44 thoughts on “Does Watching Porn Affect Intimate Relationships? (Part One: Men)

  • May 11, 2011 at 1:06 pm

    I notice these articles never seem to address the scenario where the woman withholds, unilaterally.

  • May 12, 2011 at 2:47 pm

    What do you think about the availability of more 3D technologies, like Real Touch, that allows a man to sync a visual porn experience to a tactile experience? As this technology improves, do you foresee an increase in porn addiction?

  • May 14, 2011 at 12:44 am

    This article is fascinating and I’m particularly interested in the three results of consistent porn use and would love to do some more reading on all of them. Can anyone direct me to some citations or the original research behind the conclusions?

  • June 14, 2011 at 4:54 pm

    I find it interesting that the issue of how these materials exploit people with histories of abuse does not even raise an eyebrow. Take a look at the sex industry documentaries and how many women and children are sold into sexual slavery across the world including the US and Canada.

  • January 18, 2012 at 7:36 am

    Looking at the wider worrying issues of the porn industry (exploitation, coercion, violence, sex slavery,objectification, putting out false ideas about what is normal etc), it is shameful that men and women) support and condone such an industry just for the want of a quick, undemanding sexual experience. Porn can damage intimate relationships, it can damage the idea of sex as a loving act, and it can harm humanity.

  • January 21, 2012 at 1:19 am

    sometimes porn can be the hindrance if the porn is not just pictures but chatting with others and talking sexual… this is a big problem… if the other half keeps secrets about it. talk it out and open up to each other…to begin .then…choose what is important.

  • March 5, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    I did my own test since my man likes porn daily which has caused many fights in our house. I blocked all porn thru all computers in the house for a month…we had the best sex and he was very affectionate to me during this time. I got a new laptop and turned on the ability for viewing porn about a week ago and i have not had any affection/sex since….as a matter of fact we are fighting now because i turned off the porn again because i am feeling very neglected which makes me feel unattractive to him and affects my self esteem in that area like i am not good enough. I don’t think porn belongs in a relationship (unless used to stay faithful due to long-distance, jail, hospitalization etc), leave that for single people.

    • April 11, 2012 at 4:30 pm

      I totally agree with you …. I have had the same problem ….. When my partner watches porn 4 times a week he has no need for me …. He shows no affection or interest at all …. Infact quite cold …..then tries to say he doesn’t want to make love because he is tired .,,, lol … He didn’t realise that I KNEW he had been watching porn and that I noticed he did not want me ….. No wonder !!!! But when i confronted him he totally denied it …… Sad i would say !!! And very weak not to admit !!! Porn should be for the single male …. If he wants to look at a woman’s intimate areas then he should look at his partners and not some cheap xxxxxxx on line

  • May 14, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    My boyfriend has ruined the relationship we had by using/masturbating to porn. I was confused at first, not understanding why he had to handle himself to get an erection. He cannot climax with me yet acts hypersexual when it comes to checking out women’s body parts, especially young girls that look 15 years old. His favorite porn is 18- year-olds who look much younger. Legal, but these girls look like his teenage daughters and their friends he had custody of a few years back. However, he checks out older women if there aren’t any younger ones around. I’m so sickened. He lies about his porn use. And he can’t keep an erection with me and can only cum if I jerk him off. I am an attractive, sexy, middle-aged woman, but feel very ugly, and want to hide my body at times knowing he views/and has locked in his brain naked young women’s vaginas,anuses, bounding breasts,and long hair.
    Are there any men out there who still love their woman and actually enjoy real sex and honest companionship? I am so hurt I feel like I’m dying inside. I will be breaking it off very soon to see if I can recover and feel like an attractive woman once again with a man who cares to have an honest, loving, sexual relationship.

    • May 17, 2012 at 6:00 pm

      Karen, I have to ask — why is this guy still your boyfriend? If sex ever got that bad with someone I was committed to, and there was no change even after it had been brought to his attention, I’d be listening to Paul Simon and finding the 51st way to leave that lover. And if I ever did that kind of behavior and my lover pointed it out to me, and I didn’t change it? I couldn’t blame him if he went and found the 52nd.

      Sex is integral to couples. Absolutely integral.

    • May 28, 2012 at 6:35 am

      Karen, I know exactly how you feel. I found out my husband was watching porn at home, in hotel rooms when traveling for work and visiting strip clubs (“business”)about 5 years ago. Still trying to figure out how one can justify going to a strip club as “business.”

