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Archives for January, 2013

General

Why “Boundaries” are so Important

In sex addiction treatment and in therapy in general, we talk a lot about people needing to have good “boundaries.”  (Take the quiz on relationship boundaries.)

Boundaries are limits on what you will or will not do. 

Boundaries are basic internal principles guiding your behavior through which you can keep yourself safe, calm, rational and respectful of those around you.

Addicts use their addiction to self-medicate, escape or rebel.  When...
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General

Men Want More Sex Than Their Wives



It's not just sex addicts, all men really want more sex

Yes, it’s official. Well, sort of

In a quick scan of the subject I found that there is some skepticism about the extent to which men want more sex.

The answer seems to be “they do, but…”  The “but” is as follows.

Although men report thinking about having sex more times per day than women (19 vs. 10) women also...
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General

Amazing Message from a Sex Addict in Prison



Brad (fake name) is a sex addict/sex offender currently serving a 9 year prison sentence in federal prison.  We have written back and forth for the last couple of years since he first started his sentence.

Brad had been active in the recovery community prior to going to prison.  He attended a two-week outpatient intensive and had been in a group for sex offenders, as well as attending 12-step Sex...
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Diagnosis

When Love Addicts Fall for Sex Addicts

As a therapist I have noticed that partners of sex addicts frequently have characteristics of love addicts.  This is not always the case of course.

Partners of sex addicts may be innocent bystanders.  But I think there are some reasons to suggest an affinity between love addicts and sex addicts.

There are underlying similarities between sex addicts and love addicts in terms of brain chemistry, intimacy issues, abandonment fear and co-dependentence....
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General

Work can be Hazardous to Your Recovery: the Case for Doing Less

Should we really keep busy?

Addicts are often very hard workers despite their addiction.  Alcoholics, drug addicts, sex addicts, gamblers and over-eaters are sometimes “over-achievers,” driving themselves in order to overcome fears of being unworthy or unlovable.

This is not a new idea.  Think of the stock image of the “functioning alcoholic” who pours his energy into doing one thing (work) really well but is...
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Recovery

Top 4 Arguments for Porn Use: Are They Valid?

Should sex addicts ever use pornography?

Sex addicts who have a variety of other sexually addictive behaviors,  often find excuses for thinking that their internet porn use is not really a problem and may even be a good thing.  Are they wrong?  Let’s look at some common lines of reasoning that addicts present and my validity score for each one.

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General

Growing up around Sex Addiction: Impact on Children Part 2

Family dysfunction

Sex addiction in a parent means there is family dysfunction and sexual dysfunction in the environment of the child. This in turn impacts families and places children at risk for many problems including sex addiction as adults.

Researchers have reported that:
“Even when the children are not fully aware of the parent’s abnormal sexual behavior, they may eventually replicate it themselves.”
Sex addiction in a family does not automatically...
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