13 thoughts on “When Love Addicts Fall for Sex Addicts

  • January 16, 2013 at 7:33 am

    Amazing…, as a love addict I’ve been through this very relationship…, deeply painful….

    • January 26, 2013 at 1:06 pm

      This dynamic describes almost perfectly my last just ended relationship. That’s why we clicked so intensely. She was a junkies daughter with a love addiction, and she became my heroin. i don’t think the analogy too strong. I mistook dependency for love. Getting help with my addiction now. It does hurt deeply.

    • February 8, 2013 at 10:47 pm

      I am just now etting out and it is so painful yes!!

  • January 28, 2013 at 8:49 am

    Wow this explains so much. I am the love addict and my husband is the Sex addict/alcoholic. A terrible combination. So glad this relationship is over. Now to heal myself.

    • January 28, 2013 at 11:45 am

      Hi Claire- thanks so much for reaching out. Best wishes, Linda

  • January 30, 2013 at 3:43 pm

    Sadly, a lot of therapists continue to hold on to the notion that the addict’s partner is at fault for the addictions.

    I was told “when there is acting out by one partner, we have to look at what the other partner is doing that causes it.”

    • January 30, 2013 at 4:27 pm

      Hi, sorry you experienced that. It makes no sense.

  • January 30, 2013 at 9:01 pm

    This started early for me from a unhealthy relationship with my father…..I was overwhelmed by him.

  • February 8, 2013 at 10:46 pm

    I didn’t realize until I read this article what kind of relationship I was in. It is all to clear for me now. It has been a very painful 4 years, I just wish I had read this 4 years ago.

  • March 8, 2013 at 8:38 pm

    I have been diagnosed with bpd. They are known for being in love with love. My partner of 5 years is a porn addict. At first we had the best sex lives as I used to lOve sex and it made me feel alive in this world. My partner has now refused to have sex with me for over two years now. I am reliving the abondonment again and again as well as trying to be fine with him getting off on other women. I know he cares about me a lot but I no longer have any confidence in myself. I guess we are both Ill I’m one way or another.. Thankyou for this article as it explains alo.

  • June 20, 2016 at 10:53 pm

    Can a love addict and sex addict go to therapy and fix the relationship?

  • October 18, 2018 at 6:02 am

    I was so lonely and tired of being alone. He was so nice to me. Now I’m scared of him he has a bad temper and won’t take no for an answer when he wants sex. Didn’t know I was a love addict until now. Always wanting to be in love. SMDH guess I got what I deserved . I just want out of this . He is sooooo freakin sick , the things he asks me during sex and he gets off on fantasies of me with other men and he fantasizes about engaging in sex with my sister and my cousin watching. He asked me was I ever gang raped during sex. Scared the crap out of me. Also asked did I look at my son in laws crotch while he was sleeping. He masturbates all the time his sperm is like water I have to tell him how good he is and how bad I want him and beg him for him to get off. And get this just found out he’s not even who he say he is. I have had unprotected sex with him so I’m scared . I know I have to get my life together. He won’t leave me alone I told him he should get some help and I would even go with him. I try not to rub him the wrong way because he knows everything about me. I confronted him about his identity once and he threatened that he would put my sex pics on the Internet . He apologized and pretend like nothing ever happened and if I try talking to him he says I’m always so negative. Gets angry and shuts me up all the time. I know this man is crazy . God I need help fast !!!

  • March 28, 2019 at 12:33 am

    I guess I am the love addict. I fell in love with a sex addict…we only had phone sex and she stopped that when I revealed I had HPV. (obviously I was not a physical threat).

    She began dating a swinger who lives locally to her and is married to someone else. He recognized he could use her needs to achieve his own ends and I an assume vise versa. We would fall asleep together on the phone and wake up each other in the early morning. We laughed a lot and had few secrets…I had none , she, well one never knows with an addict. We seemed very close….she declared her love for me as I did for her daily..and I swear I could feel it.

    She almost left her swinger friend whom she kept hoping would leave his wife for her. I told her she was being played. The guy lied constantly. I am not sure whom I was in all this. All I had as a weapon to compete with was a romantic love that just did not quit. A measure of my own needs perhaps.

    Understand, I cannot physically make love to a woman due to ED and pretty severe physical deterioration, heart failure, leaving only 37% heart function after a triple by-pass, deteriorating kidneys (25% remaining), 3 herniated disks in my back, a Charcot’s foot from diabetes II and a six month bout of Charcot’s disease, residual Lyme disease since age 42, and recently I fell and broke my hip, so had to go through a slow recovery process. I live alone and have nobody close, so my emotional dependency was/is very strong for anybody I felt/feel cared. I also realize I cannot legitimately invite anyone to share my life with all my physical limitations….which was not lost on my sex addict partner. I was praying for a miracle…

    She recently received the “fifty shades” series from her married swinger friend. Did I mention she is also into BDSM as a form of release?…She has tremendous guilt issues. This other “friend” had a swinging week set up with a couple who hosted nude beach parties at their beach house. The husband of this couple is the one who completes the “S” part of the BDSM my friend is drawn to. After reading the first book of fifty shades, my friend who had said she was “QUITTING THE LIFE”, virtually immediately made a trip to see this couple with her married friend. he get’s to “do” the wife of the guy who administers the whip to my friend. Well that shocked me until I realized that reading the Fifty Shades book had lit the lust fires in my sex addict friend. She began speaking of “getting to the next level” (sexual release), and promptly accepted to go to the beach house party for a week.

    But..the only couples that will be there (she claims) will be the BDSM administrator, his wife and my friend and her boy toy (she is 71 he is 57). He is also a ‘fraud” in my opinion for several reasons. He pretends to be this macho stud able to please women at these parties, by using his “internal pump” to keep his erection. He needs the macho image more than the satisfaction of a true bond, or any real intimacy whether sexual or emotional or both. This is what I have tried to protect my friend from…the sex addict whom I love. I think I offer real love to someone on whom it may be wasted, but she needs help and forgiveness. She was sexually abused as a nine year old by a step father in a foster home. I hear the soul of that none year old cry out for help….I must be nuts.


Join the Conversation!

We invite you to share your thoughts and tell us what you think in this public forum. Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. A first name or pseudonym is required and will be displayed with your comment. Your email address is also required, but will be kept private. (Please note that we use gravatars here, which are tied to your email address.) A website/blog/twitter address is optional.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *