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Archives for December, 2012

General

A Smart New Year’s Resolution: Learn to be a Better Friend

Being a good friend can be a serious challenge for all addicts.   Drug addicts and alcoholics may have “drug buddies” or “drinking buddies,” and sex addicts have acting out (sexual) partners.  But addicts are intimacy challenged and avoid closeness, often being isolated except for their work relationships or immediate family.

Sex addicts tend to have a narcissistic defense system, a façade of grandiosity which covers a deeper feeling...
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Diagnosis

Compulsive Self-Deprivation: Addiction’s Silent Partner

We think of addicts as supremely self-indulgent, and sex addicts especially so.  But every sex addict has an opposite tendency toward self deprivation.  In their acting out behavior sex addicts are selfish, reckless, deceitful and often rebellious.  They are usually repeating patterns of behavior that reflect traumatic experiences from early life. Sometime these were experiences of sexual trauma but often there were other stressful experiences that have become sexualized along the way.

Sex...
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General

A Culture of Violence: Football, Porn and Vicarious Aggression

“The addiction to violence in America is nearly erotic.” 

That’s a stunning quote from Michael Eric Dyson, a Georgetown University professor and regular TV commentator.   It was striking to see addiction,  violence and sex in one short sentence.

Since he said this the news broke about the recent murder/suicide by Kansas City Chief’s linebacker Jovan Belcher.  And now more recently we are devastated by the unthinkable events in Newtown CT.   In addition to the...
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General

How Mindfulness Practice is Basic to Recovery

Mindfulness practice is an important part of all addiction recovery but it is even more important in sex addiction recovery.

In staying away from drugs and alcohol there are often specific external triggers that can be avoided.  This is a way to keep the addict’s mind from facing the choice to give in to the urge.

But in sex addiction there are not only external triggers, driving through the...
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General

6 Ways Recovering Alcoholics Deny Sex and Intimacy Issues

Many recovering alcoholics and drug addicts have problems with their sexual and relationship life.  Even though they have been in 12-step recovery, they may still have problems with intimate relating.

They may have great difficulty following through with relationships and instead go for repeated seductions in which they use the feeling of falling in love as a substitute high.  Other recovering chemical dependency people become sexually compulsive with online...
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General

Should You Choose Treatment or Therapy for Sex Addiction?

Many sex addicts try therapy first.  Although it may be appropriate for some sexual problems, conventional forms of psychotherapy alone don’t address sexual addiction effectively. It has long been understood that addictions in general- drugs, alcohol, gambling and so on- are different and require “treatment.”

Treatment vs. therapy

What’s the difference?  In the simplest terms, therapy is more about insight into why you do certain things and feel certain ways; treatment is more about “follow...
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General

Telling Your Story: 5 Ways Writing is Essential to Recovery

Writing is a hugely important tool for those in recovery from chemical dependency, sex addiction and for emotional growth and recovery in general.  Writing about yourself is a form of self-care but it is much more.  In addiction treatment, it is a systematic set of exercises for self-exploration.  Here are some reasons why you must do the written tasks of treatment and make writing a part of your recovery practice.

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