      How do you carry on a conversation about the sales figures with a Ho’s tits in your face?

      My husband still gives me the creeps. We have 3 daughters, two are young adults. Somehow I can’t get out of my head that he checks out young women the same age as our daughters…CREEPY! No???

      They(your boyfriend, my husband)have the problems…sexually I don’t feel like I have to sneak around, and lie.

      I’m beautiful, sexy, athletic and smart…my husband doesn’t even see me…other people notice.

      One of these days….he just doesn’t know it. What goes around, comes back around. Just know…we can all do better. Not all men are disrespectful pigs, I’d like to think that there are still gentlemen out there…I have to believe this.

  • May 21, 2012 at 8:31 am

    1. Where are your citations of studies or research ? Your assertions aren’t self evident.

    2. Almost all of your comments here are from women that are laying pornography to blame, correct or not, for their relationship woes. Not to mention an anti pornography activist.

    3. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, but the most commonly searched sex genre is teen sex. If you are not taking care of yourself physically like many Americans, it’s sort of hard to complain that a man would find (in Internet fantasy land) a nubile teenager more attractive.. Well… I mean the same goes for women here too. If a guy let’s himself go, it’s not license to cheat, but it’d be hard for him to complain about you looking at hot guy pornography.

    Don’t make pornography a red herring for legitimate intimacy issues.

    • May 26, 2012 at 12:06 am

      I’ve been trying to get him to cite his backup for a particular claim about the raw number of American sex addicts (as he defines them) for a couple of months now. No dice.

    • November 7, 2012 at 9:12 am

      You are obviously a guy.

    • December 5, 2012 at 2:11 pm

      1. GSL, I won’t say if I think you are a guy or a girl but have you ever experienced porn having an effect on a serious relationship? Most of the women who have posted seem to have been/ are in a relationship that has been severly effected by porn. I understand your comment about “letting yourself go” and saying that may be part of the issue but I feel I can speak against that. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 & 1/2 yrs now and just last week found out he has been looking at porn at least twice a week, for apparently about the last year. In that same time frame, our sex life went for multiple times a week to down to what it is now, maybe once a week, if lucky, usually more like once every 2 weeks. I am only 25 and still in damn good shape and work out regularly so I have not let myself go as you say but he still felt that need to turn to that. I have tried just about every trick in the book and I have never, in the 2 yrs we’ve been together, turned him down when he wanted sex so please tell me how I am somehow at fault for him turning to porn? or explain to me how porn hasn’t had a poor effect on our relationship.

  • February 26, 2013 at 10:51 am

    Girls, I am a fit woman and considered very attractive. I never saw internet porn till my boyfriend showed me—immediately I was hooked!
    I am very visual —have a hard time putting it down and had to seek help—it DOES affect you—I know—it entered into every part of my life—and I have only had a couple lovers so porn did it for me—the MEN!!!! you should start looking at the well endowed MEN!!!! they are beautiful—-Let him feel what it is like—LOOK AT THE NAKED MEN!!!!!! keep photos, masturbate, have a great time—I did, not thinking it was wrong—and wow, did my BF feel differently—Porn lost its glam when your GF wants it…I have been counseled and have it under control now but wow, did it make my BF step up–yummy—men don’t want you enjoying other men just like you don’t want them enjoying other girls too much—once in a while to spice it up is great—but I really understand it can become a problem like it did with me…..

  • February 26, 2013 at 10:52 am

    good for the goose—good for the gander!!!!

  • March 24, 2013 at 8:41 pm

    I believe porn really does distort reality of what sex should be like. I am totally against it. Great article here. 🙂

  • April 21, 2013 at 4:45 pm

    when i watch the porn crapp on the sites that my husband looked,it is sick,But one thing i know for sure when out of the blue I pulled out the butcher knife and said this is what porn does for me,he’s stop..I have a survelience on all computers he uses,nothing,the do react to fear,not me being the victim..:-)

    • September 30, 2014 at 1:34 am

      What about his phone??? They are computer’s. And they can look up just as nuch porn in those! 🙁 it sucks to feel you are not enough for your husband..I know. Unfortunately..and if I find out he is still looking at the crap I week leave him. Why be with someone I Am not enough for? We are married have kids I’m 27 dont look like I had kids, get complemented ALL the time. And always am down to have sex with my husband! And alot of times he is too “too tired” now after reading other ppl saying their man would say the same thing makes me wonder…how often he does it when he knows I dont want him to ever do it! Andtild he has no reason to have to do it!! So if he chooses random chicks over his wife… thats not who im staying with the rest of my life!

