26 thoughts on “Legal Traps for Internet Porn Users: 5 Ways You Can Get in Trouble

  • May 27, 2013 at 1:08 pm

    Why not just have the conversation about it with one’s therapist and find out where they stand? That said, I didn’t think there was any balance at all. Mandatory reporting is mandatory reporting, no? Failure to report is sanctionable, no? And what is the therapist’s ethical duty to lay out for the client at the start of therapy those areas that could result in a report? Sort of like Tony Soprano’s psychiatrist in THE SOPRANOS did?

    (You wrote…

    “Prosecution of such cases is a rarity but porn addicts and porn users need to figure out the reporting requirements for their state and make a judgment as to where their therapist stands on weighing confidentiality vs. required reporting.”)

    Reply
  • May 27, 2013 at 11:38 pm

    Nobody should be threatened the way I was by somebody using a scam to get three hundred dollars out of me saying I needed to use a greendot moneypak card. Which I was told this is a scam. And I never “distributed” adult materials.

    Reply
  • February 17, 2015 at 11:28 pm

    We are the legal custodians of our 15 year old grandson but he is currently in foster care. He was put through 3 foster placements before being put with distant relatives he never knew. They are allowing him to play violent and sex filled video games rated 17+ and he is also accessing porn on line. I’ve been able to track some of his access, the foster parents deny he is viewing it. He gets emails of real and cartoon characters having sex. He used an email account for which he had given me the password. The fosters refuse to believe me, his caseworker does nothing, and I’m stuck with the crap on my PC because I opened it to see what Tumblr and FLTdating, among others, are.
    Will anything be done if I report it to the police? Will he be punished, sent for counseling? Will they take my PC? I use it for our farm records and I’m the accountant for our church; I’d want to make sure I have that data backed up before they investigate. Any chance they might accuse me?!

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    • April 29, 2016 at 8:04 am

      Given the disturbed attachment history of your grandson, you may be witnessing the creation of a porn addict right in front of your eyes. He probably carries some pain from not feeling protected by his caretakers from the instinctual fear of being abandonned in the wilderness to starve to death as a helpless and powerless baby. This may have caused him to question, at a very deep level, his lovability and inherent value as a little person.

      During the slide into addiction, he may be masturbating to porn and enjoying the neurochemical effects of the arousal and the orgasm. The chemical rush pushes down that instinctual fear of being unworthy of feeling safe. (He probably denies he has any pain or fear in him.) These are the same neurochemicals that are enhanced or reduced in the brain by drugs and alcohol, gambling and overeating. Like these other addictions, he is self-medicating his deep pain on a temporary basis. When his drug of choice wears off, the brain goes back to its normal baseline level of neurochemistry. He may need to go back for more “medication” when that barely-perceptible emotional pain creeps back in. That disquiet, that need to medicate, will probably be triggered by the feelings of helplessness one encounters in everyday life. Repeated self-medication can open the door to addiction to any behavior or chemical.

      I’m thinking if the porn keeps him off the drugs and alcohol, might it be the lesser of the posssible evils? God help me for even thinking that. His ultimate recovery, years from now, will be to realize (and believe on that deep sub-conscious level) that God doesn’t make no junk. Understanding that there is nothing inherently wrong with him, that his reaction of deep shame for not being worthy being protected as a baby/toddler is normal – he was stuck in an abnormal family situation. It was not his fault he was not protected from the fear of being abandoned to starve in the wilderness as a helpless baby. Self-forgiveness, for not being perfect enough to be protected from fear in those first 5 years of life, is what keeps us sober.

      Reply
    • April 29, 2016 at 8:10 am

      Given the disturbed attachment history of your grandson, you may be witnessing the creation of a porn addict right in front of your eyes. He probably carries some pain from not feeling protected by his caretakers from the instinctual fear of being abandonned in the wilderness to starve to death as a helpless and powerless baby. This may have caused him to question, at a very deep level, his lovability and inherent value as a little person.

      During the slide into addiction, he may be masturbating to porn and enjoying the neurochemical effects of the arousal and the orgasm. The chemical rush pushes down that instinctual fear of being unworthy of feeling safe. (He probably denies he has any pain or fear in him.) These are the same neurochemicals that are enhanced or reduced in the brain by drugs and alcohol, gambling and overeating. Like these other addictions, he is self-medicating his deep pain on a temporary basis. When his drug of choice wears off, the brain goes back to its normal baseline level of neurochemistry. He may need to go back for more “medication” when that barely-perceptible emotional pain creeps back in. That disquiet, that need to medicate, will probably be triggered by the feelings of helplessness one encounters in everyday life. Repeated self-medication can open the door to addiction to any behavior or chemical.

