16 thoughts on “Voyeurism: What it is and What it isn’t

  • August 23, 2014 at 1:53 pm

    Sex addicts steal of a lot from partners and spouses, who are innocent women and victims of abuse. The theft perpetrated is on an unfathomable scale. Everything is stolen.

    Every sex addict prioritizes their sexual perversions over the human rights of others. That is the dehumanizing reality.

    Thank you for addressing voyeurism, Linda. It is serious and very violating.

    My sex addict’s issues are both voyeurism and exhibitionism. He sexually abused me, along with perpetrating psychological and emotional abuse. He took naked photos of me in the bathroom and bedroom, without my knowledge or consent. It’s like being turned inside out and raped by a thousand eyes — because with the internet now voyeurs often share and upload the photos/videos to other men on voyeur websites. I have read information from criminal psychologists that voyeurs will often “test” it out on the people closest to them in the home, before committing this crime against other women. It’s horrible and traumatic. I have spoken with many female partners of sex addicts who have also had this form of sexual abuse happen to them. It’s an important point that needs to be added to the discussion and not be ignored — sex addict voyeurs often sexually abuse their partners with voyeurism.

    It is sexual abuse. However, the therapists who I have seen who work in the field of sex addiction, never named the abuse for what it is, either to me or to the addict. I found that very retraumatizing and extremely harmful. In this day and age, I can call up a domestic violence hotline, or Center Against Sexual Assault, or speak with Dr. Minwalla, and be informed in 5 mins that what the sex addict did to me is sexual abuse and part of a broader pattern of domestic abuse. Yet, disturbingly, there’s so much prolonged avoidance with CSAT’s when it comes to naming and acknowledging the sexual abuse experienced by partners, when it’s perpetrated by sex addicts. Abuse is abuse. The treatment industry is so regressive and behind the times — it’s abysmal.

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    • October 21, 2014 at 8:37 am

      That is truly horrible and I would certainly consider that a form of abuse. I read this artice as I am a recovery sex addict and am strongly drawn to voyerism. However, I never have (nor have any desire) disrespected my spouse in this regard. My voyueristic tendencies seem to be linked to re-inacting what I experienced as a small child-being exposed against my will. This has involved YouTube videos of people being “pantsed” to locker room cams. This is an incredibly challenging addiction to understand and recover from. I am glad there is more and more discussion on the topic.

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      • November 10, 2016 at 4:20 pm

        yes it is …i lost my job , marriage..family

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  • November 20, 2014 at 6:35 pm

    Sadly my father is voyeuristic. I grew up feeling violated being watched through bedroom windows, cracks in doors, surprise ‘accidental’ walking in on me, bathroom, toilet, swimming, intimate times with my boyfriend etc etc. Thank you for describing it as having something stolen, this is exactly what I have experienced but can finally describe it. This has affected nearly every area of my life, feelings of self worth, my marriage and basic trust in men. It is so intrusive, destructive and does not go unnoticed. It has cost me $40,000 plus in therapy to heal. I have no connection to my father, that should indicate how serious voyeuristic behaviours are.
    If anyone reading this is voyeuristic please seek professional help. Your loved ones will be very grateful. Peace to you in seeking healing.

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  • January 9, 2017 at 4:48 am

    Me,and my boyfriend have been together for four and a half years and he has recently liked p**** the last 2 months. As soon as he drops me off at work he goes straight to the websites and then started looking at more web sites and then I think chatting.Then the other day he got caught with voyrisum, at Goodwill looking up a girl’s skirt I don’t know what to think of it but I really truly love him I was wondering if I should be worried if I should give up on us or what to do thank you

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    • February 3, 2017 at 11:45 am

      I don’t think anyone should advise you to leave him or stay with him. Nor can anyone tell you what his future holds. Some important questions would be, does he admit to having a problem? Does he truly want to change? Has he taken any real steps in getting help? This is not a problem he can “get over” or beat without ongoing professional help. Good luck and God bless.

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  • February 2, 2017 at 12:40 am

    Oh and I suppose the majority are men according to the “experts”

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  • August 29, 2017 at 2:18 pm

    I have been living with my boyfriend for the past 15 months and just recently found out that he is addicted to voyeurism. I found over 100 pictures on his phone of women at our apartment complex, women that he works with, even women at the grocery store when I have my back turned. I am so hurt by this and don’t know what to think. We’ve discussed our options going forward, the most prominent of which being therapy. He acknowledges he has a problem and doesn’t want to continue doing it anymore because it hurts me. I am concerned it will blossom into more. For example him physically cheating on me, or as the original author wrote, he will begin to be attracted to younger and younger girls and I don’t want that either. I’m trying to look at things from his perspective and be supportive in his journey through therapy, but now he’s discussing not even wanting to go to therapy. That he’s controlling his compulsions just fine. I’m at a loss for us and our relationship.

