8 thoughts on “Sex Addiction, Paraphilias, and Offending… Oh My!

  • November 28, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    I’m 60 years of age and met a 63 year old lady. She flips homes after retiring from a 13 year business job. Her 250K home has no curtains. After having known her for just over 24 hours, 30 hours to be exact, we were making out like 16 year old teens. I truly thought we were going to be a match till time’s end. I felt quite uneasy , naturally, simply because I did not know her that well, and we were in the process of , well, foreplay. There were no odd things laying around her home, she went to Church, was well groomed, liked the casual dress as in jeans and nice cotton shirt, tennis shoes. Really attractive woman and I was definitely interested. It was a no brainer she wanted to be intimate. But my character held me back. I just didn’t feel comfortable in that short 1+ day of knowing her, and she’s wanting intimacy. That sigh of “well, what are you waiting for” I knew she was probably felling “rejected”. Had she only given me time I know I’d have given in because the urges were too much to handle much less hold back. I don’t take any enhancement meds either. We dated 2 months but the chance never came around again and one day she said “no chemistry” so I’m convinced that my lack of assertion on that 2nd day of being with her did me in. I just had to get this off my chest as it’s bugged me since. Did I do wrong by being normal, i.e., a bit hesitant since I did not know her that well and my moral character kept pulling me back a bit too. Plus there were no curtains on the windows as she was trying to sell the house but just the thought of “out in the open in broad daylight in the front living room next to the street” kinda bothered me. Wow, what a story, but it’s true.

    • November 28, 2012 at 5:39 pm

      Jim, the problem is with her totally. I believe she has a very low self-confidence level and everything else that comes out of that. Also I detect her vanity is most important factor in her selection of people. To me, she wouldn’t be worth a second effort because she appears to be a “user” and long term relationships won’t be in her future.
      You seem to have good self-awareness and morals and should keep looking around for someone more like yourself.

  • November 29, 2012 at 1:15 am

    Not true.

    You wrote…

    “The simple fact is sex addicts seek to expand and/or intensify their behavior over time, which is necessary if they wish to achieve the same neurochemical high – adrenaline, serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine release – as their addiction progresses. (This tolerance/escalation phenomenon is characteristic in all forms of addiction.)”

    Not at all true. In fact, according to the recent NIAAA alcoholism data, seventy percent of alcoholics get better on their own. That inevitability of expanded intensity argument is a shibboleth that can only be designed to scare people. Alcoholism is the best studied addiction in history. Learn from those who’ve studied it.

    See the NIAAA Spectrum paper, “Alcoholism Isn’t What It Used to Be” http://www.orange-papers.org/forum/node/1937

    • December 5, 2012 at 10:31 pm

      TPG. Clearly you are not an addict. Or maybe you are and are in denial.

      • December 10, 2012 at 10:19 am

        @Wille, does one need to be an addict to point out a massive epidemiological study carried out by the federal agency charged with alcoholism research? When the research runs counter to common assertions, attention must be paid.

  • December 6, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    this was very interesting and related to class very well. i was able to understand a lot of the words within the article due to going over them in class the other day

  • December 13, 2012 at 10:47 am

    Thanks for your continued great work…

  • May 9, 2013 at 5:20 pm

    Excellent article and areas we have been addressing on Recovery Nation for years. It’s good to see the therapy world opening up these doors for discussion and clarification!


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