      I’m thinking if the porn keeps him off the drugs and alcohol, might it be the lesser of the posssible evils? God help me for even thinking that. His ultimate recovery, years from now, will be to realize (and believe on that deep sub-conscious level) that God doesn’t make no junk. Understanding that there is nothing inherently wrong with him, that his reaction of deep shame for not being worthy of being protected as a baby/toddler is normal – he was stuck in an abnormal family situation. It was not his fault he was not protected from the fear of being abandoned to starve in the wilderness as a helpless baby. Self-forgiveness, for not being perfect enough to be protected from fear in those first 5 years of life, is what keeps us sober.

      Reply
  • December 28, 2015 at 5:05 pm

    is it illegal to download adult porn?

    Reply
    • April 28, 2016 at 10:47 am

      My husband blew past his work log-in screen everyday for 20 years assuring himself he was doing nothing illegal by watching adult porn at work even though the screen clearly stated he was “Being Monitored for Illegal Activity.”

      It violated the Universty’s computer use rules big time though! After 20 years of whacking-off at his desk, he got busted by his dean on a Friday afternoon. Expecting a warning rather than a dismissal for gross misconduct on Monday morning, he had the nerve to tell me he was “in a little trouble for playing too much online chess.” He kept that lie up all weekend until the third quarter of ths Superbowl when I asked why he was pale and shaking. I said, “It’s not like you were downloading child pornography.” He answered, “There were no children involved.” My world blew up in my face. After I finished throwing things at him, I told him to leave if he didn’t want to be killed in his sleep. I was too distraught to work a phone or drive in a straight line.

      I hope they have video recordings of him whacking-off into a paper towel somewhere in their human resources vaults. It will be fun to subpoena those videos if I decide to file for divorce.

      Amazing how much of the past 16 years were nothing like I perceived them to be. It’s like I was taking LSD everyday without knowing it. The scope of his lies is much broader than just sexual. He survived an armed liquor store robbery two blocks from home and kept it a secret. That put my life at risk because I continued to walk all over without a care about crime. I was hurt and confused that he never trusted me to have a credit card though I had a really good score. It turned out he assumes everyone else is as untrustwothy as he is! At least I understand that now. I’ll never know all of his lies.

      And the lying continues two years later.

      Reply
      • April 29, 2016 at 6:36 am

        It’s an option I like to keep open. He appears to be working very hard at his recovery so I keep extending my trust to him. Though he has broken it repeatedly in different arenas of our lives, he claims he wants to be honest but has a “hard time not lying.” That sentence, 25 months post-discovery, shook me to my core!

        He starts with a new individual therapist tonight. I’m hoping he doesn’t waste his time and money on this one complaining about how I abuse him like he did with the previous one. Having to face the natural consequence of seeing and hearing me cry from the emotional turmoil he has introduced to my life felt to him like I was “torturing” him. Confronting him on lies when I catch them was abusive in his mind. All our therapists agree he has at least a decade of work ahead of him. He got rewarded with a much better job out of this mess, so I’m staying as long as I can. $$

        Reply
      • October 10, 2016 at 1:09 pm

        so he watched porn, who cares? hopefully he divorces you for being a prude and then gets into an open marrizge with an 18 year old porn star. lol get over it

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      • June 2, 2017 at 6:28 am

        So you are admiting your value system includes being lying sex pervert too? I hope no earnest, loyal woman ever gets roped in by you.

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      • October 24, 2018 at 11:41 pm

        It’s a new world. If our laws arrested and convicted every man (rarely women) who downloads computer porn, there wouldn’t be enough prisons to hold them. Millions and millions of (mostly men) look at porn. You can’t keep up on supply and demand. And billions would be spent on taxpayer money to prosecute, convict, and incarcerate. Only the most vile felons should be punished for child porn. Otherwise it’s unrealistic. It’s a new world. Sadly, porn is BIG BUSINESS!

        Reply
      • February 20, 2019 at 11:19 am

        Talking smack.aboit your husband for watching porn that makes your life a lie then claiming you.will stay because it got him more money. Straight bottom of the barrel, you probably drove him to needing porn over you, forcing him to live a lie of you only wanting his money.

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      • March 17, 2018 at 3:37 am

        Goddamned moralistic c…..!

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      • March 21, 2018 at 11:15 pm

        I don’t care what whores do on video or in person. I care that I was denied the information I needed to decide whether I wanted to stay in a particular relationship. In other words, IT IS THE LYING!
        Trust is the basis of all relationships. His lying made my reality a delusion. His lying removed my freedom of choice. Plus, the discovery that my reality was not real was traumatizing. (He said he felt “unburdened” by the discovery. Typical empathy-free attitude from a narcissistic addict-didn’t care about the impact of his choices on his marriage or his wife.)
        IT’S THE LYING that caused my pain and wasted my last good decades. I’m glad he suffered; he deserved some painful consequences for choosing to lie!