      • June 16, 2015 at 12:12 pm

        I could not stay any longer. Pornography takes away from the love,value,and respect that I should have had as his wife. It makes me sad that it took me so long to leave. Don’t waste your life.

  • August 7, 2013 at 6:00 am

    this is completely ridiculouse. pornography in no way or shape effects a mans interest in his own wife. In a small fraction of males it may become an obsession and could affect a relationship.. but porn didnt do it, that particular person just has a problem. the fact is 99% of men view porn while masturbating, and every man masturbates. we do not compare our partners to the pornstars and we certainly wouldnt degrade our partners in any way bye doing so. men just masturbate… all of them. young, old, fat, skinny, rich or poor its one thing we all do. and masturbation is in no way a subtitute for sex, it just gets us bye untill the next time.

    • October 2, 2014 at 2:36 am

      Did you ever consider who you were neglecting? Some of us are tired of being forgotten.

    • July 18, 2016 at 8:48 pm

      What about porn on phone during sex?

    • September 2, 2016 at 11:33 pm

      Nice try, in justifying your position. your excuses are lame, and inappropriate. Porn is, and has been proven to be addictive, and is in no way any substitute until the next time. you are only trying to justify whacking off to say I’m normal like every other guy. And fyi, its 99% of men who mastrubate. With you its 100% sexual, and 100% selfish, so you can get off because your not getting any. LOSER!

    • November 30, 2016 at 1:32 pm

      part of what you are saying is true – all males masterbate. but what about when the female partner is down to be intimate with their man 24/7 and would be happy to go there at least once a day, but only gets to be with them once or twice a week because the male partner replaces their partner for private time in the bathroom? and the female partner is attractive, not overweight, and makes a lot of effort with sexy outfits and letting the male try other more taboo things with their partner. Despite all of this, the intimacy is replaced by a phone and a toilet.

  • August 7, 2013 at 6:11 am

    us porn viewing males love our partners dearly.. the main problem is common between all you ladies and every other lady, even if you compulsively keep yourself in shape. you are all insecure about your own bodies and this whole world makes you. because you know that us men are aroused bye what we see.. but if your in a health relationship no matter what you look like your partner will look at you and see beautiful. he might not say it as often any more but i garentee he still feels it. your all beautiful.

    • June 16, 2015 at 1:11 pm

      No you don’t love dearly. You would not be doing what you are. Give me a break. Clearly you don’t know what love is. Love is serving each other not yourself. How incredibly selfish.

  • January 21, 2014 at 8:39 pm

    I have used porn (books, movies, internet) in my past, yet I didn’t feel like it done me any harm really nor did I ever have a real problem with it. I always held women in the highest regard, as long as they were the same. But recently, I have been looking at internet porn more often than I have in the past 6 or 7 years. I am happily married to a woman that is very sweet and hasn’t had any man except me. I love her for who she is despite her physical anomalies. She has Turner Syndrome and she looks more like a school grade girl than a 37 year old woman. I mean no disrespect to her at all. I know that she herself doesn’t feel that good about her body most of the time. I try and have tried to make her feel better about herself. But our sex life to me isn’t all that good. I’ve tried different things with her (position books, etc.) but to me she doesn’t seem all that interested. She says sex is good to her but I feel otherwise. And the thing is that she doesn’t have a need to have sex that much at all. I know that “normal” women aren’t going to act like porn queens so for her to “act” like that is out of the question. She does know that I look at porn and to my knowledge has no problem with it at least that’s how she comes across with me about it. For most of my life, like most “normal size” guys in the equipment department, I have felt and still do feel inferior to guys with “bigger than normal size” there. I have myself been degraded a few times about mine by some promiscuous women in my past and I took it to heart. I’m not below normal just not above it. Eighty percent of the male population is average whereas only twenty percent are above it. But it seems that the twenty percent have an advantage to me. And porn explicitly caters to that. Why I look at it, I really don’t know except perhaps to fanticize about me being able to “make a woman feel that way” which I’ve never been able to do I feel. I am very sexually sensual although my wife tries to be, she isn’t like me at all. I feel as though I’ve possibly let her down although I’m confused and distressed about the way she acts in the bedroom.

  • September 30, 2014 at 6:09 pm

    I love my husband. Sex isnt all their is to a martiage. But healthy sex between 2people helps the marriage if it included talking, laughing, caring. Porn takes awsy trust. It puts unacceptable ideas in your head. If it causes either partner to ignore their spouse or hurt them then its wrong.

