General

Is Trump a Sex Addict?


The temptation to diagnose Donald Trump from a distance is hard to resist.  So I've been sorting through the evidence for and against #Trumpisasexaddict.  And if he's not, then what's wrong with him?

I don't know where to start with Trump's sexual indicators and behaviors.  I mean, who buys a beauty pageant?  Actually he bought three of them.  It's like the bad old joke about the gay teenager's wealthy father offering to buy his son...
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General

Why Isn’t Married Sex “Hot”? And Should it be?

Does married sex really need to imitate porn and sex addiction? If sex in a long-term relationship was, on average, as erotically compelling as other kinds of sexual encounters, then about half of all books, plays and movies and other forms of entertainment would never exist. And that's not even counting the various forms of X-rated cultural products.

Certainly many comedians would be out of a job. You...
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Gay-Straight

An Explosive Issue: Are Sexual Behaviors Learned?

The question is not whether our sexually addictive behavior and fantasies are learned, but rather which ones are learned, when they are learned, and which ones are carved in stone?

This issue quickly can become radioactive. Talk of any changes in our patients' sexuality brings on accusations that clinicians want to alter people's sexual orientation or fit them into a particular model of sexual health. But the fact that something can be learned or...
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General

Signs a Sex Addiction is Spiraling out of Control

Addictions tend to grow increasingly serious over time. Sex addiction is no different from other addictions in that it tends to become increasingly severe and all consuming.

But sex addicts typically differ from other addicts in that they can appear more normal over a much longer period of time than say, an alcoholic or a drug addict. The damaging affects of substance abuse and other addictions such as food and gambling tend to be...
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General

Why You Should Stop Calling Sex Addicts “Perpetrators”

People who have been on the receiving end of a sex addict's betrayal, manipulation, lies, and other forms of uncaring and abusive behavior experience serious emotional trauma. Lives are torn apart, children are affected, families are alienated and as if that weren't enough there are often dire health and/or financial consequences.

But is any given sex addict really a perpetrator?  A psychopath?  Well, they could be.  And there is no doubt...
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Diagnosis

Can Anger Kill You?

It seems to be axiomatic that going around harboring feelings of anger is hazardous to your well-being. See for example this extensive list of quotable quotations about the perils of anger and how to handle it.

Americans seem to be angrier and more pessimistic than they used to be. But according to a new NBC online poll poorer, non-Hispanic white people are the angriest. They are also the most pessimistic about the prospects...
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General

“Merry Christmas, I’m a Sex Addict”! When to Tell Your Parents and Family


Although full disclosure to a partner or spouse is considered essential to recovery, telling your parents, your grown up children, your relatives or your in-laws that you are a sex addict can be a good idea or a very bad idea depending on a number of factors. Of the scores of sex addicts I have treated, each one has had a unique situation in confronting the fallout from this question. There...
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Diagnosis

The War on Sex Addiction

In the world of science denial, the attempt to deny the existence of sex and porn addiction occupies a special place. Although a large and growing body of science demonstrates the reality of porn and sex addiction, the barrage of assaults continues in the form of weaponized research and ideological demonization.

Even among many who accept the reality of behavioral addictions generally, such as food, shopping, exercise and gambling, the idea of sex...
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General

Lovers or Sex Buddies?

Many sex addicts don't know how to date. They crave a normal relationship but do not have a realistic picture of what a good relationship might look like - or how to get there. By the same token, they may think they are dating you when what they are actually doing is using their time with you as one of their acting out behaviors.

Even for non-addicts the term "dating" is ambiguous and increasingly hard...
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General

Does “Yes” Mean “Yes”? Sexual Consent, Manipulation and Gaslighting

Revelations in recent years as to the extent of sexual assault on campuses, in the military and in other institutional settings has lead to some changes in the idea of what constitutes "consent" to a sexual act. There is increasing recognition that simply failing to say the word "no" does not automatically imply consent in the sense of actual willingness to do the act in question. Hence the new standard that only "yes"...
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