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    • August 29, 2017 at 5:11 pm

      Hi concerned,
      You have reason to be concerned. What he is doing is illegal and he problem needs a professional evaluation with a CSAT therapist. I don’t usually hype my books but you might look at “Living with a Sex Addict” by yours truly.
      Linda

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    • October 27, 2017 at 10:00 pm

      I am no professional but I have experience and would like to give you some advice.. I hope it helps a little!

      My husband is voyeuristic. He recently got caught for the third time. I was unaware of him getting caught the 2nd time due to living apart in different countries for work during that period. His first offence was when I was still a freshmen at university so I was naive and blind to his behaviours. I didn’t even know what voyeurism was. Over the 10 year period we’ve been together, I thought his first offence was his first and final one. I failed to provide help for him the first time which lead to this – countless number of photos and videos on his phone. His lawyer asked if any of them are minors, he doesn’t even know. He could go to jail for child pornography if any of those girls he took are minors.

      I just want you to know that It’s not too late to get professional help, but he must be willing to change. I was told that voyeurism is a mental illness, but there is hope! My husband and I are currently working together to overcome his illness, and he can’t do it without me. I am more knowledgeable about this topic so I am confident he can become better. He crossed the line but now we set boundaries: be aware of your illness, get help or get out.

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  • December 22, 2017 at 7:38 am

    My husband of 12 years, was my soul mate and my best friend and step-dad to my 2 girls, both now over 18. I came home to a house full of police recently and found that my husband had been arrested… he had been covertly filming my daughters in the bath and in their bedrooms: he used the images (1.5 million of them) for self-gratification and went on to upload them onto porn websites using their real names. This had apparently been going on for over 5 years and he is now where he belongs, in jail and on the sex offenders register. He also had a database of other perverts waiting for new material to be sent to them as and when he filmed them. He told me from the start of our relationship that he had a low sex drive and now I know why. He was getting his kicks elsewhere!

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  • September 11, 2018 at 2:48 pm

    From the looks of it, what was illegal in the past is now legal here in the present . Common sense is always a factor to utilize in any case even with this . It’s a sick and twisted abominated perverse act, for one to get pleasure from . But that very pleasure helps to destroy society starting in the mind of what entities are exposed to . We as the people of the world have been transformed into no longer innocent due to porno . The creator’s are the ones that keeps adding flames to the fire for money making purposes . Voyeurism is in connection with other’s such as the web cam chat sites . There similar somewhat , but voyeur cams are considered more private .Affiliated people know there being watched which makes them just as sick as the watcher’s . It’s legal nowdays because of money making and the digital aspects of it . Thee propaganda act of wrongful sin is replaced with the swallowing of ones pride to financially survive !

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  • December 9, 2018 at 2:25 am

    Four years ago, I discovered that my ex-husband took videos/photos of me (inc us having sex) and several female friends and family. He had apparently been on voyeur sharing sites though was unable to confirm if he shared any of the images he took. The experience was traumatizing – it was difficult to sort out what I should do – let his victims know or keep quiet in order to not traumatize our daughters, too. I’ve done what I can to protect them without telling them – someday, I may. Now, years later, I don’t think about the experience everyday, but I saw him yesterday and am reliving the pain. He has never expressed any remorse or guilt or apology.

    I wish this issue had become part of the conversation with the MeToo movement. It is sexual abuse. Personally, I am not able to talk about it publicly yet.

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  • March 11, 2019 at 10:25 pm

    I found out 3 months ago my husband was having an affair with an old aquaintance of his that had been going on for 2 years. I told him to leave. I have since found a Peeping Tom video and multiple other voyeuristic photos. Many are of older people, pregnant women, breast reduction before and after photos and multiple closeups of both male and female genitalia. He had photoshopped my face and the faces of many of our friends and some my family members onto the nude bodies. He also photoshopped huge male parts onto pictures of some of our male friends. When i confronted him he says he’s been a voyeur for 25 years. We are both 49yo have been married for 19 years together for 25. We have a 16yo son and a 13yo daughter together. Are they safe around him? Im worried he is going to get arrested eventually. What do you make of this behavior?

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  • May 29, 2019 at 4:48 pm

    Hello, i have been a voyeur for several years now and i hate it. it is ruining my life and i want it to stop. i have seen several therapists but they are of no use. they rather talk about their home improvement projects than help me get to the bottom of my sickness. I need help. Please.

    Reply
 

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