  • November 12, 2014 at 12:50 am

    In a loving healthly relationship there should be understanding and patients in giving of yourself to the one you love..if this happens on both sides.. there should never be issues with viewing porn.. because the needs are being met.

  • November 20, 2014 at 4:10 pm

    this has effecting my sexuality as well, but not only from my marriage which basically died, but also casual sex with men.
    here is my personal story and observations and fears

  • August 11, 2015 at 5:54 pm

    For me porn has a very strong allure. Since I want nothing to do with a “typical pair-bond relationship”, I am not too concerned about the long term damages porn might do to a relationship I’ll never want or have. I gave up porn to try and save my marriage, but it failed anyways… I briefly went back to porn, then quit again. Now, two years after the divorce, and after a long battle with severe depression, I have the faint glimmer of a libido coming back after being off porn for over a year straight. But guess what. I Don’t WANT my libido back! A libido is awful when you’re single and the only way you have to relieve it is boring masturbation in the shower. Because “getting sex” for a single man is actually quite complicated, time consuming and expensive (whether you pay directly or indirectly for it) I am thinking that porn might be a good outlet for me again. Porn really enhances the masturbation experience, but in my opinion is DOES rewire your brain to respond to images rather than a human person. If you WANT a good sex life with a real partner, then I gotta say: what they say about porn is true. It literally will replace intimacy with your partner, and you will no longer find her attractive or appealing at all.

    But for us men who want little or nothing to do with relationships at all, well, porn just might be a good outlet. A good sexual relationship is *VERY* hard to maintain and the woman has to be happy on a about 12 emotional levels simultaneously and it’s actually very rare to keep a woman sexually interested and available for a long period of time. Long term relationships is *not* the easy road to regular good quality sex!

    So yes, porn might be bad for men who find themselves having sexual problems within relationships – but for us men who don’t want the grief of a relationship just to relieve a biological urge, porn is FANTASTIC. It’s as liberating for us men as birth control was for women in the 70’s. Men are now liberated from the slings and arrows of being involved romantically with women, which – truth be told – is way more of a headache than it’s worth.

    • November 30, 2016 at 1:38 pm

      you have a point, but being heart broken by a failed relationship shouldn’t make you decide to do away with any relationships in the future. what if there was a woman out there that would actually be worth it? You’ll never know if you’d rather be alone and jack off to imaginary people. But certainly, if you do end up finding an amazing person whom you adore and adores you back and is willing to be your everything, don’t destroy it by keeping up your habits from when you were alone.

  • August 18, 2015 at 9:56 am

    I enjoy sex and my husband doesn’t want it as often as me so I will watch porn, he knows about it. But now he is watching it. I have never said no to anything in bed and even ask if there is something he wants to try….. so why is he watching it???? I watch it to curb my appetite for sex but I’m down when ever he wants. Don’t understand and can’t really get upset because I do it.

  • August 23, 2015 at 3:40 am

    It is very rate that I feeli compelled strongly enough to leave a comment for an article that I read on sone web page while I lay so peacefully next to whiom I think is the most wonderful woman on the planet. Not just 20 min ago we just shared for the third time today, what I know is the most mind blowing deeply intimate, passionate, sex that I’ve ever experienced in my relatively sexually experienced life. It was not detached in any way, and both stared into each other’s eyes and souls the entire time. There are no secrets or dark corners in our long term relationship. I am a very proud father of a wonderfully spirited young daughter and my love is a wonderful loving mother of two happy boys. We are both in our 40’s and have both been married and divorced and well aware of the realities of the negative effects of unexpected things can have on a marriage.

    Now, about your article….which you so confidently pass off as a universal truth and proven fact. Still trying to determine whether you are either,….incredibly ignorant and lack any evolved understanding and zero regard to the negative effects of trying to pass off an unproven theory or thought as fact to unsuspecting readers who actually might believe all that they read…….or ….you have a much bigger set of balls then me and are brazen enough to not even feel the need to back up your statements with any data or how you arrived to conclude and accept as universal truth for all mankind, what you conjured in your self righteous unevolved head.

