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Compulsive Masturbation: The Secret Sexual Disorder


Will I Go Blind?

Of all the types of sexual acting out, compulsive masturbation, with or without pornography, is the most secretive and isolating—and also the most common (in both men and women). Because many individuals view sexual self-stimulation as shameful, dirty, or sinful, those who engage in the practice compulsively are unlikely to discuss it with others, even a therapist.

If and when a compulsive masturbator does seek help, he or she is unlikely to do so for his/her sexual acting out. Instead, that individual is far more likely to report anxiety, depression, feelings of loneliness and isolation, and the inability (or lack of desire) to form intimate relationships with other people.

Some people who masturbate compulsively do so as part of their daily routine. These are “morning, noon and night” people who masturbate on a regular schedule, almost like clockwork—when they wake up, before they go to bed, when they’re in a particular place, when some “thing” happens, or when they experience a certain (usually uncomfortable) feeling.

Other individuals are binge masturbators, “losing themselves” for hours or even days at a time, sometimes continuing to masturbate even after physically injuring their genitalia. Binge masturbation is occasionally accompanied by illicit drug use, usually stimulants like cocaine or crystal meth.

Binge masturbators can lock themselves in their home or a motel room for days on end, losing all track of time and life in the real world.

29 Comments to
Compulsive Masturbation: The Secret Sexual Disorder

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  1. I am 18 and a female. So the big emotions I feel when I masturbate is shame, guilt and embarrassment. I used to masturbate every few days but recently it has become an issue. I masturbate 7-9 times a day and at night i go for 4 hours while watching porn. I have been touching myself even in public secretly. last week I was caught touching myself in class by my teacher and she said she is concerned and i have a problem. She told my parents and they agree because recently they have walked in on me. My therapist and parents came up with a plan and I completely agree to it so nothing is wrong its just embarrassing. So I’m not allowed to masturbate in my room because it makes me more isolated. So I am only allowed to do it anywhere in the house. If I have an urge I have to act on it wherever I am and think about why I have the urge. My parents are not allowed to comment if they walk in on me they just have to do what they are doing normally and pretend I’m not masturbating. It is to teach me that everyone does and not to be embarrassed and to not keep it a secret. Today they already caught me 2 times. I hate this plan but it is suppose to help me in the long run. Its just very hard because I have a lot of urges and I have to act on if wherever I am. Last night during dinner I had one and I tried to stop but I started masturbating. My parents didn’t comment but when I orgasmed I started crying because I felt so embarrassed and gross. Later that night it was really late and I had an urge. Even though I was in my room I decided to use my vibrator. I was getting into it so I took my pants and underwear off and played on my bed. I was quiet but my dad woke up and walked in on me. The plan for this(because im not allowed to in my room secretly) he had to sit at my desk while I masturbated. I completely agreed to my plan because I want to get better and this involved it. So he is on his phone and every time I gasp he looks at me. Im fully wet and I feel an orgasm coming and I do but I also squirted. He saw the entire thing and after just told me to clean my sheets. I was beyond embarrassed and was angry at myself because I felt disgusted that I would squirt. I know logically that this plan needs to be followed so I am sticking to it.

  2. I’m a 26 year old male. I masturbate daily watching porn and usually prolong the play for an hour or two, sometimes 3 while alone at home, on average I achieve one or two orgasms per day.

    This is an increase from my usual one hour/ 3 times per week rhythm, and it has all started a couple of years ago when I had a dramatic career and a social shift in my life, I didn’t really think that I had a problem, but the fact that no matter how hard I tried, I still couldn’t break the rhythm, made me worry that something has gone wrong.

    My habit is just watching average porn with nothing illegal, however I started being an exhibitionist, I enjoy flashing my body and I do it legally in some of the many available naturist facilities.

    I want to stop doing this, but nevertheless I just can’t, sadly I have also started smoking while masturbating and I burn on average 5 cigarettes during the masturbation hour, the feeling of hot smoke burning through my lungs turns me on and help achieve stronger orgasms but later during the day I struggle to breathe and I cough a lot. I also drink a beer or two to get in the mode.

    I’m still not convinced that I have a real problem and I think that I do this just because I am stressed, I also don’t have access to a health insurance at the moment and can’t afford a therapist so it is basically a vicious circle of self destruction.

    • Have you stop it if how tell me

    • My friend, we are notjudgemental here in the 12 step World of recovery.Sorry to say you are
      most definitely a sex addict, tho your behavior has not yet hurt anyone? The brain produces incredible feel good chemicals when orgasm occurs. The addict seeks that brain explosion. So go online and pick a few meetings. Call the person-in-charge and they will help you select some different types of meetings.eventually you will find a sponsor.

      It works

  3. don’t agree with statement that men are more visual and women more turned on by romance. that’s bullshit. and an incorrect stereotype. I don’t care if it’s coming from a professional, it’s still a misleading statement. the only reason women aren’t turned on by porn and visual imagery as much as men is because porn is misogynistic and is geared towards males. duh. porn is not just about sex, it’s about sexual domination and humiliation of the female performers, and men get off to that because men are sexist. so it’s no wonder not many women like heterosexual porn. why do you think gay and lesbian porn are the top favourite categories for women?

    • oh I see a man wrote this article. probably slipped that little “men are visual” myth in there to justify sexual objectification of women and make porn watching men feel less guilty.

  4. So I appreciate the article. I’m a sex addict and thankful to be in recovery. I appreciate all the work Rob Weiss has done and chuckle at the comment that since he posits that men are more attracted to body parts that he’s a chauvinist. Doubt it.

    Anyway, I came across this article because I’m interested in a discussion of compulsive versus non-compulsive masturbation. Currently masturbation is in my inner circle but I’m not sure ALL masturbation needs to be there. If I’m sneaking off to a bathroom stall at work – yes, inner circle. If I’m in the shower or going to bed at night (currently separated), I’m not so sure. If I go on and on for hours hurting myself, missing commitments, zoned out from the world – inner circle. If I think of my wife, think of making love with her and have a manual stimulation orgasm (one) in a reasonable amount of time (say 5-10 minutes) and go to sleep, I’m just unclear how THAT’s being “sex drunk” or any other phrase that might accompany bottom line behavior.

    I’m clear on sex outside of my marriage, porn, strip clubs, dominatrixes, chat rooms, all being bottom line. There’s no place in my healthy sexuality for those. Just really struggling with whether I’m unnecessarily keeping “normal” masturbation in that inner circle. Whenever I try to have the discussion in my 12 step group or in therapy it goes to “do you really think that’s a decision a sex addict can make?”.

    Argh. Comments – that is, experience, strength and hope – are welcome.

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