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Archives for General

Diagnosis

Are You a Narcissist?

If you are a narcissist how would you know it?  Maybe you've been accused of being a narcissist; certainly most sex addicts have. But what would it actually feel like if you were a narcissist?

When we think of narcissism we often think of the way it looks in the rich and famous, the over-privileged. It plays out in a lack of genuine connection and empathy, an attitude of over-entitlement, and a tendency toward manipulative, deceptive and...
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General

Hiding in Recovery: How Recovering Sex Addicts Act Out in Plain View

I have seen many sex addicts who have frequent "slips" (recurrences of addictive behavior), even though they have been working what looks like a rigorous recovery program.  These people may be in individual or group therapy, attending regular Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings, engaging in a spiritual practice, and generally attempting to use the tools of the program.  And yet they will predictably act out in little ways every few weeks or months even though they feel...
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General

Is Masturbation Bad for Sex Addicts?


Sex addicts in treatment for a sexually compulsive behavior are generally asked to decide which behaviors are out of control and interfering   with their life.  These sexually addictive behaviors differ widely from person to person and they can change over time.  They include behaviors like excessive pornography use, commercial sex, voyeurism, compulsive hook-ups, and serial infidelities.  These are designated as "bottom line" behaviors or "inner circle" behaviors.  These are the things that the addict needs...
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General

Cheating Caught on Camera: What’s Not to Love?

People are loving reality cheating videos in droves like the popular YouTube series "To Catch a Cheater" (some explicit imagery).  The Ditto for the true life TV series "Cheaters" which promises to document "the pain of a spouse or lover caused by infidelity."

These shows specialize in catching or entrapping partners and spouses on camera in the act of cheating on their loved one and showing the betrayed partner's filmed reactions of horror, anger...
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General

Sex Addiction Relapse: High Risk Scenarios

Sex addiction is by definition a pattern of compulsive sexual behavior that resembles any other behavioral addiction such as gambling addiction in that it is maladaptive and difficult to put down.  You may think of sex addiction in any of a number of ways: as a symptom of deeper problems relating to early attachment injury, or a constellation of symptoms such as intimacy avoidance, secrecy and dissociation, or a brain disorder resembling chemical dependency.  Or all...
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General

Quick, What’s the Opposite of Mindfulness?

In the treatment of addictions it may be that mindfulness is best understood in terms of what it is not.  Most people are pretty sure about what mindfulness is.  In common usage mindfulness is being aware of something or attending to it.  In a spiritual sense you  might say mindfulness is being "present" or "in the moment".

What mental processes stand in the way of this important recovery skill?

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General

Gaslighting and Mind Control Disable Rational Thought: How to Resist

Authoritarian mind control techniques are hazardous to your mental health in ways that bypass rational thought.

Gaslighting, brainwashing, cults, hostage situations, and totalitarian propaganda have a common basis. They use similar techniques to confuse, intimidate and disempower people.  These methods are used by abusers of all kinds for the purpose of controlling other people, and promoting the abusers' interests.

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Diagnosis

Sex Addiction Deniers: A Post-Truth Movement

The diehard sex addiction deniers

Over the last four years I have written no less than eight posts* in an effort to understand and counter the claims of a fairly small but zealous segment of professionals who are on a mission to protect an unsuspecting world from what they see as a dangerous conspiracy.  No, it's not vaccinations or GMOs.  The claim is that those of us who have a sub-specialty in sex addiction treatment are perpetrating...
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Gender

Sexual Harassment: Do we have “Larger Problems” to Worry About?

How important is this issue of men getting away with unwanted or humiliating sexual behavior toward women?  I would argue that it has a very long tail.  A New York Times article about the impact of the Access Hollywood tape on couples reported that many women who had been sexually assaulted earlier in life had never told their husbands or anyone else for that matter.  Never, that is, until the so-called locker room talk...
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