    This article and narrow minded over assumed masterpiece of B*LLSH*T is exactly why people, all of us, have the potential to become detached and unable to discuss and connect with something that is so common, satisfying and healthy for so many lovimg couples and individuals. You help perpetuate the harmfully repressed inability and comfort in western civilisation to discuss something so common, frequent, and potentially intimate as our own tastes, preferences, sexual desires and limitations. And also helped stifle any celebration of our incredibly diverse and colourful rich array of Desires, tastes, preferences and experiences. You …push it into a corner and make many fear something they love. You and your puke enducing puddle of toilet water is a great example of what is actually detaching humans from there own personality. I can only think how detached and unaware you are of your conflicted preferenences. You are the one who is detached and afraid of true intamacy.
    I watch very raunchy wonderfully nasty/naughty porn many times a week for most of my adult life. Sometimes alone and sometimes together. We both comfortably discuss, enjoy, and explore our beautiful fantasy and intimate desrires. She knows all of my many kinks and why I think have them. Our relationship and how we relate sexuality and how that can change us. Connected. Intimate, heathy well processed topic. My porn consumption has been greatly debated, philosophied and over annylized kinky fantasies. It have never left me unfulfilled and has been very enjoyable way that I could fantasise and get off too with my partner with regularly. Intimacy at its highest. Love at its finest, and connected at the deepest level of our amazing relationship. Would be very great and almost potentially redeedming for you as respectable writer …to go and study whatever research that you see and post a follow up ….and clarify what is only been less than a year. proven fact for reality. Have a great day

    • August 23, 2015 at 3:49 am

      Also needed to tell you one thing or two that are indeed actually fact because I was there and its me who experienced this ….for me, the more Sexually active we are as a loving couple the more frequent I’ll reach for porn. And it’s when I don’t have much activity I am less I terested in porn. It leaves me feeling sexually fulfilled in some of my more kinky fantasies that I enjoy thinking about with out reall physical and emotional repercussions for me.

    • November 30, 2016 at 1:44 pm

      perhaps that would be a great solution to the problem. you and your partner have everything out in the open. no secrets, no lying, no hiding, no shame. perhaps that would help many couples. the problem has to do with when intimacy in a loving sexual partnership wanes or the partner becomes replaced with the private bathroom sessions. when the woman is wanting intimacy more than once or twice a week but can’t have that because the man is wasting away his libido selfishly. let’s have that conversation.

      • March 7, 2017 at 2:42 pm

        Well said, thank you.

  • October 20, 2016 at 1:48 am

    Hi I have a question… I’m 18 and my girlfriend who ill be marrying soon have sex every now and then. Of course I want to have sex more but our schedules clash often leaving us apart for a while, sometimes I cant get it up after the first time and she wants to have sex again but I cant get it up but I love my girlfriend to death and want to marry her. we watch porn together but when were alone were not supposed to, sometimes I do though, could this be the cause?

  • August 28, 2018 at 8:22 am

    Here’s my dilemma….my husband had his prostate removed due to cancer. Prior to this we enjoyed a very satisfying emotional and physical relationship.
    Post surgery…he “can’t” keep an erection even with injectons. We start out hot and heavy but soon after the playing begins it’s over.
    I’ll admit I have always had the larger appetite. I have learned to repress my own sexual frustration and supportively wait for the nod. I would never in my wildest dreams do anything to make him feel less manly or less desirable for I do not feel either and really just want to have that emotional and yes physical connection with the only man I want. It is to the point I feel like my masturbation is cheating on him although I know that is my own doing.
    He has taken to watching porn. I don’t know how often and talking about it usually ends up with us not talking about it.
    He initially said he watched girl on girl in effort to pick up tricks to please me….ok…bring on the pleasure because that part of my life is so very lonely
    Now we’re still not having sex and he is still watching porn but it has nothing to do with me?
    Please make me understand
    I get that I’m not as young and beautiful as I once was but I haven’t ” let myself go” and I am/ was always willing to try new things.
    He states his manhood was removed with the prostate…I say that is a total mental thing because he can and does achieve natural erections.
    I really think it’s me

    • August 28, 2018 at 10:53 am

      I am sorry you are going through this difficult situation. If your husband is willing to join you, I suggest that couple’s counseling with a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (an LFMT) might help the two of you discuss what’s going on, how it’s affecting each of you, and what sort of agreements you might be able to reach about healthy sexual boundaries. Thank you for sharing your story on this forum, as I know from experience that you’re not alone with your frustrations. One last thing: It’s not you. Your husband’s behaviors are his, and the only role you have in that is letting him know how his choices are affecting you and your relationship. I wish you all the best, and I hope that you and your husband will be able to work it out.


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