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      • September 4, 2019 at 9:34 am

        You are worse than you claim your hubby is ….your all about cash… [moderated remainder of comment]

        Reply
  • April 28, 2016 at 10:14 am

    I think I found some reference in Fedeal law regarding distributing porn that harkens back to the print era. Says if you buy more than two or three copies of works that are identical or nealy identical, it is assumed you intend to distribute your extra copies.

    The police failed to use old law while they examined my husband’s hard drive from work after he got fired for his secret hobby. He really sweated bullets while they searched that hard drive for about four months looking for sites with underage sluts performing. I couldn’t decide which outcome to hope for. I just loved seeing my lying pervert suffer in fear!

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    • July 6, 2016 at 2:28 am

      “I just loved seeing my lying pervert suffer in fear!”

      Susan, I think you’re the one that’s sick.

      Reply
      • July 7, 2016 at 7:14 am

        Clearly, you have not suffered the trauma of repeated interpersonal attachment injuries. However, the fact that I am sticking around to risk more injury does make your opinion worthy of serious consideration. I am clearly masochistic or very attached to someone who does not want me. I need to detach and exit any relationship that makes me this nuts. I read recently that avoidant personalitiy style folks can drive secure folks into a borderline personality disorder diagnosis – yikes! My path is obvious, I just need the courage to save my sanity. Thanks for the unvarnished opinion.

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      • July 12, 2016 at 11:30 am

        Your comments always resonate with me. You cannot heal if he keeps subjecting you to trauma. My husband had a five year relapse that I found out about three months ago. I’ve done a lot of reading, therapy, journaling and self care to work through the trauma. The thing I found most helpful was getting away. I’ve taken a weekend trip and a week-long trip since finding out. He was with with me on both trips and still I was able to gain perspective while we were away. I’d recommend it to any partner trying to heal.

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      • July 13, 2016 at 4:58 pm

        Thanks Ellen. I wish the traumas to the relationship would stop so I could begin to heal too. He had the nerve to compare me to other SA wives who support their husbands and are no longer angry. Mine keeps setting the trustmeter back to zero, most recently by starting down the road to an emotional affair with a co-worker. Because he knew he’d never see her in person, he gave himself permission to indulge in an inapprpriate emotional connection and crush on her. I overheard him chortling with someone one workday and pointed out that leaving me emotionally was cheating too. After several books, Chatting or Cheating and Not Just Friends, he finally understood. How many times do I have to tell him the emotional condition of his marriage is under his complete control? If he stops the cheating, hiding and lying behaviors he could earn some emotional peace for himself!
        I am thinking of going away without him, just a trip for me to look at crafts and hear some of the bluegrass music that interests me (but threatens his country roots with shame). Maybe a quilt festival somewhere in the South.
        He goes away this weekend for 4 days to be with friends, so I will get some peace here in the house alone. He will miss a 12-step meeting and his psychoanalysis (yes, Freud and penises), but it will be worth it for the peace. Hope he doesn’t come back all arrogant and entitled, primed to stab me in the back at the first little sub-conscious resentment!

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      • July 15, 2016 at 6:42 pm

        I hope you get some peace soon. I know the roller coaster you’re on. I don’t claim to know what’s best for anyone but me, but of all the therapy and books we’ve been through, I found the intensive therapy with a great CSAT and full disclosure verified by a polygraph exam plus follow-up polygraphs to be the only way I could begin to trust again.

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      • August 6, 2016 at 8:45 am

        Had one polygraph about four months post discovery. It was interesting how the counts of specific behaviors increased dramatically in the office once it was explained to him that he had to write down the maximum number of incidents that he was certain of so as not to fail any questions.
        Great idea to repeat it! How could I miss that? His CSAT does nothing for partners alone and for some reason does not like polygraphs. (Maybe she thinks her SAs are good enough liars to beat them.) I need to locate that first polygrapher or another who specializes in SA in the mid Atlantic. Thanks.

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    • December 25, 2019 at 1:23 pm

      Susan, listen to the comments here. All you seem to care about is that your husband put your life style at risk. I hear nothing from you about what kind of person he was during the 95% of the time he wasn’t watching porn. If he was a good man perhaps you should work with him in a more positive manner now that the drama is behind you. Instead you enjoy seeing him suffer and only want to stay because of his increased income. That is truly pathetic and sadistic.

      Reply
  • October 28, 2016 at 2:52 pm

    I am British surely it is up to me if I watch or not

    Reply
 

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