3 thoughts on “Risk Factors in Recovery From Sexual Betrayal

  • April 14, 2015 at 8:32 pm

    Thank you for this article. I have recently realised that my husband is a pathological liar and a narcissist who betrayed me on a grand scale worth at least an Oscar nomination. He has been involved with a work colleague for almost 2 years. Even when I confronted him with he photo he took while they went on holidays, leaving me alone with our 5 year old daughter over Christmas, he still denied doing anything wrong. I was left completely devastated by his ( and hers) behaviour and spend a year trying to overcome suicidal feelings. I really need to greave and get past this terrible experience. It is difficult though because he still lives in our shared house. The article clarified that what I feel and am going through is normal after such emotional trauma when my reality was manipulated according to his lies. I am slowly coming to terms that what I thought I had – a loving, supporting partner, nice marriage and many happy years together with the man I love ahead of me – probably never really was. At least in his world and so I am where I am and hope for better tomorrow, for myself and my darling daughter.

    • April 14, 2015 at 9:31 pm

      Dear KK, thanks so much for your thoughtful comment. Check out one of the websites for partners and spouses such as POSARC (partners of sex addicts resource center)

  • July 10, 2015 at 4:59 am

    What did I do to deserve the of emotional abuse of betrayal and manipulation? I ignored red flags of distancing behaviors that signalled the addict I would let myself be fooled. When my SA and I were dating I asked him why the words private and privacy came up so often and he claimed to be paranoid about identity theft – I bought it. During our 14 years together he taught me the terms describing liars’ strategies such as “plausible deniability, never ask a question you don’t want to hear the answer to, never allow the appearance of impropriety if you’re up to no good.” These techniques were brought up in talking about others while he was actually using them on me! He would always leave indefiniteness in the air and allow me to fill in the blanks with what he knew were the least evil explanations because he knew I adored him. During the hell of Discovery night he actually argued that honesty is a bad thing. Throughout the marriage we wsated money on marriage counselors allegedly because I had anger issues. Turns out he was crazy-making me with his lies, manipulation and emotionally shutting me out. Now, if there is any bit of confusion in my mind after he pretends to answer a question, I run him down, I wear him down, to get the complete picture of what is going on. It’s worth the trouble because the whole picture is often different from the impression he first tried to leave me with. My SA is an expert, intentional liar – usually by omission. On his show Dr. Phil said, “Don’t give others the benefit of the doubt.” Being trustworthy and trusting, I didn’t understand this warning until sexual betrayal blew up in my face. Now I try very hard to not be misled by my emotional abuser. I tolerate no unanswered questions in my mind whenever my SA speaks. If I wonder about anything, I wonder out loud!


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