Since the early 20th century, the production of cosmetics and beauty products has been controlled by a handful of multi-national corporations– L’Oréal, Unilever, Procter & Gamble, The Estee Lauder Companies, Shiseido Company, to name a few. In 2016, the U.S. was considered the most valuable beauty and personal care market in the world, generating approximately $84 billion in revenue that year.

2. It’s not what defines you – what defines you is YOUR CHOICE.  Even against trauma the body fights to be free and clear.  When you heal from trauma you can be defined by what’s important to you.  In his book “The Body Keeps the Score,” Bessel Van der Kolk states,

“Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs, and, in an attempt to control these processes, they often become expert at ignoring their gut feelings and in numbing awareness of what is played out inside. They learn to hide from their selves.” (p.97)” 
― Bessel A. van der KolkThe Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

3. We got the wrong message – let’s fight back and say, “I am who I am.”  Step back and say to yourself that you are kind and strong, and hope that the right people understand.  I once had a beautiful girl who was counting the number of potato chips she ate each week.  After therapy, she gave up the counting and focused on her education.  She is now working at a top NYC start-up.  Go you!  She is more beautiful than ever because she is confident.

My husband once said the most attractive thing about a woman is how she carries herself.  Confidence is King!

3 Reasons Why Your Appearance Doesn’t Matter

Donna C. Moss

Donna Moss was a blog contributor at Psych Central.

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APA Reference
Moss, D. (2018). 3 Reasons Why Your Appearance Doesn’t Matter. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 22, 2020, from


Last updated: 9 Feb 2018
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